Do you think this is a profesional grade chapter?

First of all, if you are concerned about someone stealing it (which is a legitimate concern) don't post it. But theft isn't the only thing you should be concerned about, the chances of you getting really good feedback from strangers (probably unqualified) is pretty small.

My advice: join a writer's group. Meetup.com is a great place to search for writers groups in your area. This will help you build a network of other writer's to help you. You may also find a mentor, someone who's been published or been through the struggles and can offer support and guidance. You can also take a class. Local community colleges or community centers will often offer writing classes for all ages and experience levels. Another great way to find a mentor!

Unless you are posting to a good writer's website, posting online doesn't typically yield good results as far as critiques. This type of forum in particular doesn't because the vast majority of the user's here aren't even amateur writer's let alone professional. This might be a decent place to ask general questions but to get good feedback, I wouldn't.

Now that I've said that I WILL offer you a critique of your work. I will tell you I'm an amateur writer, I've sold one article, very cheaply and that's about the extent of my publication experience, though I DO have a desk drawer littered with rejection letters. To be perfectly honest while I'll give you more than "It's great!" or "It's horrible!" my opinion shouldn't mean much to you. Like any critique take what you read with a grain of salt.

As for your question, no it's not professional grade but that doesn't mean it can't get there. The lack of paragraph structure is distracting, but because everything else indicates you grasp basic grammar rules, I can chalk that up to a cut and paste issue. It's odd because I simultaneously feel like you are revealing too much too soon and revealing nothing at all. There needs to be a bit more suspense in the dream sequence and a little less dialogue between the two girls (they talk too much and don't seem to be saying anything important) but maybe slip in a nugget or two that tells the reader what they are in for at the same time. What is here is interesting enough that I wouldn't necessarily pass this over. I would probably give you another two or three pages to really hook me. But as it stands now, there isn't much of a hook here. Making the dream sequence a bit more suspenseful might help as well as tightening up the dialogue. To add suspense to the dream give some description of her surroundings, the scene and her feelings, hold back the dead parents until the very end and don't mention the drunk at all, save that for later in the story. Really make the reader feel the panic Nyx is feeling before she snaps awake. It won't be believable as a recurring nightmare that others are concerned when she has it if the reader doesn't feel that panic.

One small correction to point out, in a few places you call the woman who enters to the ward "Mrs. Ralph" and in others she is called "Mrs. Reid," you'll want to fix that unless there are two women in which case you need to make that clear.

I can see the potential, it just needs a bit more. Keep working. Good luck.

Well. I can't say it's a professional grade chapter, because it's not a chapter. It's almost a professional grade prologue. I say almost because it felt a bit like it could have been written better. It's definitely a really good start though. You did a good job of showing the characters appearances and background rather than telling it and it's a good set up to go into what happens next, when they're older. There were a couple of mistakes, like Mrs. Ralph suddenly turned into Mrs. Reid at the end. Other than that it's really good, I'd definitely read more. Keep it up.

No, I'm afraid not.

It sounds as though you might have an interesting idea, but the quality of your writing is problematic. It's choppy at points, awkward at others. You need to cultivate a smoother, more fluid style, and I see that you are not quite certain here and there about how to use punctuation correctly.

I think you might have some potential, but you have a ways to go. To understand "professional-standard" writing, read as many good books as you can and study closely the way authors structure dialogue and description and develop characters. You want to cultivate your own style, of course, but there are basic mechanics that you need to learn.

But keep practicing and take some writing classes if you can.

There rather is not a lot within the Bible that offers ladies strenghth. It's a male-orientated e-book with bigotry and hate in it, akin to: Titus two:four-five one million Peter three:one million, three:7 one million Corinthians eleven:three There's plenty of stuff that is anti-girl. Not a lot in it that says well matters approximately them.

i think that's a really good first chapter.

i think this is really good... deffo publishing quality. can u answer mine????

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Am...