I feel worthless and invisible. How can I stop it?

Question

I know there's a ton of "questions" like this, but I need to say this somewhere. I feel worthless and invisible. Seriously, I've been stepped on several times. 
   I feel like I'm always in the way of everyone and everything. I feel like there's nothing really special about me. I can draw a pretty picture, but it's not the best, and let's be honest - what are the odds that that'll rake in enough to pay the bills every month? 
  I'm shy. I know everyone says that, but I'm the true definition of the word. I want to say all these things and act all outgoing and what not, but whenever I try to, my mind goes blank. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to unless they're behind a computer screen. Whenever I try to speak I end up stuttering or something and my words end up in a jumbled mess and that just makes me feel stupid. For example: say you want me to hand a drink to a stranger (I recently moved, and my mum told me to take some water to the movers)? Nope. It feels like I'm walking on stage in front of thousands of people. Again, it makes me feel stupid that I can't do something that simple. Also because of my "shy-ness" I can't speak up for myself. Or for anything. I can't defend anything. 
   I also have never had a boyfriend. I know, I know, not really a big deal, BUT I have also never been asked out, never danced with a guy, never even had those drama things where you like a guy and the guy likes you back. (if that makes sense...) I also seem to have a problem with bodily contact. Touching someone's shoulder or a hug or even an accidental nudge on the leg. It feels more noticable than it should. 
   One more thing. I also have a sister. We're supposed to be twins, but apparently look nothing alike. No, she looks more like my mother (it pisses me off more than you know when people say that) Everyone keeps saying how pretty she is, how talented she is, how blah blah blah and then they either forget I'm there or half-heartedly say "Oh...and you're pretty great too..." 
    I feel like a freak for posting this and I'm sorry if it's really long. Please, if you can, help. Don't say that I need to build my self esteem or to be more confident, I know that. And please don't tell me to confide in any religious figure. Nothing against religion, I'm just not looking for that advice. 

Thank you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I remember the day I realized I was AFRAID OF PEOPLE with crystal clarity. Up until THAT MINUTE, I was able to hide this from myself by pretending to be someone I was not.

I wasn't even aware I was pretending. 

And then this realization of my fear was just dumped in my lap. And I was in the BEST of situations at the time. Because we were actively LOOKING for our chief weakness. 

It took me almost two years before I was able to wrap myself around this odd emotional pattern of mine. It was so pervasive, I really had no idea how to fight it.

Except of course the number one task, to REMEMBER MYSELF. To deliberately become aware of my sense of awareness. It's called DIVIDED ATTENTION. When you not only observe whatever it is you're involved in, you observe yourself OBSERVING. A double headed arrow, pointing to subject and object simultaneously.

All the while with the idea of WAKING UP being the driving force. The awareness that we normally live our lives entirely in a form of "consciousness" that really isn't consciousness at all. It's just waking sleep.

Our chief feature will ultimately become our chief strength. For many a long year, (I'm talking DECADES) I have had to tone down the way I talk to people because I intimidate them. I can cut past ALL their defenses because those same defense were in me, I rooted them out, and I can spot them a mile away. 

But it's not my desire to intimidate people. I'd rather not make them feel bad. So I just don't.

Your fear will someday turn into a fearlessness so profound, you will think your early years were a dream.

Anonymous · Answer

There are two main things.  First, you need a way to clear the clutter from your mind.  Second, you need to find some way of not caring as much what you THINK others THINK about you.

In college I had so many things on my mind and so much stress, I literally could not speak.  Meditation helped.   In fact it always helps if I can remember to do it!   When you stutter, usually it means that you have difficulty choosing the words because there's so much going on in your head - it actually slows you down quite a bit.   Sit in a quiet spot and close your eyes.  Put no effort or concentration into your thoughts.  Just let your mind remain blank.  Anytime a thought comes in, observe it and let it go on it's way.   If I meditate for at least a full hour before I need to speak, then I don't stutter.   One hour a day of meditation usually does it.   You can listen to music or watch waves - as long as it is something where your mind remains clear.  

I still care too much what others think of me - it's hard to find a way to cure this, except maybe stop judging yourself, and others.    If you judge others ultimately you will judge others just as harshly.

Good luck.

dutchsega · Answer

my problem is i always think that other people around me are talking about me.like i look strange or im just too average and im a little boring.The thing is deep thinkers don't like to small talk or chit chat about the weather or daily routines but the that what we have to do sometimes. It is all about how exciting something is to you. if you dont get excited about something than other people wont either know what i mean.Just act a little stupid,silly or wierd about something try a new dance just do simple things and dont expect results but have funn..haa

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I feel worthless and invisible. How can I stop it?

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