will he change with help?

Okay I am going to be completly honest with you now. About 30% of domestic abuse starts during pregnancy.

He has tooken his ex their son together away to see his family or a few days. You are pregnant with his child. He should not be going with his ex to see his family in the first place. He should not of lied about it. In doing this I can see it is a sign of domestic abuse, apart from you stating that you were "angry" I could imagine that you felt neglected, embarassed that he has tooken his ex to see his family rather than you. You could be thinking what do HIS family think of you? Does he think I'm not good enough for his family but she is? There must be hundreds of questions going through your mind right now. He has made you feel confused, embarrased, humiliated and not treated you with the respect you deserve. Made you feel your not good enough. That is signs of domestic abuse. No loving caring man would ever do that to their partner.

He is following a cycle of abuse as follows:

Tension building

He has created a situation to make a confrontation, build tension, have an excuse to be "wound up"

the Incident or acting out phrase

He has "attacked" you. and frightened you. This is to control and take power of you. Also to break your spirit.

Reconciliation

After you phoned the police he has apoligised, he regrets its. (He is also proably saying these things to make sure you do drop charges, save his own back)

Calm after the storm

Okay I dont think it has reached this full phrase yet, because of the bail conditions set by the police. But if you do get back with him he will act like it never happened, maybe take you out buy you presents, keep promises. But only for a while its a CYCLE

The part about going to anger management is a classic as well by abusive men. The I'll do anything to make things right speech. The reasons why men start abusing women during pregnancy is because no matter how strong a woman you are, you are always more vunerable when your carrying a child.

You called the police because you were frightened. Now if you do get back with him, he will abuse you again it might not be for months afterwards but he will. He might wait until the end of your pregnancy when you need some support to start abusing you again. Or a couple of weeks after the birth whilst your looking after a screaming baby. Men like him will do anything to control you.

I know you think you still love him and it must be hard to think that your family won't be how you want it. But you need to get out of this relationship immediatly. Please don't allow him back in your lifes. So what if he hasn't harmed the kids, yet. BUT in the future he might not pyshically hurt them but he could emotionally. He could of harmed your unborn child.

Don't have him there for the birth and if he want contact with the child when he she born get him to pick the baby up from a relatives house and don't see him. This is just a way for him to worm his way back into lifes. Change your phone no. And if he wants to see the baby get a spare pay as you go phone so you he can contact you on.

Another thing to consider that is if you do get back with him and he assaults you again and you call the police, other agencies namely social services can get involved and you dont want extra stress on you or your kids. So act now before it all ends in tears and dont give him another chance.

I got together with my partner we was not together long when I got pregnant and he started to get abusive at about 6 months. I stayed with him or two years and I am telling you the emotional abuse, financial abuse, lies, things he has put me through were horrible and I am still getting over it now. Please I hope you take my advice.

If you weren't pregnant I'd say to dump him immediately. As it is I think that might be hard on him and the child-they both have a right to get to know each other,and you might need financial help in the form of child support in the future.

It's good that he's never been abusive before but once is one time too many-and almost as important ,he lied to you. Be very careful with this man-I think you shouldn't continue the relationship unless you get some counseling together,so you can work things out.

3 yrs is a long time to throw something down the toilet, if he isnt alcohol or drug dependant, ( you havent said) cos they are real relationship killers,also if this was an isolated incident admittedly taking his ex away for a few days does sound dodgy,but maybe he didnt know how to broach to the subject with you if this is the first time something like this has happened then id go with sorting it out, let him know your not happy about it and encourage him in future to talk more openly, especially if it involves his previous family, who despite any personal feelings you may have about them,arent going away, theres going to be times,as with all children,when hes going to have to put in an appearance for there sakes more than any one elses, good luck hope you sort it out

ps. id ingore sarah smiths reply she obviously doesnt know what shes talking about

what did he do that scared you so much? r u sure u want him to be around ur kid acting like that i mean i know he said he'd get anger management and all but... i mean i'll admit i'm a bit of my nut when it comes to getting mad but anger management won't help me. I'm 14 and my little sister is 9 and we both get super pissed. my sister she's just sensitive but me... the only a doctor would tell me is that i'm bipolar. (which i SO know i am! i just need to convince my mom... **starts plotting**) [lol]

Think about this, do you really want your baby to grow up around him?

men will never change