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?
Lv 6
? asked in Entertainment & MusicHoroscopes · 1 decade ago

Is this how it would be if you Married Each Sign?

i seriously doubt anyone will agree with this...but lets try it lol

TAURUS

A Taurus doesn't do anything unless there's something to show

for it. Walk into even the most modest Taurus's home, and you'll

see at least a whole wall of trophies. Never mind that they are

for "Most Improved Bowler" or "Third Place, Rhubarb Pies" or

"Fastest Sheep Catcher in Texas." So they´re more likely to just want a show off partner to make them a ´´trophy wife´´

GEMINI

Gemini also love to "chase someone till they're caught."

Women, especially, love to pricktease, and then when the guy falls

all over them drooling, she'll *forget* she was ever remotely

interested. *****. Conclusion, NEVER marry a Gemini.

CANCER

Cancers are pretty dull partners. Foreplay to a Cancer man involves

a kiss on the cheek. Ask a Cancer woman what for play is, and she'll

say "something they shout on a golf course before they throw out

the first ball." The phrase "wham, bam, thank you, mam" was invented

to describe a Cancer's honeymoon. So you can forget about this union if you dont like the boring type.

LEOS

Leos are conceited and vain. However, they make good support partners. They are very trusting and generous.

The phrases "The check is in the mail", "I love you", and

"I won't *** in your mouth" are all on the Top 10 Phrases

to save for Leos. What more can you ask for in a husband?.

VIRGOS

Virgos are the kind of people who put sanitized toilet seat

covers down on a clean motel john. They are the kind of people

who insist on using the unopened tube of K-Y. If the condom

isn't vacuum-sealed, they won't go near it. And complete showers,

if not disinfected baths, are required both before and after.

And if you even touch a Virgos asshole, kiss your tryst goodbye. Not a good idea.

LIBRAS

Libras are pretty good husbands and houswifes.

These people will do almost anything for peace and harmony. The way

to drive a Libra ape-**** is to say "**** me or I'll play loud punk

rock music." Along those lines, Libras make the best hostages.

Unfortunately, many of them also become cops. Nightsticks make a

well-behaved lover.

SCORPIOS

Scorpios posess great intellectual curiosity & creative talent. They

think they are rebels & are arrogant, proud, conceited, and worth every

penny of it. Despite all these shortcomings, they make loyal & devoted

marriage partners, at least for the first 5 minutes. After that, it just

depends on what catches their eye. Scorpios always want what they can't

have, and generally manage to get it...sometimes legally.

SAGITTARIUS

They dislike being tied down, and hate to even talk about it.

A single Sagittarius is charming, but a married one is an

obnoxious flirt who would sell his/her spouse for a roll in the

hay with a new young stag/broad. And it often works out that way.

CAPRICORNS

Often self-conscious, and overly concerned with what other

people think of them, Capricorns can be a real pain. They are

much more interested in appearances than any other sign. But

if you cross them, they don't get angry, they don't get even.

They just turn their internal thermostat down about 100 degrees

when they see you. Women who marry a Capricorn, and flirt, end

up with a pussy full of cocksicle.

AQUARIUS

Generous to a fault, it was an Aquarius who invented the

"pity ****." Someone having a rough time? Well, **** 'em!

Literally! It'll cheer him up, at least. Of course, when an

Aquarius screws you, you may walk bowlegged for months.

It depends on how many positions, "toys" and hours the session

lasts. So, no good marriage material here.

PISCES

There isn't really much more to say about Pisces people. Except

that creativity is often achieved through deprivation, and as a

result, some of the most expressive artists were born Pisceans. BORING.

ARIES

The Aries affair usually gets pretty kinky, because with that

limber body and great stamina, they get bored with "the same old

thing" every night. From woman-on-top to shetland-pony-on-top is

not a long leap for an Aries. Is that really something you wish to marry?

17 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Does anyone find it weird that the water signs complained first? Lol

    Aries sounds pretty accurate.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I like the first half of the Aquarius one (even tho it's not true, i've used some of that and reworded it in jokes before >"Someone having a rough time? Well, **** 'em! Literally! It'll cheer him up, at least"), but if i wanted to laugh at mine, i'd have to try really hard to make myself believe it's somewhat funny cus it's pretty corny. I liked the Leo one "The phrases "The check is in the mail", "I love you", and "I won't *** in your mouth" are all on the Top 10 Phrases to save for Leos. What more can you ask for in a husband?" < clever.

  • 1 decade ago

    This reminds me how much easier it is for the guy in a relationship sex wise, they decide they love the girl, they can love her and also live his personal life, but a lady like myself is always trying to improve myself to be more attractive, a guy just comes along into her now perfect life....? Pretty much a good story to me :-)

    I'm a Gemini.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    LOL Well I don't know about the rest but the Aries getting bored of things very fast makes a lot of sense to me. Oh yeah, and the "stamina" thing too! ;P

    Source(s): Aries
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  • 7 years ago

    I think this zodiac stuff is all b.s. but I have to laugh having once had a fling with a Gemini who was exactly as described above.

  • 1 decade ago

    Im a Cappy and I lold alot at this, I would say its remotely accurate for us halfbreeds haha.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i really would love to choke the person who wrote that abut capricorns..yes i know im sexy don't need no one to tell me this my haters let me know that everyday but my money is more important..i love to fight only when necessary, mess with my family and friends and it's a wrap.. false info, i dont agree or like it!

    Source(s): capricorn
  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry but you have it twisted cancers are not DULL....Basically everything you said about cancers was wrong don't be fooled by the hype(what you read about us)Do you write stuff like this on purpose to uphold that "mean Sagittarius Thing"?? you know cancers are kind of like mind readers and that's the vibe im getting from you !

    Source(s): Crazy,cling cancer!
  • emmy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Lmfao, this is funny especially the one about Scorpio.

    I doubt this is true.

  • 1 decade ago

    Funny? Remotely so.

    Credible? No.

  • 1 decade ago

    o.O

    This list honestly sounds like one of those lists that just makes fun of each sign.

    And I highly disagree with the Scorpio one, except for the loyal and devoted part.. (Disagree with the "but only for five minutes..")

    Source(s): ✦✦✦☽_Scorpio Sun/Aries Moon/Sagittarius Rising _☾✦✦✦
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