I'm writing a novel, and I don't know if it's any good or not can you help me? Would you read this?

1. You don't "keep on continuing" to do anything. You either "continue crying" or you "keep on crying". The use of both is redundant.

2. You need to read some books so you can see how paragraphs and dialogue should be structured. Find a book you like and see where the breaks are and how the capitalization and punctuation is done.

3. You also need help with grammar. You're missing a lot of commas, and your sentence structure is weak and rushed.

4. Your dialogue is not very captivating. I found it boring, and I didn't care about your character or how she felt. All of it seems rushed.

5. Don't start a sentence with "and".

The technical errors are distracting. Your story is lost because of it. You need more practice and you need to read more. You should also consider buying a style manual and a grammar and punctuation resource.

Take a writing class - the teacher and the other students critique your work and offer assistance with these things. For some, the writing comes easily; however, most people need to work in order to find their flow. A good imagination is a starting point, but if you write poorly, no one will want to read the work.

I tell you these things to help you, not to embarrass you or discourage you. Good luck.

Brittany,

You have a few problems here. People may tell you that your writing is good, great, fantastic, but if it needs work, they’re not doing you or your writing any favors.

I did a little editing here and there. Note where I took words out to shorten sentences that were longer than they needed to be. Spelling is also important. Try to stop using more than one ? or ! in your sentences. Three periods like this . . . mean the character stopped talking for a second and then started back up again. Four periods …. mean the character stopped talking altogether.

Instead of a full novel, try writing short stories first. Short stories will help you get your writing the way it should be. You can't get anywhere with chapters that are in need of a lot of work. Get a good book on writing in general and one on dialogue. Study them well. I think you have the potential to write really well with a little help from these books.

I continued to cry. I didn't want to live anymore, not without Josh. I thought of the last words he said, or better yet, yelled to me. "Don't be a stupid human." At this point, I didn't care what would happen to me. I put my head on Josh's chest and closed my eyes. This was a dream! Please lord; make this all a dream with none of this actually happening.

Vampires aren't real! Josh isn't dead! All I wanted to do was to go back home, and to have all of this pain gone. I wanted Josh back, and to see my family. To just…. I was in mid-thought when I heard a sweet and familiar voice. I opened my eyes.

"Ally? Oh my God, are you okay? I'm so sorry. Are you okay? We have to leave, and, I mean now! I can explain later, but as for now we just have to go."

That was Josh! He was alive! More tears rolled down my face. Those tears were tears of joy.

Good luck!

PJ M

there are a few things i think could help. and it would be esier to just edit it that to name everything. (sorry if my spelling sucks)

I kept on crying. I didn't want to live anymore, not with out Josh in my life. And to think the last words he said,more like yelled, to me were "don't be a stupid human." At that point, I didn't care what wmight happen to me.

I put my head on Josh's chest and closed my eyes. This was a dream, please lord, let it be a dream. None of this can really be happening. Vampires aren't real!!!!!! Josh isn't dead!!!

All I wanted to do was to go back home, and have all of this pain to just go away. To have Josh back, too see my family. To just...

"Ally?! Oh my God, are you ok?" (here i don't know names or what is happening, but just add in what is happening like(he bent down to me) then continue with speaking)" I'm so sorry, are you ok? Do you need anything, anything at all? Water?"

(same here with what may be happening)" I'm sorry, we have to leave, now. I'll explain later,but we have to go now." (maybe less to the point and simple) Josh pulled me towards him and hurried me out of (were wver it is you are). More tears rolled down my cheeks, but no longer of pain, but of joy.

you don't have to use my words at all, it's still your story. You have a great idea, just need a little more glits. i'm no expert, but i've read about a million books and i'm still in hight school, but every one of my teachers always love my writing, and that there are things i could fix on my own writing. i hope this helps you, and with a little help or focusing on your writing skills, you could be wonderful writer. and maybe i'll find this in a book store one day, who knows. Good luck and have fun with you writing. the more you enjoy what you write about the better the story it will be.

Short, brutal answer: No.

Longer answer:

First - the writing (as in the way you put words together, what words you choose and how you punctuate them,) is bad. If writing is what you want to do, take a writing course and learn grammar and punctuation. Keep writing while you are doing this. But that alone would not make me say no.

Second - it's comes across as a cheesy melodrama. What makes it look like a melodrama? Exclamation marks for one. Any proof reader or editor seeing that many exclamation marks will toss it in the trash. And too many question marks. The word choice, the "I don't want to live" and the "vampires aren't real" and so on make me think it will be another unoriginal re-hashing of a teenage vampire story (the cheese, if you will). If you want to engage your reader, you need to make the story original - it needs to be *your* version of young vampire love.

My suggestion for getting feedback is to put up the first two or three paragraphs of your story. That's what you need to hook a reader into reading more, so it's an excellent test.

Sorry I wouldn't read a book about a girl who doesn't want to go on living without a boy. That was my main problem with Twilight. I like strong female characters who can stand on their own two feet without relying so much on others. Plus it's really immature to have 'do' all in caps. You also don't need all the exclamation points and question marks. Plus, most people don't know they're dreaming and I'm confused about whether Josh is there, dead or in her dream? Elaborate please.

Like others said, it's good to read as much as you can and work on your sentence structure. As a whole, it doesn't flow very well. Just keep practicing though and lots of luck to you!

Honestly? No, I wouldn't. Your character sounds like a total drip. Does she have any interests in life _other_ than being attached to a boyfriend at all times?

What else happens? I expect she discovers Josh is a vampire now and the reason they have to leave is so nobody finds out. Couldn't be much more telegraphed, I'm afraid.

Hey Brittany. I'm not trying to be rude at all, but I personally am sick of the vampire-romance cliche, so I probably wouldn't read this book if I saw it on the shelf. If I wanted a soap opera, I'll watch the garbage on T.V. But, hey, that's just my opinion.

TIPS:

1. Cut some of the punctuation.

2. Commas, commas, commas! Use them!

3. Why DO you need to capitalize the word "do?"

Cheers.

Well in some places it was confusing, and you repeated are you ok 2 times and it sounds kinda weird. To me it sounded like Twilight. I think the first paragraph is overall pretty good but the second paragraph needs to be revised. Could you please tell me the whole plot, i might be able to help you better. I personally wouldn't be interesterd in the story if it was going to sound similar to Twilight. Your sentence structure is pretty similar. Most of your sentences are too short. Good Luck

Too much punctuation. Best of luck to whatever you're writing about by i highly suggest that you purchase a book or read/watch tutorials on the internet on how to write a storyline/plot for a novel.

it sounds like twilight, maybe keep the story line but ditch the vampires. youre going to get alot of haters on here because of the vampire thing, but goodluck!