Rude Junior Enlisted Spouses.?

I'm with you.

A big part of it, I think is, a generational thing. Less respect everywhere. But in the military, I think to many benefits are being thrown to young married soldiers. More money, nicer places to live...etc, all to fast. Paying dues, even as a couple, makes a person appreciate it. Just look at the disparity between how an 18 year old single E-1 and an 18 year old married E-1 couple are treated. I think it's disgusting. Where they live and how their personal time is treated, it's not fair at all.

Additionally, these young spouses don't understand that they are part of the family. Everyone is in it together. The best you can do is try to do is pull them closer and mentor them so they understand their role and how important it is. The soldiers with wives that learn this will be the ones who move up the ranks and do great things. The ones who don't are the ones who leave the Army too early never realizing their potential.

I hope this has let you blow off some steam and validate what you are feeling. You are right.

They may say the NCO Corp is the backbone of the Army. I disagree, it's all of the strong supportive Army spouses.

Ma'am,

I'm a bit confused here. I thought that wives basically formed their own little sisterhood, irrelevant of the rank that their husbands have. If I had a wife, I wouldn't expect her to look at rank when addressing someone else's wife. Just because I'm a PFC doesn't mean that she should treat a staff sergeant's wife any differently than a fellow PFC's wife. She should treat both with the same respect and dignity that she treats everyone else. But there's no reason that an officer's wife should "rank" above another spouse. They're both civilians!

Again, I don't know anything about this, but it just sounds ridiculous that civilians are expecting each other to follow some protocol regarding the ranks of their military spouses. If you think you rate more respect because you've been a spouse for longer and run more stuff, that's fine. You run the show, so you get to say how things are done. But just because your husband is a warrant officer doesn't mean that you're above everyone else.

Here's why I think this - say a colonel decides to get married to some stripper he met in Vegas. She then shows up and starts telling you, a woman who's been married to a military man for 10 years, how to run events. Would you honestly respect her? I hope you wouldn't, because she didn't earn it, and she's a civilian, so she doesn't have a rank that you can respect in place of her. So this whole thing seems completely silly.

Mike

As someone who was in the military ........... Wives who wear their husbands rank are the worst and you seem to be one of them!! As a civilian it is not a requirement for somebody to call another individual by their title and last name. While it may be a common courtesy it should not be demanded like you are insisting!! THERE IS NO PROTOCOL for this!! It is just age old crap that people like you demand on keeping alive. In the civilian world since you have apparently forgotten people call each other by their first names all the time ... at work, on the phone, in the mall, out to eat ..... so please do us all a favor and remember that you to are a civilian and not your husband. As for not responding to emails and such that could be rude or maybe they just never checked? Maybe those wives aren't at home the computers all day everyday. Just a thought. It does not matter how much frickin time you have put in or how long you have been a damn wife ..... to be a military spouse at all deserves respect and it's a shame you don't see that.

Since mostly everyone said what I was thinking I just want to ask a question: Where do female Soldier/Wives in duel military couples or couples where the Wife is the military personnel fall in?

I just ask because I know some Army Wivws won't be able to tell me how to be a soldier. Does my brother-in-law get to pull my sister rank at Navy functions?

I thought that since Soldiers deal with rank all the time, the spouses didnt do it as much. But if thats how your husbands FRG works, I can see why you get no replies on email or phone calls. For someone who talks about manners, your comments sound silly and snotty to say the least.

Unless the wife is in the military herself, she can call you what ever. If your prefer to be call Mrs. X then let her know.

I am a veteran and a woman. I don't like it when people address me by my former rank...I am not military anymore...and if I met you and had to call you Mrs. X then you have to call me Ms. M.

What ever! You are fussing about non-sense. I think someone personally upset you. Reading it online miles away from you your question sounds a little catty. You may not mean it to sound that way, but honey you are sounding that way. All the information I have is the long paragraph you wrote.

The military member should address you as Mrs. Whoeveryouare. But their wives see it as you are both civilian women. You are no better than the junior enlisted wives. You are no worse than the senior officer wives. It is not a competition.

When I was an enlisted woman I hated it when a military wife wore her husbands rank. I gave all due respect, but she was a civil an...(now I am too.) Some officer wives thought that they were better than me because their husband was a (fill in the blank).

Yes it is rude not to RSVP to an invitation. But the younger women may not know that. You could politely remind them that you want someone to RSVP. Maybe send a reminder email or something.

Who ever it was that got to you....go talk to her. Take a little breath and have a chit-chat. Listen as well as talk. It will all be ok.

I disagree. ( O4 spouse here, former enlisted spouse as well). there is NO rank when it comes to spouses so there is no protocol regarding being addressed properly.. i am ALWAYS introduced as : First Name. NOT Mrs So and So so there is no violations

Now if I were a doctor or a Lawyer or some other proifessional who earned a title in my own right, that's one thing. but to excpect to be addressed as Mrs LCDR B just because my spouse is an Officer by the spouse of an E3 is pompous and rediculous.

Quite Frankly the worst 'offenders" I have seen were the spouses of E7s and Warrants. they seem to think that just because their spouse has the years in they are entitled to treat Junior enlisted and their spouses like dirt. WE DID NOT EARN ANY BLOODY RESPECT BASED ON OUR HUSBAND'S PAYGRADE. period. Like I said, If I were a Doctor or Lawyer or succesful business person, I would expect a certain level of respect.. based on MY OWN ACCOMPLISHMENTS.. not on what adorns the husband's collar. I am just a spouse there is nothing special about that at all. that's like insisting a Paramedic's wife be afforded special privilege because she is married to a paramnedic

as for your outdated rules of society: things change. yes RSVPing has gone the way of the DoDo especially in this techno age of instant email and texting. Sure its polite to respond, but no longer is it expected nor required. not even in 'civilian' society.

If this is so important to you and is common practice with this group why don't you just give them a heads up? Many people have been trained out of using last names and refer to people by their first names right off the bat. If thats what you want to be called then just ask them to call you that, not that big a deal. If they aren't responding to you I'd say it's a pretty big sign they aren't interested and you can just go ahead and leave them alone.

Seriously, you are on crack.

Rank is for the husbands, not wives. Its cool and all you and your 'clique' have this all worked out. But you are really treating it like the popular girls in high school - or the senior girls.

I'm sorry, and this may come off as 'rude' since you find not returning emails rude - but you are full of yourselves.

You (the spouse of enlisted) haven't EARNED anything. Quit riding on the coattails of your husbands and be a neighbor, not a stuck up.

No, I have plenty of manners, obviously (and looking at all the answers) you are the one without manners - demanding respect from people just because who your husband is. It is an unanswered email. Seriously, I would not write a rant over people not answering my emails. I have better things to do with my time.

Go on and bake your cake now. Maybe call a few of your high ranking friends to complain about how AWFUL civilians are to you powderpuffs.

They probably don't return your calls because they don't like you and your attitude. I know I sure wouldn't return any of your calls.

First, your husband's rank is not your rank, he earned it, you didn't. You are a civilian. They probably call you by your first name because you are a civilian and they are civilians. Civilians call each other by their first names. By the way, I saw the first version of your question and am quite put off by the way you put yourself on a Pedestal. In my experience FRG groups have destroyed the morale of enlisted men's wive more than they help. I know about all the gossip that goes on in the FRG meetings, its worse than a cheerleader camp. When they do help an enlisted man's wife its more out of pity (I am so much superior to you and you can't get by without me) kind of attitude. I would also like to remind you of what happened at Ft. Bragg recently with a brigade commander whose wife thought she wore his rank. He was relieved of his command because when his wife would get mad at one of the FRG members she would tell her husband and then he would reprimand the husband of the "offending" wife.

edit:

OH! you insist that they call you by your first name after you just wrote a thesis on why they shouldn't call you by your first name!? Get real lady! This isn't some John Ford cavalry epic from the 1800s. Wait... You're right, I'm sorry. It is the duty of all junior enlisted men's wives to help you live out your fantasy of the days of old and the caste system of those times. Ha! Anyway these spouses you speak of are not junior enlisted, their husbands are junior enlisted. And you are not an officer.

edit:

why am I not suprised that you are a pagan witch?

why do higher enlisted and officer's wives think they wear their husbands rank? heres a simple fact: YOU DONT.

MILITARY WIVES do not fall under military protocol. they are civilians

MILITARY WIVES do not use that whole last name bs. theres nothing wrong with using first names. they are civilians.

MILITARY WIVES are under no obligation to the FRG. infact depending on the FRG, it might be a damn good idea for them to avoid it.

MILITARY WIVES havent earned any respect at all just based off of their husbands rank. that is the stupidest thing ive ever heard.

so it might serve you to get this through your head: you dont wear your husbands rank, you're not entitled to military ettiquette, your not bound by military protocol, you dont deserve respect based off of your HUSBAND'S accomplishments, and you're a civilian: so its perfectly OK with calling you by your first name.

edit: if its someone im in a social group with (which frg really is: just a social group) i'm goign to use first names no matter the age. if its someone whos my boss or my senior at WORK, then i'll use Mr. That's nice that your a former soldier, but you sound like you still want to play the rank game without bearing the burden of being in the military. get over yourself: you're a civilian, you have no rank, and military wives can do whatever they want when it comes to how they adress you or whether or not they return your emails. to be honest, just going off of how you sound, if i had a wife while i was in i wouldnt let her within a mile of your frg... or i would tell her to flip you off and walk out if you tried pulling any of that "im a WO's wife!" crap.

Wow...first of all, you're a civilian. You have no rank, and there is no protocol or behavior you must adhere to when speaking to another person. All you need are manners that any normal person would expect when spoken to.

Why must a junior enlisted spouse call you by your last name? Their actions are not governed by the UCMJ and military regulations. Your husband's actions, and the rest of the people in the military are. You think that just because you're married to a high ranking officer/enlisted person, that YOU are entitled to something other wives aren't? Get real.

In the civilian world, you go by cultural or social traditions that you are accustomed to. In the military, everyone goes to basic training to learn how to address and interact with other military members in a standard fashion. As far as I know, wives and spouses aren't sent to basic training to learn how to interact with other spouses. So, why are you getting all bent out of shape for something like that? There is no "standard" way of talking to/addressing someone. If someone is calling you by your first name, at least they're not calling you something else like the "b*tch". Be glad for that.

Military spouses complaining about stuck up officers and senior NCOs is their right. That is guaranteed by the US Constitution. You have a problem with it, you need to go to Congress and get them to repeal the First Amendment.

EDIT:

Your husband expects other spouses to call YOU by your title/last name? Pfft...

So what is he going to do if my wife doesn't do that? Punish me? Because he has no power to punish my wife...

Punishing me because my wife refuses to call you by your "title" or last name would be a quick way for your husband to get forced into retirement. That's about all I've got to say about that.