Feeling very low right now and could use unbiased advice.?

First and foremost, it isn't true what he said about no other man wanting you. Many men would want you just for who you are. It honestly sounds like there is some major issues going on in this marriage.

So he won't go to counseling, what is stopping you from going to marriage counseling alone? Many couples have to go alone in the beginning. Only when you put in enough work and effort do they start thinking they should be coming too.

Tell him his emotional blackmail of you wanting to leave because you are seeking help is no longer going to work, do not engage in that argument anymore and simply walk away from him. When he says things like he will kill himself, again state that it is emotional blackmail and you will no longer listen to it or play into it again. Let him rant and rave and you ignore the behavior like you would a tantruming child. If men killed themselves every time they claimed they would when you broke up with them, not many would be left.

From here on out, do not engage in anymore arguments with him, if arguing with him worked you would not be posting up this question. it is only creating a more hostile situation.

Working with a counselor will allow you to see what you do and don't want, what you will and won't accept any longer, help you find the boundaries you need and the skills for better communication. When he starts in on a child, take the child and remove the child from the room and tell him to his face he is no longer allowed to be abusive to the children regardless of how he feels. If he argues ignore him and walk away. If he follows ignore him and do not listen and do not engage with him. There is NO excuse for abuse!

Best of luck! If you need to talk to someone who's been through it you can email me.

Look, I'm not trying to cut you down, but between the jail time, the kids with other people, the getting "physical" and the fact that you got married so young and all... you're kind of a LOOOONG way off from a healthy marriage.

That doesn't mean that you should end it. Or that it can't get better. What I mean is that you don't just need that perfect fine-tuning that you would get in marriage counseling, anymore than a rusty old car needs a coat of wax.

Why don't you start by just getting some counseling for you? There might be a lot of ways that you can be better for you so you don't feel low, and get better for your kids and husband so that you are capable of putting in your end to making a happy family. Maybe he changes a bit when he sees you change, or maybe you just get to see a clearer picture of what needs to change and what you can accept.

The point is, don't give up just because he's not going to work with you right now. Go ahead and start working on it yourself. Start as soon as you can.

leave. dont communicate with him anymore except through a divorce lawyer, since you cant get your way out of his manipulations. then after the divorce (and be sure to get child support), dont ever deal with him again. try to get an intermediary to handle the visitation handovers & any communications about the children too, if need be.

obviously you cant keep yourself from falling for all his manipulations. if you stay, you'll never be happy, especially since he's made it clear to you that he doesnt want to change the way the marital relationship is - it works all in only his favor. it's not beneficial for you nor your children at all.

staying in this marriage for your children is wrong, since this is a completely unhealthy relationship and environment. there is nothing you can do to make this marriage better, because it takes two to work on it. so just get a divorce and move on with your life. then your children will at least have an opportunity to have a life where mommy wont be arrested everytime daddy doesnt get his way all of the time. if he keeps arresting you or threatening to do so, then you will eventually lose the children in one way or another in the long run, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally.

start over with a fresh clean state and find a healthier life for you and your children.

What I am reading here says that you don't have much control over anything that is going on in your life. It is no wonder that you are depressed/angry. Your husband doesn't sound much invested in your marriage, but doesn't want to end it. That is kinda weird. It isn't right for him to destroy your self esteem and that of your kids. Love for him is no excuse for allowing him to crush the joy in your lives.

I think both of you are very much in need of some counseling. If your husband thinks it is BS, that is his opinion, but how do you feel about it? Don't your feelings count? I think sometimes when someone has taken control of our lives, it is time to take back control. You can start by getting yourself some counseling to deal with your depression and anger issues. At the minimum, I think a separation is in order so that you can at least get some counseling and keep him from doing any more emotional damage to you and the kids.

His threatening suicide is another control move, and shows how desperately he needs counseling. If he won't go, it is all on him. It may be just talk, or it might be serious, but it puts you in an impossible situation of accepting the status quo, or blaming yourself for what happens if you choose to leave. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd call his bluff, leave, and get myself the help I need to rebuild my life. He is responsible for fixing himself.

Well if he isn't willing to go to counseling to do his part to make the marriage work, then all I can say is you have to decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Not to mention it may not be healthy for your children either.

Yes, we all make mistakes and say things we don't mean, but you are willing to admit your mistakes and get into counseling to make it work, he isn't--that is HUGE and something you need to consider. He isn't going to change unless he wants too and he doesn't want too.

You can find someone else that will treat you right. He is saying those things to hurt you, bring down your self esteem and to manipulate you into staying...DON"T believe his lies....I was told the same thing by my ex husband and guess what? I found someone AMAZING that treats me like gold..You just have to decide if you are willing to take that step out of your comfort zone and take the chance.

Good Luck

I don't think he cars for you as a human being. He is using and controlling you. He is blaming for all of his short coming as you being needy. If you love someone, affection will come automatically and there is no "put up with my need" in it. With loving person, it will pour like rain on you and make them happy that they are doing something for you becose they love you. Sorry, but your husband is very abusive and uncaring to you. He is trying to control you with his threats that he will kill himself, but that man will not die for you. He needs you for free baby siting. Your marriage is damaged beyond repair. To be insensitive like that and to tell you to grow up when you are hurting is cruel. In this case, divorce is better for the kids than to stay in abusive, unloving envierment because they don't have father anyway. Loosing grandmother is very sad, he wouldn't know because he has no feelings for anyone. He is massed up. If he wants to see a concealer and tell you he will make an effort to change then there is hope. Otherwise nothing you do will work. Do yourself and the kids favor and move on. Good Luck

What exactly is your question? I can offer some advice, but I'm not sure what you're asking, here.

You did marry him, but you don't have to live the rest of your life like this. Get out of this situation. You know that the last sentence you wrote isn't true at all, right? There are much better men out there than this jerk, and you should be with one. This is way too much drama, and it's uber-unhealthy for your kids to be in this kind of environment.

Figure out who YOU are and what YOU want out of life for yourself and your children. You married and had kids at a very young age, and you don't seem like you ever fully became YOU. Who are you? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What are your personal and professional goals? Who do you want to become and what are you going to do to help yourself become that person?

You really can only be happy with someone else if you're happy with yourself.

U r too young to face all these...My sympathies with u...ur choice of Man was not correct...anyone, who treats his wife like this, is not fit to live in the society......As far as, ur worries for post divorce is concerned, this question comes to every mind...but I am sure u will find someone suitable for u...there are many MEN who gets divorce for wrong actions of their wives...Finding, a unmarried Man for u would be wrong decision but if u opt for divorced/widowers, u will definitely get better person than the present one...Worries are natural though comes to our mind when going to one uncertain path...but in this case the divorce is evident, u can delay it but cannot avoid it...

By reading this . This is sort of like my sisters relationship with her husband. her husband Emotionally abuses her and puts her down also. I looked up signs for her relationship , and shes in a Emotional abusive relationship and Verbal. It seems you are in one too. I see you keep on trying to be with him, and its just keeps on making you depressed. If he wont go to counseling. Maybe you can just go, and get some tips to mend your relationship with him. If you don't have enough money to go to a counselor , i suggest going to a pastor at a church or a close family member , or a close friend. If you happen to both go to counseling , and your husbands pattern doesn't change , and it makes you crawl into a hole and feel very down, i suggest you might have to separate, even though it seems really bad, Its better getting out of a unhealthy relationship, instead of staying in turmoil. You should be respected and loved and not treated like that. Your husband seems selfish and thinks of himself , he could be a manipulator and puts things in your head to put you down and twists your words. Don't listen to him, stand up for yourself and do whats right for you and your babies. Be strong and hopefully things will work out fine.

Heres some links for you to check out :

http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Emotional-Abuse-and-Your...

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-a...

http://www.depression-guide.com/relationship/emoti...

he is indirectly telling you to leave him, he is no longer interested. too bad he cant say it,****!

now that he got another girl pregnant, he is so full of himself, i would ask you to get ajob and move out. if he loved you in the first place you wouldnt end up in jail. leave him