how to fix a fight with a bf when he wont do anything to help?

Question

I'm going to quote what someone else said because I am in the exact situation. 

"I mean I can't fix it on my own. All I can do is give 50%, the other half is on him and he never even attempts to fix anything. He never likes to speak his mind. Every fight we have he just blows it off, never discusses it with me, and then just waits until it comes up in another argument. I hate that, I like closure. What's the point of just leaving things how they are when niether of us are okay with it? Except of course he'll lie to me and say it is okay, and then brings it up in the future so that we can get at each others' throats again. He'll never say "Well I think _____ because _____ and this is how I think we should make a compromise ______. I try to start it on my own, hoping he'll throw in his opinion somewhere if we actually start talking, but when I do this, either he doesn't listen to me at all, or just hears me out and doesn't say anything back. I mean what the hell, if I didn't want a response, I'd talk to the wall or something. What can I do? This pisses me off."

I feel like we have the same fights over and over again, but since we don't fix them the first time they just keep happening. Almost every fight is started by him being upset with me about something. And instead of simply telling me it bothers him so we can work it out, he turns it into a fight, as if he thinks this will help more. 

please someone help me!!?!

? · Accepted Answer

There are some really good book on dating and relationships that would help you, but I can't remember ANY of the names, but if you go down to your local library, they'll have a whole shelf of them for you to choose from.

The basic thing about a good relationship is that you have a ton of stuff in common that isn't all about whether you like bowling or french fries etc. Do you share the same values? Do you solve issues in the same way? Do you both like showing affection in public? Do you both keep track of your money? Personality stuff that you can't just find out without being with someone for a while.

The dating books suggest making a list of 50 things you look for in a partner - you can still do this when you are IN a relationship, it's good to do it. Then, from those 50, pick 25 that you can't do without. Then pick 15 from those, 10 from those and finally the 5 MOST important from those. It's pretty hard, I've tried it. But you get down to a list of core values you are looking for in a partner. Then you have to work out whether your partner (or potential partner) has these qualities (I guarantee you it won't include "going shopping") If they fit ALL 5, then date them, if not DO NOT DATE THEM. Simple as that.

If you find that open and honest communication is a core value (and it sounds like it is for you) and your partner just doesn't, or won't or can't, the ugly truth is that you'll have to reconsider which direction the relationship is going in, because your partner doesn't fit one of the 5 most essential things you are looking for. It's not that he's wrong, perhaps he doesn't share that as a core value, so it's not an issue for him, and so you can't force him into something he's just not fussed about, and you never will be able to. Neither of you are wrong, you're just different.

It's time to decide. Good luck.

Charlotte · Answer

1

SoMe RaNDoM GiRl... · Answer

I don't think he's too interested in being in a relationship with you.

lauuraa&lt;3 · Answer

look at everything you said about how he is. why would you even want a boyfriend like that?

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how to fix a fight with a bf when he wont do anything to help?

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