Why do people who don't belong to a church, want to get married in one?

I agree with you and totally disagree with the first poster. This question is not being asked regarding people using OTHER parishes (i.e, a member of one Catholic Church going to another), it is being asked about non-church goers who want to "rent" the church for beautiful pictures! No one here is on their high horse.

I agree with you. I am a Lutheran Church secretary who has encountered the same thing. People call around. When asked, "why do you want to be married in the church?", one bride actually said..."because it's so pretty there!" WRONG answer.

This has nothing to do about "tradition" or the church being "pretty for the pictures" it has to do with the simple question of WHY do couples want to marry in the church?

*Gives you a hug * I have limited experience and knowledge about this matter, perhaps because I'm not an adult, but I can see that you should be happy =] instead of being victimised by that voice. The voice you hear is not a person, it is not an animal nor anything positive in this world; and it is less than a thing or being for the very fact that it is loveless and wicked, for it's power to manipulate. I just found the perfect word for that voice - the villainous bully.. It's your turn to be the hero of those stories who right now are caught in the complication. It is time for you to vanquish this voice, and what is underlying - depression. Consult a professional or someone, they will listen and guide you. Also, exercise is proven to make you happy, by endorphins to your brain. Mainly positive, happy stuff which everyone needs. I know of a teacher who once suffered depression, who told the class he overcame it mainly by exercising and seeking professional help. Get a puppy, if you like animals, I have one, and whenever I feel that melancholy sense coming, I will lessen or lose it, by just looking at the brightness of my dog. Listen to music you like, or listen to new ones which might spark up your interest (though be sure to avoid depressing ones). I dunno...though I do recommend the 1st suggestions, because these people are professionals, they have dealt with cases before, it is their work and they have probably invested years in it. Remember, you can always overcome this, don't let yourself slip away and grab the helping rope, which will then finger knit back to the ground which was lost. And besides, who knows what the future would hold? Anything could happen, and not always negative events. It might store for you an abundance of joy for you, awaiting in it's trail somewhere. Do you want to miss that? Do not simply think that you do not deserve it. There is a mission for you to live and go onwards to see this future. I see that you have already embarked on the roots of it, by asking Y/A. Continue it! Value these answers made by people, who concern and want to help. I hope for you that the future would provide you joy and happiness :)

They may care about the church commitment and marriage. It is not a church thing or commitment they don't have to prove anything to you but to god that is where marriage was originated from, it was his plan. And alot of people may belong to a church but maybe there church is too small to hold the type of wedding they want. Or maybe they would like to be at a church but the people in the church scare them away, or is not godly! That is happening more and more the biggest hyprocite is in the church and you go to the church already broken and in despair and you have members trying to talk behind your backs or sleeping around with others husbands. I am one that will not go to a church anymore. I was so faithful and dedicated and my husband was playing the drums and people in the choir was sleeping with him and everything and it was the church we were members at. We are divorced now and I am remarrying. We don't belong to a church but we are getting married some where else and I am a strong believer on marriage and god but I don't need to be at a church house to praise the lord I can do at home and where ever I go. Because the members of the church are in the flesh and I had to learn that. So just because people want to get married or have a wedding in your church doesn't mean that they are disrespecting you or in not committed, you don't know what someone is going through. I wouldn't be so judgmental on others. And it is good that your church has rules and restrictions in order to get married at your church. But there are churches that rent the church out for events to members and non-members they set fees. And if you want the residing pastor to officiant the wedding then you will have to follow his/her rules in order to marry you. Good luck to you.

So many opinions..

My personal sight on this is that maybe they are spiritual, maybe they believe in God and want to marry in a church because of that. Even if the bride says "because it's beautiful" as one user said they had been told, I can promise that if the person getting married has no faith or belief, they wouldn't want to marry in a church no matter how "pretty" it is! There are lots of pretty places that aren't churches in that case..so I'm sure there was more reasoning. The church I went to (moved out of state) Had an open door policy. Any and all were welcome with no judgement or conditions. This is how God would do it, I know in my heart. If a truly down and out homeless man who traveled, came to worship in your church in tattered clothes instead of "Sunday's finest dressed" would you turn him away? Would Jesus? If a couple came to a church and wanted to marry, why would you tell them no unless you do this, this, and this? Be friendly, welcoming, and inviting to them. Let the church be part of that special day. How do you know that because they have the memory of being married there and it being a perfect day, that they wouldn't start attending after awhile on their own?

I don't care what the religion is, it should all come down to one thing, God is love, Jesus is love and they are love without conditions.

This is my opinion...

I totally get your point - a church shouldn't be used a pretty backdrop & I agree with you. But I must give you the particulars of my situation to possibly put some people's situation in perspective so you realize not everyone is like that.

I met my hubby in my home state - New Jersey - where I was raised Catholic but had been attending a Pentecostal church. We got engaged Dec '07. In Jan '08 I relocated to be with him in PA (3hrs from my home). We decided that since we were going to live in PA, we ought to get maried there, and I felt it was wrong to rush to join a church just so I could get married there (a pretty church was not a factor for me, I cared about the beliefs, the parishoners, the pastor) so I specifically sought out a church that didn't require me to be a member so I could get married there. Hubby & I met all the requirements, attended the counseling, etc, and we actually still attend that church.

But my point is that yes, there are some people who just want a pretty backdrop, but sometimes there are believing people who aren't members who aren't out to "use" the church but are there for the right reasons.

A surprising amount of adults actually don't realize they have options outside of the church. Maybe they have lived sheltered lives or maybe they're ignorant to the world around them, but they think that is just what you do.

Well, one reason is because they see it on TV, they see the celebs choose a church/chapel that they do not attend. Chelsea Clinton is the most recent example. I did not even check to see if she went there, I just knew in my heart. If I am wrong about this, you all can tell me. Perhaps that church/chapel is not affiliated with a congregation.

Another is that some churches do rent to non-members. We have one in this town. It is a real church, with a real congregation, they own the property. The church itself is big.They bought the church from some caterers who could not make a go of their business and venue, who had bought the building from a congregation who had broken up. Now the current congregation rents out their church and hall. And advertise a lot, even with a sign in the front of the church.

And some preachers will marry non-members in their own church. Sometimes, people need to get married and soon. Saw one on TV the other day. The bride is terminal, she has months to live. A organization set up a wedding for her. I did not gather that was her church. And there is always the sudden deployment to a foreign shore. You may not be aware of it, but if something happens to the soldier/sailor/marine etc while he or she is a member of the armed forces, the military will not pay benefits to a live-in girlfriend/fiance[e], the couple must be married. Hence the rush to marry if the soldier is going to a combat or high risk area.

There are personal reasons too. Their family is not into religion, but a person feels that they are a Christian at heart. Perhaps they turned away from their own church, or was turned away, and need a place. Perhaps somewhere deep inside they understand that a wedding is a religious thing.

And of course, the biggest reason is that they do not understand about churches and membership and religion.

Perhaps the Christian thing to do for your church office would be to offer the explanation that the church is not available to non-members, but here is a list of the local churches who will rent to non-members. Gee, at least they are getting married in a church. That is better than not! And who knows, maybe this will spur them into taking religion more seriously, and get them to join a church!

And go to the hx section of Answer! and look up to see how many times the question of where to find a church and a officiant comes up here. And see how many people asking that do not get it why they can't just march into a church and rent it. Or even understand their own religion, and its rules about weddings and marriage.

I dont know. I guess they feel that since churches are linked to weddings that is the first place they go when they are planning their wedding. It is not uncommon for religious symbols and practices to be confused with cultural traditions.

My husband and I never go to church, although I was raised going every Sunday. We are what we are, but we make no illusions about being church-goers. The pastors who married us understood this and were happy to perform our ceremony outdoors at our ceremony/reception site. Having a wedding in a church would have felt a bit out of place for us.

A church is a place of worship, not a pretty backdrop for people that do not practice religion or do not belong to the congregation.

You are right; if these people think they are "spiritual, but do not believe in organized religion" then they can be spiritual at a garden or hotel ball room, not on a temple for religion that they do not participate nor believe in. They are being rude for not respecting your church.

Good luck

Because it's a nice setting. And they are likely still Christian, if not a member of THAT particular church. Not every congregation is lucky enough to have a beautiful chapel.

They just like the setting. Like you said, your church is "lovely." I'm getting married in a state park, but that doesn't mean I want to spend every weekend there. It's just a nice setting.

EDIT: Chelsea Clinton did not get married at a church. She and her husband had an interfaith ceremony at Astor Court Estate, a mansion. So, what you "knew in your heart" had absolutely no basis in reality.