in love with an older married man :( please please please help?

Hi Hazel,

You're not in the middle. You are on the end, supporting the entire structure of the relationship. There is an answer to your problem however. The answer is to realize you are not in love with this man. Let's face it, you are infatuated.

When you first start a relationship, you are euphoric. He's perfect. He has no faults.

After a while, when you lose the euphoria, you decide whether or not you will love this person, or not.

Bottom line, He's married, you are jealous of what she has, and you want it. This is not love.

My advice is for you to try to be happy for his wife, and take the traits of this man you are fond of, and add them to the list of qualities you want in the man YOU FIND...

Don't try to rip this marriage apart. If this man will walk out on his family, his life, and his wife to be with you, what's to stop him from doing it to you? Are those the qualities you want in a man? How will you live knowing each day, that when someone ten years younger than you comes along, you'll be alone again ?

Find someone you can be happy with. With the qualities you desire. This man has a wife. Let him be.

You flatter yourself if you seriously imagine that he "has been nothing but faithful and loyal to his wife". Oh please! Do you really think you were the first he's kissed and "groped"?? (in your own words!). He's been married three times already. For goodness sake, read the clues!!! Furthermore, he's lying to you. He says his marriage has been broken for quite some time. If he's such a startlingly brilliant man, what has he done about that, and why ever would he think groping some woman less than half his age might be helpful?? There isn't a married man who embarks upon an extra-marital affair (or even groping), and admits to his mistress (or groping partner) that his marriage is still a going concern. They'll all tell you it's in demise. It's not. He's still married! He's not even pretending a divorce is imminent, just making some vague noises about "wanting to leave her, but doesn't know if he can". If he had an ounce of decency he would resolve his marriage first before he came chasing after you, or any other woman. He tells blatant lies to lead you on and draw it out longer too ... claiming that he will look for an apartment, but then not actually DOING anything about it! All the red flags are there. I do hope you won't ignore them. Don't keep on buying his lame excuses - employ a little rational thought here for a while and consider what's really going on. You're an older man's piece on the side. Nothing more. Please don't delude yourself about this or you'll be in for a lot of disappointment, heartache, and even shame when you come to your senses.

No matter how you feel now, you should never come between a marriage. He is taken, and if you cause him to come to you for a relationship, imagine how devastating that will be for his family. Encourage him to do what's right and stick to the promises he made to his wife when he married her. He should remain faithful, always. If he cheats on his wife with you, their marriage will probably be over And that will affect his daughter greatly! it could even destroy the rest of her life.. and that is not being over dramatic at all. He is off limits.. personally i suggest you move on and maintain a good distance. Find someone who is available, so you won't damage other lives in the process.

He's soooo married. Sorry - he's soooooo married! Not cool!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, age has NOTHING to do with maturity or wisdom.

Until he gets divorced, he will never be yours, so I say cut your losses and get with one of many unmarried men who want someone like you. There are many out there!!!

Honey, does HE tell you he's unhappy or does she? He's full of $hit and is telling you what you want to hear so he can keep you on the side! This is the typical, textbook cheating story so this guy can have his cake and eat it too cliche!!!

WAKE UP! He will say anything to keep you on speed-dial for a booty call, but watch what happens when something happens to his wife or kid - guess who's side he'll take?? That's right - theirs!

Save yourself the heartache with this douche and get with a real man who can commit!!!

The age difference isn't a problem. I am sure you are very compatible but the fact of the matter is, he is married and is off limits. Distance yourself from this couple. If he loves his wife, he will never look your way and you will be torturing yourself be being near him all of the time. If he does leave his wife or just cheats on her, you would always wonder if he would do that to you. Yes, he would.

are u talking to the wife just so u can be close to the hubby? u shouldn't tell him because if he tells his wife she is not going to feel comfortable when u are around them. try to find someone ur age that is un married . married men will mess around with but half the time they dint leave their wives for u.

he may feel the same way about u but he isn't gone act on it. because ur probably a Friend of the family how would that look it he did that.? he doesnt wanna risk loosing his family he has alot to loose . so dont even tell him for get about it and move on ur young u will fall in love alot . just dont target married men.

He's married to his wife for a reason & you're a secret on the side for a reason.

10 years isn't a FEW years. If you're smart, you'll end the relationship.

Nobody likes a home wrecker.

You say you're in love with him? I need to tell you that " 99.9% of married men do not leave their wives". If you go into a relationship with this married man, do not expect more from him than he is willing to give. If you can live with being "the other woman", and not the "most important woman", then good luck.

He is married. That means he is hands off. Find an older unmarried man

You should get away from the situation, if hes willing to screw around on his wife, hes not such a nice fellow.