I want to give my baby for adoption to a loving family in Australia. help?

I am an Australian adult adoptee, I am also an Australian parent. In this country, in this day and age, I cant understand why you are even considering surrendering your child, in Australia infant adoption is totally unnecessary. When your child is born you WILL receive a $6000 "Baby bonus", so money for housing and preparing for parenthood really isnt an issue. ALL your medical needs, present and future for you and the baby, are covered by medicare. The state housing department in your state will either provide you with subsidised housing (with priority because of the baby) or will provide what is known as a bond assistance loan, which you refund when you cease renting.....you simply hand it back to them. Centrelink will provide you with an income, quite a substantial one. They will also pay for you to either continue in school or do training courses of your choice, so you will have ample opportunities to increase your education, you can even do correspondence courses, fully funded by the government. If you want to go to college or uni, or get a job, the government subsidises child care and lots of unis and tafe colleges have creches, so you and your child can be close while you learn.

ALL adoption in Australia is through foster care. All newborns surrendered for adoption go first to a foster home, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to make any legal decisions regarding your child for a considerable period of time after birth. It is acknowledged that women are very hormonal immediately following pregnancy and childbirth. During the period where you are not allowed to surrender legally, you WILL be encouraged to bond with and breastfeed your child, this is simply what is best for the baby.....and for you. If you do ultimately decide to relinquish, you will have NO say in who eventually becomes your childs parents, but it wont be the foster family. When your child reaches the age of 18, they will be given free access to their birth records, including their OBC, as far as I know Queensland is the only state where contact vetos are still allowed by the government, but in all likelihood there is a high chance that your child will want you to explain your choices to them at some stage in the future. You can be compelled in court to provide a current medical history if nothing else, Australian law recognises the importance of genetic information.

As an adoptee, I can tell you that, even though I was adopted by nice people, even though my adoptive mother and I are extremely close, I spent my ENTIRE childhood and a great deal of my adulthood feeling abandoned by the people who should have loved me most, kids dont really deal much in deeper meaning so although my aparents told me the truth about my adoption, that my mother had been forced by her parents to relinquish me, all I could see was that NO ONE who should have loved me had fought to keep me. Even now, 8 years after reunion with my first mother and fully knowing all the reasons behind my adoption, the fact that Im an adoptee hurts. Because I was taken from my mother at birth (she didnt hold me until after the papers had been signed, nearly 2 weeks after I was born) I suffer from a severe fear of abandonment, Im afraid in crowds, I wont go into one on my own and my husband has to stay with me at parties etc.... I find it very hard to form close attachments with anyone, if Im not close to anyone then no-one can leave me......

No matter how good your childs AP's are, there is a very high chance that your child will suffer as a result of your choice to surrender. Please consider at least trying to parent, if you really hate it, or really cant cope you can always surrender later, but at least you will have given yourself and your child a fair chance. Parenting is the most wonderfully rewarding experience, it can be frustrating sometimes but NOTHING would make me part with my child. There are also lots of organisations available to help you with every facet of parenting.

Adoptions in Australia are done through the government - you do not choose the person, you have no input. The type of adoption you are talking about is possible in the US, not here. Here the government will not let the "parent" adopt the child until the government has made sure that there is no way that you (birth mother) will not take responsibility. So you have to have the baby first then it goes into foster care for a number of months while they go through the motions to identify the "next on the list" for adopting a child.

Under 100 baby adoptions happen in Australia a year (that does not involve a relative adopting or adopting from overseas). The list of approved adoption parents is the only list that can be used to identify the new parents if you which to put your child up for adoption. Unlike the US, you will still be responsible for any costs associated with the birth, these are not paid for (or allowed to be paid for) by anyone else.

This is more in response to your additional detail. If you don't want answers from those of us who have given a baby up for adoption, why waste your time and ours by asking??? Im 42 years old. My son that I gave away is 25 years, 1 month 1 week and 2 days ago. There were no "open" adoptions then. I'd go into hours but I don't want to bore you. It has not "ruined" my life but has changed it forever. It very well may have ruined HIS life forever though. I don't know if he's happy, sad, alive, hurt, a drug addict, married, educated, in jail. Nothing. Me giving him up when I was 17 did not guarantee he would have a better life. MY life? Im finally happy. Ive had lots of therapy. I take an anti depressant and a bi polar medication. After putting him up for adoption I became a drug addict, I turned away from everyone who cared about me because I was unlovable and needed to numb the pain. I became involved with a man who abused me because I needed to be punished for giving my child away. When I finally cleaned up and got therapy and married young (go figure I wanted a baby so bad) and had another baby (10 years and 1 abortion later) I suffered extreme post partum depression. No one was allowed to TOUCH my son but me for almost 6 weeks - i was afraid someone would take him away. Medication helped and I will take it forever. Im ok with this. I am now divorced (marriage lasted 18 years) and engaged to a wonderful man. Do I cry every day? No. But I know there is a person missing in my soul. You CANTT prepare yourself. If you have the option to keep your child, please do this. If you love your baby realize she loves you too. Again, adoptiondoesn'tt mean she will have a better life, just a different one. Adoptive parents divorce, abuse, die...everything us "real" parents do too.

I am in the US and do not know about Australia adoption. However, the LDS church offers adoption services there and in other countries - www.itsaboutlove.org

Some answers to your question I thought were kind of sad. Don't abort a life and adoption isn't a horrible thing. Sure there are cases where things haven't been the greatest but life can be hard even without adoption. It all depends on the people and their situations and how they handle them.

I have 4 children and have been told I should not have any more because with my last I had a blood clot. My husband and I would love to have more children though. We love playing and teaching and watching them grow. To help another child reach their potential and love and enjoy life would be wonderful.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

I can't say it any better than some of the others. Don't give up your baby. You now know you will have no say as to who the adoptive parents will be in Australia. You will also never get over the pain of losing your child - no matter what you think now. Your heart will be broken forever.

Last but not least - even if you think you still want to go through with placing your child - don't do it until after you have given birth and see your child. Only then will you know what you need to do.

And don't answer the email of that creep PAP telling you to write privately. That is illegal and sick that she and others come here and try to solicit babies from your pregnant women who are here to ask advice.

My Child ( Baby Girl ) Need Urgent Help.

I don't know if this is the rightful place to do this but I need a caring family to take in my baby girl. I don't care if you are single or not, I just want her to be in with a loving person before its too late. Please do contact me at ( atehmonica@gmail.com) so that i may tell you my story. I am sorry but this is the only option i have.Please don't contact me to insult me, I truly need help. I don't know if this is the best place to do this but i really need help.

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I would recommend speaking with your doctor and asking to be put in touch with a social worker who can help you with this. Chances are, however, you will not be allowed to choose the family that adopts your baby, or even know who they are or where they live. This is why it is so difficult to adopt a baby -- there are background checks and interviews and things that precede an adoption to make sure that they are placing a child with a loving family that can provide for the child, and that they aren't giving a baby to someone whose heart is black as sack-cloth.

Is there any reason why you can't parent? Just because you're young doesn't mean you can't continue your education, get a job or be a mother. Your situation is temporary adoption is forever. However don't make a final decision before having your baby, don't go fro pre birth matching and research, research, research. Nobody can stop you from surrendering but make sure you understand all your options and what your rights are.

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