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Do I have to have a rehearsal dinner, and if not, how can I convince my in laws not to have one?
I really REALLY don't want a rehearsal dinner for my wedding. Obviously I want a rehearsal, but as far as the dinner, I don't want one. Our parents will not get along, and they've already had a few awkward moments between the four of them. It's just not something me, or my fiance want to go through. Instead, we really want to spend time with our closest friends (who we're closer to than our families anyway).
But his mom is dead set on having a rehearsal dinner because "you just have to". When we brought to her attention that neither of us wanted one, she got very fussy and said if we don't have one her feelings are going to be crushed because this is the one thing the grooms parents put together.
My parents aren't putting ANYTHING together. My fiance and I are paying for everything, and we're doing it our way. We wanted to elope, but his mom warned us that if we did that she would be heartbroken and we'd be hurting her terrible. We had already called up our Rabbi to meet us at our synagogue, and he was ready to do it. We looked into all the paper work, and we had even booked tickets for a cruise. But she convinced us not to by guilt tripping us, and we figured it wasn't right of us to do that to her (though I personally think she could get over it. But I understand it would be a sad experience for a parent). So, she payed us back for our tickets, and we decided that if we're going to have a wedding, we're going to do it our way. But she's insisting on a rehearsal dinner.
Would it be completely rude and obnoxious of us to stick up for our opinions? It IS our wedding, and the only reason we're having a wedding at all is because of her. My parents are somewhat disappointment that we didn't elope. They think we should have never given in. What are your opinions on this situation?
Actually the last funeral I went to was my mother's when I was 8 lol.
but aside from that, it's not just a dinner. If that were all, I wouldn't be worried. It's that my fiance's parents have made a lot of hurtful comments to my parent's faces, and I don't want to sit through that. I can sit through cheesy jokes and even little arguments, but NOT when these people hurt my parent's feelings. For example...the first time they met, they asked my dad if he was paying for any part of the wedding, and he said "well, I offered Stacie 5,000 but she said she wanted to handle it herself" (my dad is broke. He makes 30,000 and that has to support my sister and grandparents). Their response was "You must have never had a wedding of your own otherwise you'd know a good dad pays for his daughters wedding". That's just one example.
Os, we got that covered if we decide to put our foot down. The only people in our wedding are our close friends, and we've already planned on spending the night with them (both groomsmen and bridesmaids). Than there's just our parents. Our plan before this whole fiasco was to give them, and some relatives to go with them tickets to this place where they can have a dinner and a show. That way my family can be with my aunts and uncles, and their family can do the same, and be in separate seating areas and not have to deal with each other anymore than they have to.
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Don't have the dinner. It's your wedding, especially if you are paying for everything. Your mother-in-law already knows she can put a guilt-trip on you, and you will give in. She's doing it again. You and your fiance need to make a joint decision and then stand up for your decision together. Traditionally, a rehearsal dinner should be given, but it seems that weddings become less and less traditional all the time. The one thing that should be considered however, are the other attendants in the wedding. If you don't want the traditional rehearsal dinner, you should provide some type of dinner, cocktails, or similar event as an alternative for those that you have asked to be in your wedding.
- 1 decade ago
Think about this. It's what I do. It might seem farfetched. But think about it. Have you ever sat at the bed side of a dying person? Or, try to remember the last funeral you went to? How about all the children in hospitals? What really matters?
Have the dinner. Eat. Be friendly. And leave early. Yes, it's your wedding and you will have a chorus of supporters here. They will tell you to not have it. Blah, blah, blah.
Just have the dinner. Be friendly. Polite. Kind. And leave early.
It's your wedding, but you want people to celebrate with you.
You have every right to be disappointed. I bet you're gritting your teeth. Let it go. Don't let make this bigger than it is.
Want to really get a willingness to just let it happen. Ask yourself what matters most in life? Is it that I make sure I get what I want, or that I yield?
Just because you have a rehearsal dinner doesn't mean you will let your mother in law step all over you later. That's trouble thinking.
So tell her okay. Then make sure she does all the inviting. She's in charge. But that's not to be rude to her. No. It's just that you aren't mentally, willfuly into the dinner. Leave early.
Take the high road. Begin now not to play the political power game. It's just a dinner. Dinner as an option? Oh, so blessed we all are.
Good luck.
