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Does this poem rock or suck?
A picture of her,
with kissing lips.
I feel her lips touching mine,
Her tongue,
teasing mine...just a picture.
A picture of her,
and I want to touch her cheek,
run my fingers through her hair,
see her eyes look deep into mine..
Just a picture,
and I feel her breath,
hot and sweet against my neck,
softly biting, tongue teasing....
a kiss...soft skin...fingers in her hair,
kissing lips, finger nails clutch my back,
Just a picture of her and kissing lips,
and sighs, maybe whimpers, movement
shallow, shallow, deep,
shallow shallow deep deep,
kissing lips and sighs,
fingernails scratching my back....
A picture of her
and kissing lips,
and so far away
but,
I feel it still...
4 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
i think it's really good. some people may dislike some of the repetition, but i think it serves to drive the tempo and get it under your skin, almost like the bells by poe. it actually made me breathe a bit faster as i was reading along.
- OakwolfLv 61 decade ago
Reminds me of an old J. Geils hit:
My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
Angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
Funning aside, it's a decent poem, and captures the power of what one picture can do. I think the shallow, shallow... thing tries too hard and is basically just TMI. Keep writing, though.
- ?Lv 41 decade ago
"shallow, shallow, deep,shallow shallow deep deep" sounds funny to me. lol.
I understand the message but some words are overly repeated.
The repetitive words suck but the message rocks.
