Poem I wrote while home sick, C/C?

Question

I wrote this while home sick today. Although it's still Autumn, I imagined the outside covered in snow and then wrote the poem as if it were Winter. C/C? And if you have any title ideas that would be great.

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Home sick
may not be all that bad
I am
devitalized and fatigued
and quarantined
to a room with one view
Just one
A sore throat
like shards of glass
A fever
that sets my head on fire
cannot
change my blithe mood
And my mouth
frigid cold
against the fog-filled glass
begins to numb
I lift my head to see
The trees
hiding
Under white satin sheets
I play previous memories
of snow angels
and hot chocolate
In my head
until the film run outs
And as I
begin to tire
I watch
as winter makes her bed
and lays
Her quilt of snow

--Thanks ♥

- · Accepted Answer

Well, little one!  Look at YOU learning and growing and blossoming in this thing called POETRY!
It's been a pleasure to watch this process in you.
Yes, I agree, non-rhyming allows you to freely express yourself as you did here.
I feel free verse packs more punch, but that's just me.  It's so LIBERATING!

Get well.

Penguin♥ · Answer

Ooh, I really like it.
I especially liked the image of the film running out, and of the snow as satin sheets. There's something quite calm about the imagery, despite the sad undertones.
As more of a prose writer, I envy people who can come out with genuine-sounding poetry. XD
Good job (: x

Rosalinda · Answer

Hi.  Nice poem , although, you are not feeling well i think you did a good job,  you hear the voice of the poet meld with your thoughts-I was process that this poem was written especially for me, because i was sick four days ago  with the flu and i felt the same way I read it slowly,  to my self and loud and it touch me, very heartfelt. Lovely poem keep it up you are  growing up very quick on this forum, congratulation, on your badge, get well soon. God bless!!

Selena Caroline ♥ · Answer

Your really good.
I wish I could write as good as you.
I always feel as if my poems have to rhyme, 
but you did great without it :)
Keep writing! I loveee reading yours â¥

William Shagspeare · Answer

I like it.  I do miss the rhythm and rhyme a little bit, though.

Anonymous · Answer

A thoroughly enjoyable read.  I like your line breaks.   

You keep getting better and better.

Jrahdel · Answer

Well done.  Better than a lot of stuff here.
May this inspire you forward...Sylvia Plath, Fever 103
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfgtiDvvAR8

Anonymous · Answer

ok... This is the best ever from you!
I really like this...and my favorite season is winter..
! Lovely!

Now top it and surprise me again!

Scooter_The_Squirrel_Agent · Answer

I think this is a good Poem. Good job by you.

Anonymous · Answer

Not enough GORRREEE :P

Nah jk it was nice, reminds me of angela carter.

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Poem I wrote while home sick, C/C?

12 Answers