Why can't you be friends with an EX?

Question

I just don't get it..esp. when you share so much of your life together..Is it guilt for the way they treated you, when they know they treated you very, very badly?? Can't you just drop (sometimes, once every few years) to say hello..and how is life treating you..All of my close friends are right there..but once you have an EX..they just drop off Earth..why is that?? Just to say hello..

Update:

we even have grown children together..he won't answer my emails...I am the mother of his children..

? · Accepted Answer

People carry their past experiences with them and deal with them differently.  Some just want to put things behind them as part of their past and move on to a new future, despite your intentions of having a friendship with them for whatever reasons.  Some can acknowledge that past is past and have dealt with any issues from that relationship and are happy to give you the time of day.

Unfortunately you can't force it, but keeping things friendly and light, and being approachable will show him that you've moved on from your relationship and are just being friendly and making life that little bit simpler by not showing any animosity for whatever might have gone on.  He might come round or he might not, but at least you'll know that you've tried.

Anonymous · Answer

If he is avoiding you there's probably a reason for it. Your kids are grown therefore he has NO ties to you anymore other than memories of the past. He could have a new wife or g/f that doesn't want him associating with EX's and that's his prerogative to do or don't do it. You need to let this go because your coming off kinda clingy and stalkerish, that also could be why he's not emailing you back. Your an EX for a reason, if he doesn't want to have contact with you then that's his choice, respect it. The past is the past..

Anonymous · Answer

Close friends are close friends. It's not like you've had a big break-up with any of them. In addition to that, there is sometimes sexual tension between ex partners. Their new partner may not want them to be "friends" with an ex. 

Good luck and move on

sKai bLu · Answer

My ex treated me like a maid and a babysitter, Im not in any way whatsoever interested in having a conversation with him, the only reason we ever talk is when one of our kids need something and Im very happy with that arrangement.

I&#39;m a Beast · Answer

some people lack  the maturity to put things underneath them  - it makes no sense to harbor resentment  - we all should let things go and move on

James · Answer

You can
My friend's ex is now a friend "with benefits"
Just depends

Anonymous · Answer

you can if u guys left everything you guys had together in the past and don't care about getting back with her or him.

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Why can't you be friends with an EX?

7 Answers