My brother has died so suddenly, advice?

So sorry for your loss.

It is okay to cry. You will probably feel hurt for a long time and although the pain of losing someone you love never completely goes away; things can and do eventually get better.

If you're married, lean on your husband. Speak to a grief counselor if you need to, journal, take time off work and reach out to those who can help you. It might be helpful to ask a friend to babysit so you can just vent, grieve and cry. Spend time with family if you can. Talk with them, lean on each other and cry together if you guys are close. It's also okay to cry in front of your children if you have to. Just let the older one know it's not their fault and that Mommy is sad because she misses their Uncle. Not being afraid to cry in front of your kid, reassures them that it's okay and normal to be sad about sad things.

Visit grief and loss forums online and/or purchase books to better understand the grieving process. Note, that there is no right or wrong emotion when you are grieving. If you catch yourself smiling or laughing at something, it's okay. If you feel angry towards your brother for dying (I know it sounds strange or wrong but it's not) that's okay and perfectly normal. Don't feel guilty for feeling a certain way.

It might help you to to do something like write a letter to your brother or even talk out loud to him and tell him how you feel, I know it sounds dumb but it can be very therapeutic for some people. Doing something, like planting a tree to honour his memory or writing a goodbye letter to him and sending it off in a balloon might be helpful for your healing process too.

My condolences on your loss.

For someone to die so young is very, very shocking. It would be a miracle if you weren't 'breaking'.

First, give yourself a break - your reaction is completely normal. Read up on the 'stages' of grief and you will recognise all the things you are feeling, though for different people they happen in different orders.

http://www.way2hope.org/5_stages_of_grief_and_loss...

Looking after little children might feel hard while you are so recently bereaved, and you may not be top notch mum for a little while, but you'll do OK. Remember how much joy you can get from the 'little things' children do.

If you cry, and your 3 year old asks why, tell him/her the truth - that you are so very sad because your brother has died.

There is no 'easy' way through bereavement. We all just struggle and muddle through it. Spend time with other family members (especially your parents...imagine their pain, to lose a child). Look after each other, talk to each other about how you're feeling. Make time to sit and look at family photographs. Cry and cry and cry together, if you can. Laugh and laugh and laugh together at the happy memories.

It does get easier to live with such terrible loss, but it takes a long time.

Oh my goodness, I know exactly how you feel. My sister died right after her fiftieth birthday from ovarian cancer. She suffered for a year, but even then we had hope. Just remembering it, I feel that pain. The night she died, it was like a giant hole had been ripped inside of me. It hurts soooo much! The pain is so great that sometimes you just have to weep and cry to let it out. Man, I tell you, I am crying right now. I really miss her.

You don't have to be anything but what you are. Spend the time grieving, wipe your tears and wash your face, and be a mom. When you want to cry again, just do it privately as much as is possible. If you can't, so be it. When your three-year-old asks why, just tell the child simply, "Mommy hurts inside." Dying is a part of this thing we call life and if you don't give vent to it, then you will drive yourself crazy.

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. You want at least to say goodbye. It hurts.

Take out your feelings on housework. I know it sounds crazy, but at least you won't have to apologize later. Attack the dishes and the dirt and be angry at those inanimate things. And cry while you are doing it and talk about everything you feel. It is okay to grieve. You are not doing anything wrong.

You have my deepest sympathy.

The same thing happened to my brother several years ago (he was in his 30s) - totally unexpected.

I felt the same way as you do for weeks, but then the shock started to wear off - this meant I could do things (almost) as normal, and not cry every time anyone spoke to me, or was nice to me.

People say time is a great healer, but I don't believe it. I think that rather than 'getting over' such a loss, you just learn to live with it. It will become much easier with time, and (as I now do) you will eventually be able to think of your brother with fondness, rather than pain.

I found that talking about my brother and his death was the most cathartic thing I did.

Hi my dad passed away last year, he had a heart attack he had to have a heart bypass which he pulled through, but then we found out he had pneumonia, his kidneys were failing and he was put on life support, his heart started to give way again and his kidneys failed so he had to be put on a kidney machine, we then found that his bowel had died and they said he can't survive without it, so we had to sit there and watch while they turned the machine off. I know what you are going through, i still have nightmares and wake up crying, my husband say's i should get bereavement counselling but i don't see how that is going to help me, but maybe it might work for you, and be there as i'm sure you are for your family as they will with you and gradually things should start feeling better, but it varies from person to person it can take up to 2 years to feel a bit more normal.

I'm so sorry for your loss and i hope things will start to get better for you quicker then they are for me.

i really didn't lose a family member but i lost someone who was like a brother to me. it's hard losing someone. i wouldn't eat for days and i was always crying. i even went to school crying and i couldn't control myself. i felt alone because no one saw him like i did. everyone told me that he is in a better place and no one really told me things. i never got advice. i knew him since i was a little kid. just think: he's around you everyday. just because you can't see or hear him anymore doesn't mean he isn't beside you. he is always going to be there looking over you. he's not gone forever i promise

Time heals all things. Time and good friends.

Take comfort in your children. Play with them, read to them, try to not think about anything else.

the best way to cope with something like this is not to try on your own, get with the rest of your family, they will comfort you and you will comfort them, being around each other helps.

im very sorry 4 your loss