Is this short story essay good?

"Top Man" Compare and Contrast Essay Rough Draft

Have you ever wanted to see the most beautiful mountain peak in the world? Well, keep reading! As Paul Osborn and Martin Nace take you throughout the thrill of mountain K3, you will see how mountain climbing can really be more interesting than you think! The short story "Top Man" written by James Ramsey Ullman, is the short story that you want to read. The contrasts of Nace and Osborn is a lot, but they have the same goal, to reach the top of mountain K3.

Martin Nace is a forty-year-old taciturn climber who has a lean, brown face. He likes to smoke a pipe. When he thinks, he thinks of the inside of people, not the outside. Nace is a nice critic. He is slow and mythical, nonchalant, and in spectacular.

However, Paul Osborn is a different being as opposed to Nace. He is magnificent, inexhaustible, energetic, brilliant, impatient, vigor, has a lot of buoyancy, and is youthful. He is tall and has a lean, brown face.

Nace and Osborn are both God's beings. Inside, they are both the same.

--I just want to know if it is good to turn in. I've revised it a few times and I can't find anything else. 9th grade level grammar. I need 4 paragraphis in it, the intro, body, body, and conclusion. i also need big help on my conclusion :S no cliche's. thanks i will get back to u asap for the best answer :) and i will rate etc etc