If you were in this situation, what would you do?

Question

If you were in this situation, what would you do?

If you're a man and during you're college years you met a lady whom you have feelings for but then just before you were about to court her she had a boyfriend, so the only closest you could get to her was being a friend.

you become her crying shoulder but after that when she gets okay, she'll not be as close to you as when she's hurting. she tells you you're her bestfriend, and she suddenly says 'i love you' in her messages but only for a short while (1-2months)

after sometime (maybe 3-4 years), she goes to another country to become an overseas worker. you find out that she and her boyfriend are having quarrels and that they might have called their relationship off. you try to contact her but there are no answers. so again you wait for more than 1 year but you don't hear anything from her (no replies from her even though you e-mail her for more than a year that you're waiting, and you can't call her since the phone number she gave has already become offline and you have no idea whether she still works in the same company or has got another job)

then, another woman comes along in you're life but you still aren't sure if you're feelings for her is love or maybe it's just because you feel lonely and you're longing for someone to love you. you suddenly enjoy hanging out with her. and you go out for maybe 2-3 months, but most of the time when you go out, signs from the woman you first fell in love with haunt you (i.e. you see her name in the side ad of a bus that you board on, you see the date of her birthday on a billboard, you hear her favorite song in the coffee shop where you date with the second woman, and you even see her name in the credits of the movie you watch,and her name is not a common name)

after 3 months of going out with the 2nd woman, she suddenly tells you that she'll also be going to another country to have a job there in the next year. (and never in your life did you ever had a girlfriend)

here comes, the problem - You become caught in the middle: So who would you choose, the First woman or the Second one(i mean, would you still wait for the first woman where your chance of seeing her again is slim, or would you rather take the chance with the 2nd woman)? and please state Why?

lysa · Accepted Answer

first love never dies.

? · Answer

I would go with the 2nd woman, because she's the one who's in the picture. I'm not involved with the 1st woman. I don't do anything for her. I don't call her. I don't take her out. I don't love HER, I just love an idealized fantasy of her, which is more like coveting my neighbors wife than it is like anything else. Apparently I'm not a very loyal lover to the 2nd woman, seeing as how I'm considering leaving her for someone who isn't even there, so I have to really examine going with the 2nd woman. I am a selfish man. I need to quit being such a bastard and try practicing actual LOVE for the only woman I'm dating.

You're a jerk and I don't like you, brother, but I hope you'll take my advice.

your conscious · Answer

I think there is a problem here.  You seem to be wasting your life on women who are more of fantasies and wishful thinking.  If these women loved and wanted to be with you.....they would not be running off to another country without you. Why are you attracted to women who reject you and keep you in the *buddy zone*?  
You sound like a very tenderhearted and sentimental person who deserves to have your love reciprocated.  Find someone who wants to be with you where YOU are and leaves no doubt how they feel about you.  Until you let go of #1 in your heart.....there will be no true space for anyone else.

mavis · Answer

If the person waits around for the first lady to reappear, then she may never do and what a waste of a life which could have loved someone else and whom someone else could have loved.
The first lady might also die and then she will never come back and what a waste for him who waits and she knows nothing about.
If the 2nd lady is whom the man in question is in love with, then he is to pursue his happiness in her, but if he is not in love with her, then he must not be involved or he might start living with regrets.
stay with a person only if there is love within that relationship and it is both ways. she loves him he loves her, then you can build your relationship on this love. 

But if this is not the case then finish the relationship and look for another whom the person will love and want to stay with forever.

Bart Searl · Answer

Dude, the first girl had her chance and she blew it! I've been in a similar situation before, and believe me, the best thing to do is just forget about 'em and move on. So stick with your current girlfriend, unless of course she's just not doing it for you, in which case you should dump her and find somebody else.

Cory · Answer

I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place because I'm a rational adult male.  I'm what's called a "man".

There are thousands of single, attractive women in your area.  Stop wasting time on the ones that aren't available.

Also, post your questions in the appropriate sections (singles & dating).

? · Answer

I think you should write a story book.

Anonymous · Answer

I smell a three-way porn movie!

Trending News

If you were in this situation, what would you do?

8 Answers