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What do you think of my poem "Blind Eyes", C/C please?
Prisoner of her own house
Owned by a cat's paw
She's the helpless mouse
Beaten until raw
At what cost
Is her life?
Insides eaten by frost
Should it hurt to be his wife?
Queen size bed is her cage
Her face swollen from his rage
She sheds more tears than the rain
Forced to live her life in vain
Never ending, no way
Out of this hell
No words, nothing else to say
Safe inside herself, lost in her shell
3 Answers
- RosalindaLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Hi. This is a beautiful , kind of sad and very reflective at the same time, the image, and the rhyming makes your poem flow easily, the mood is very vivid i like how you painted a picture words. I don't think you should add nor take any thing away, it's lovely. Keep on writing.
- Tee HeeLv 61 decade ago
I like it! The rhythm is really nice. I like the meaning as well. What I would suggest is turning this line "Should it hurt to be his wife?" to something else. I think you should rhyme life with.. knife? You could say the husband is as sharp as a knife or something along those lines. I just think it would enhance the poem a little more. Other than that, nice poem!
- 1 decade ago
OMG I so hope this is not your real case. Yowee powerfully painful.
It all started with a smile
notions of love came afterwhile
Now what she dreamed were the Moon and the Stars
are Black and Blue, with mottled scars.
