Can I get some pointers for potty training?

Children usually begin to potty train around 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 years old, but it's not always so. It's not a bad idea to start having them sit on the potty for a few seconds or minutes (whatever they'll accept) before bedtime, as a nightly ritual to start getting them used to the idea of a potty, even though they might not care if they remember to use it or doesn't end up going in the potty. Below are some specific suggestions and ideas for you to look into.

It can take a long while before a child is properly potty trained. A lot of the time the reasons for having trouble potty training has to do with the child and their temperament, consistent parenting strategies and a lack of patience from parents. Usually, it takes a few months or so of solid, consistent parenting and potty training for it to sink in and make a lasting change. Without a structured routine then it can take much longer, even over a year, which is okay.

When the time comes to begin actively potty training them, it's important to think about how you want to approach potty training and to develop a plan. Decide when and how you want to start, what rewards, if any, you want to use, how to handle accidents, when to back off, and so on. At the same time, prepare to be flexible. Keep in mind that as with most developmental milestones, success doesn't necessarily happen in a linear fashion. Your child may make initial progress only to regress at one or more points along the way, which is also quite common. Discuss your plan with your child's sitter or daycare provider, if you have one, because they'll probably have plenty of experience and advice to share with you too. Once you've decided on a strategy, be sure you and everyone else who takes care of your child sticks to it the best they can.

Throughout potty training, your child should respond to positive reinforcement. Whenever they move on to a new step or attempted to use the potty without too much prompting (even when they don't quite succeed), tell them they're doing well and that you're proud of them. Compliment them now and then on their dry underpants and/or diaper. But be careful not to go overboard: Too much praise might make them nervous and afraid to fail, which can lead to more accidents and setbacks. It's likely your child will have numerous accidents before being completely potty-trained. Don't get angry or punish them either because that will only add to the problem: After all, it's only at around 2 - 2 1/2 years old or so that their nervous system has matured enough to perceive the sensation of a full bladder or rectum and that their muscles have developed enough to allow them to "hold it in." They'll get the hang of the process in time. When they have an accident, calmly clean it up and suggest (sweetly) that next time to try using their potty instead.

Here are some specific tips that will hopefully be helpful for you. As they progress and you feel it's time to work on potty training at night then start out by checking their diaper each morning. If they keep them dry throughout the night for a week, then it's time to focus on nighttime potty training. Toddlers' bladders are usually big enough to hold urine for 2-5 hours at a time once they have developed the ability to hold it in, and they should really start to know by now the feeling of waking up "dry". Talk to them about it daily. Show your enthusiasm over a dry diaper and suggest they graduate into big boy/girl sleeping underwear (disposable training underwear). Explain how they should try to stay dry and that they need to go to the toilet to go potty at night.

Limit liquids in the evening about 3 hours before bedtime and have them go to the bathroom right before bed. If you tend to stay up a couple hours or so after your child goes to bed, then you might want to wake them gently to go to the bathroom right before you go to bed. They might not fully wake up and that's okay, but guide or carry them to the bathroom, set them on the toilet and suggest they go potty. Another idea is to take your child to the bathroom each time you wake up to use the toilet. Modeling the behavior of using the potty over and over can really help speed things along. If you follow this consistently, then you should only have to do this for about the first few weeks, until they get used to getting up to use the toilet on their own.

If you find they do not need to go more often than not, then slowly stop waking them up as much. Praise them each time they go in the toilet and/or stay clean and dry. After a week of no accidents then try moving them into cotton training underwear. Try lining the mattress with a waterproof mattress pad (easy to find). Keep an extra one handy for nighttime accidents. Encourage your child to wake up on their own when they have the urge to potty, but continue to wake them and bring them to the bathroom for as long as needed or until they have stopped going at night for at least a few weeks in a row. Maybe even create and keep a star chart for them, where they can earn star stickers to put on a special wall calendar, as a motivating system. The experience needs to be as little traumatic as possible for them in order to succeed. The process also affects their level of confidence as they continue to grow and develop, so it's important they aren't shamed if they end up needing more time than others.

Just realize that they might not be ready physiologically; it differs from child to child. This doesn't mean you can't make small little adjustments to their nightly routine by having them sit on the potty, without a diaper of course, for however long they will sit there (just don't force them). This will at least get them used to the routine of sitting on a potty every night. If you think you have the time to have them sit on the potty three times a day, even if just for a half a minute then do that too, repetition and support will help them reach your potty training goals. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself in the process either. I also encourage you to call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000 and speak to one of our counselors, anytime 24/7.We can provide a listening ear, advice, referrals to local resources and crisis interventions as well. Feel free to check out this great website: http://www.parenting.org/

Good luck and all the best to you and your family..........Counselor JH.

What's the hurry? I had two little girls (granted the process of using the potty differs) and I had a relaxed, no pressure approach. There is absolutely no reason to rush a child to do anything that will come naturally. Does your child have a male figure in his life? If he does and you trust this person with such a delicate issue, let your child 'experience' the grown-up way of going to the potty. Eventually, he will show interest and positive re enforcement will encourage your child to want to participate. If you put unnecessary pressure on your child or show unusual interest in the topic, it may turn him off and cause him to go the other way - perhaps, even make him uncomfortable with the whole process. It is a guarantee that your child will go to the potty eventually in the near future (17 months seems a little too rushed) but let it happen naturally or you're going to have a battle on your hands. Relax and try to temper your expectations of what 'should' be happening... your child is an individual and he will need to go at his own pace... so let him and you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it will happen on his terms.

What worked for me was waiting until my daughter was ready. And, at 17 months your son is almost certainly NOT ready. Being able to walk well doesn't mean that he can control his sphincters. Those are totally different muscle groups.

I'd forget about it for now. Very few children are ready much before their second birthdays, and for most 2 1/2-3 1/2 is the usual range.

(I started at 32 months -- and was done in a week.)

too young to potty train

Most people begin training when their child is about two, but some kids may not be ready until well into their fourth year. Watch for the right signs, such as imitating others' bathroom habits, and don't pressure your child to start before they are ready. It's worth running through a basic checklist to see if they are ready.

First and foremost, this means investing in a child-sized potty or a special seat to attach to your regular toilet. Whichever you choose, make sure your child can stabilise themselves with their feet so he can push when they are having a bowel movement. You may also want to pick up an explanatory picture book or video for your child to help them get interested in training.

Sit your child fully clothed on the potty seat once a day -- after breakfast, before their bath, or whenever else they are likely to have a bowel movement . This allows them to get used to the potty and accept it as part of their routine. If they do not want to sit on it, that's okay. Never restrain your toddler or physically force them to sit there. And especially don't push the issue if they seems scared. In both cases, it's better to put the potty away, or at least aside, for a few weeks or a month and then try again. If they are willing to sit there, fine. But at this stage, don't even try to explain why they should use it; you just want them to get used to the thing. Make sure it's always in a convenient place -- since it's portable, your child's potty can be used in the garden or the playroom.

Sit your child on the potty seat without a nappy. Again, let them get used to what it feels like to sit there this way. At this point you can start explaining that this is what Mummy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day. That is, undressing before you sit down to go to the bathroom is the grownup thing to do. If they get the idea and produce something, that's fine. But don't push them to perform. Again, wait until they are ready and demonstrates a clear interest in using the toilet on their own.

It may help to show your child where their bowel movements go. The next time they go in their nappy, take them to their potty, sit them down, and empty the nappy beneath them into the bowl. This will help them make the connection between sitting and producing. After you've emptied their potty into the big toilet, let them flush it if they want to (but don't make them do it if they are scared) so they can see where it goes. Teach them to dress theirselves and wash their hands when they are done.

Encourage your child to use their potty whenever they feel the urge to go. But make sure they know that they can tell you, too, and that you'll take them to the bathroom whenever they want you to. If you can, let them run around sometimes without a nappy (or any clothing below the waist), with the potty nearby. Tell them they can use it whenever they want to and remind them occasionally that it's there if they needs it.

You may like to try using training pants whilst potty training. Some children like them and they help, others just think of them as a slightly different type of nappy and they defeat the object of the exercise. Some children are encouraged by having real underwear instead.

Virtually every child will have several accidents during potty training before being completely trained during the day and at night. Don't get angry or punish your child; after all, it's only recently that their muscles have developed sufficiently to allow them to hold their bladder and rectum closed at all. Mastering the process will take time. When they have an accident, calmly clean it up and suggest that next time he try using his potty instead.

Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take him several more months or years to master night potty training, so don't throw away his nappies just yet. At this age, their body is still too immature to reliably wake him up in the middle of the night just to go to the bathroom. You can help cut down on wet nights by not letting your toddler drink too much before bedtime and telling them that if they do wake up in the middle of the night they can call to you to help them get to the potty. You can also try leaving their potty near the bed in case they want to use it.

Believe it or not, when your child is ready to learn this new grown-up skill, they will. And if you wait until they are really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you. They will eventually be trained, and you won't have to think about it again

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