What's your advice for a depressed college student who wants to move back home?

Hi Rebbecca,

When I read your question the one thing that I wonder is if your depression is not tied your school but the pressure your family is putting on you, which is making returning home look attractive. However the one thing you are not putting into "the equation" is that things change, people change, and so do memories. You may find that if you did go back to your old life it is not the same as you remembered and that it is different. A part of it is due to the changes that have already occurred and the other aspect is due to the fact the memory is not the same. I would discourage you from returning and instead look at ways of coping with your family. It may mean that you need to distance yourself from them and maybe consider transferring to another four year university that better meets your need.

I like Montclair State, myself. It's a pretty campus, and - importantly - it ranks well re: things like "students are genuinely happy here". But I understand your family's angst re: prestige. IMO, prestige doesn't matter when other things are a concern, as in your case. And in education, it doesn't matter at all - and even with that said, Montclair State has a very well respected education program. IMO, you may want to apply to transfer there.

But at the same time, to keep your family happy, also apply to some other schools in the area - commutable from your home town - that have a bigger name. Some examples: Ramapo College (maybe 40 minutes from Montclair), Seton Hall, and every college in Manhattan, which again, is only about 30ish minutes from Montclair: NYU, Fordham, Hunter, Columbia, Barnard.

In addition, if Rutgers New Brunswick is commutable from your home, you can go there. I'm not sure how far New Brunswick is from Montclair.

It might be a good idea to talk to a counsellor in student health services at Vassar. They may be able to help you re: being depressed, and they can also help you figure out how to tell your family about your plans re: Montclair or any other uni, and have them actually understand your reasoning (and hopefully support it.)

I honestly can't help you out, because I'm going through the exact same thing right now, but I figured it might be comforting to know that you're my no means the only one.

I'm from RI, and I attend UW-Madison. I like it here, don't get me wrong. I like the people and the campus and everything, but I'm sick of people drinking their brains out. It's amazing that there really isn't much to do at such a huge school. It's a really good school, but I'm just... here. I'm not impassioned by any of my classes, and I suddenly find myself wishing that I'd gone to a smaller school closer to home, when all I cared about during the application process was going somewhere huge and far away. It feels like I'd be doing the wrong thing by transferring, cause I'd be transferring to a school with slightly lower academics, but honestly, the difference wouldn't be that huge. I applied as an anthropology major, cause UW has one of the best anthro programs in the country, and I really love it. After a month, though, I decided that I didn't want to do anthro, so I switched. Now I'm not confident in my switch, and I want to switch to something else. I no longer have any clue in hell what I want to do. I'm just... here. I like it, but that's it.

I'm going to wait until I'm home over Christmas break, though. If I find myself missing this place, I'll know I chose the right place. If I don't miss it at all, I'll have to conclude that I might have to transfer. It's not the end of the world, even though it feels like I'd be doing something wrong.

You need to do what's right for you. Sure it's nice to have your family's approval, but if you can't see yourself being happy at that college (not to mention they don't offer your a major in your field of choice), then you arn't going to be doing well academically, because your interest level isn't there. I did the same thing, I was going to an well known school in my state, but I was not happy, so I transfered closer to home and am now attending a city college and I love it. I am doing much better in my classes and am much happier.

In the end, it is your decision. Tell your parents you are not happy and would like to transfer. It is YOUR future, and they need to respect that.