Which is worse, being raped, or being falsely accused of rape?

Question

I recently read an article in the local newspaper that a lawsuit against our town was being dropped because the man who sued, moved away, making the suit moot. The man had sued because he was on the national sex offenders registry and was prevented from moving in with either of his sisters here because both of their houses were within 4,000 feet of a school (local ordinance). Later in the article it was revealed that the man was 42 and unmarried, had a menial job, and GET THIS, he had been convicted of statutory rape at age 16 because he had consensual intercourse with his girlfriend who was 13 at the time.

Being somewhat taken aback, I asked a local police chief about this sort of thing and he just shook his head and told me that the sex offenders registry creates a huge problem because those men who are on it are absolute social outcasts. They must register with the local law enforcement agency, inform prospective employers, and inform neighbors. Thus, they are pariahs to their neighbors, rarely marry, are rejected for higher education, have little chance of meaningful employment, and are relegated to outlying areas of their communities. Their lives being ruined, they sometimes turn to crime as the only way to "get ahead", if you can call it that. 

However, just being falsely accused can ruin a man's life also, even though he may not be convicted. Many lose their jobs, businesses, and even families. But worse, they lose their good reputations within their communities regardless. We know the awful devastation caused to victims of rape, but which is worse?

blt830 · Accepted Answer

Whichever one you're on the receiving end of. You're right though, too many lives get ruined by false accusations. My niece has accused several men of raping her, I think the total is six now. All of those men are registered sex offenders now, one lost his family and business. Several have done time because she started accusing when she was 14 and that's pretty serious. Unfortunately, her history can never be brought up so no one knows that her accusations are unfounded. She needs help but refuses to get it. It's so sad.

brandy · Answer

Both situations are serious wrongs to the victim. False accusations, as you have suggested, are very difficult to live down because our system has turned the criminal justice credo upside down on sexual and child abuse charges. We are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty but in this arena, the accused is treated as if he/she were guilty until proven innocent. Even then, as you said, the stigma remains. No person should have to live with the violation of being raped and no person should have to deal with being falsely accused of rape either. Can they both happen in the same case? Can a woman be raped and the accused be falsely blamed for it? On the surface, they should be mutually exclusive but it depends on the perspective. The woman may feel that she was raped and the man may feel that he was falsely accused. That is where the trial by jury of peers is supposed to sort out the two stories and come up with justice. Does it always work? No, it does not. We hope that most of the time, it does work. One common scenario is the drunk sex cases. Both have been drinking and don't really appreciate what they are doing. The next morning, the woman says she tried to say no and the man claims that the whole thing was completely consensual. It happens all the time. Moral to that story, don't drink and dally in bed.

Sara · Answer

(I can't help but think that you really don't know the devastation caused to victims of rape if you ask a question like this.

You must know this will be filled with people like "the man" making disgusting comments about how "All rape accusations are false" and that "Of course being accused is worse, most rape claims are lies")

However to answer your question, I think both are horrible and I don't know if I can say which is truly worse.

Having been raped I know how awful it is, how it can take years to get over, how mental and physical scars sometimes never go away. How disturbing/insulting it is to see idiots claim rape "never happens" or "isn't that bad"

I've never been accused so I can't compare from experience, but in their own ways I think they're both probably on a similar level.

Stephen Returns · Answer

I would say the former; the emotional impact would be harder to erase if a person were raped than if they were accused of the rape. If a person is accused of a crime they usual have supporters, backers, legal team on their side; a rape victim in the middle of an assault has only the perpertrator, or perpertrators, defiling them.

Adam · Answer

Well, if you go to prison, then being accused is worse. If nothing happens, then obviously not.

Helena · Answer

Its very difficult to say which is worse - both can lead the victims to suicide.

Anonymous · Answer

You can't compare suffering. It's both horrible.

Anonymous · Answer

Getting raped, at least if your falsely accused you know that you didn't do it

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know, but I dont want a strangers semen inside me.

Anonymous · Answer

People accused of rape. Look what happened to JFK, he killed himself.

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Which is worse, being raped, or being falsely accused of rape?

10 Answers