Does my suggestion to eat out for Christmas dinner seem totally unreasonable?

Your family enjoys their traditional get together, and they don't want to vary from it. I think you'll have to accept that, since they seem very resistant to changing. If you want, you and whoever else wants to join in can eat at the restaurant, and then stop by your family gathering afterward to visit with the rest that wanted to stick with the usual get together. Maybe when they see that this slight variation from the "normal" way of doing things doesn't cause the sky to cave in, they might be more open to going out as a family for the next holiday.

Sorry, but I'd have to agree with your family on this one. That is what the holidays are about, for better or worse. The holidays are about getting family together and spending quality time with eachother. That includes the cooking, laughing, making a mess, and cleaning it up. It seems so impersonal to go to some hotel buffet. There is nothing wrong with tradition. You should be grateful to have a big family to get together with during the holidays, as many lack that comfort. It would be one thing to say, "You know what guys? This year I'm going to treat the whole family to a Christmas lunch!", but unless you've got the money for that kind of thing, that's not really an option. If the problem is that you are spending too much on holiday meals, have a talk to your family about everyone pitching in equally. If the problem is too much of the house work and/or cooking is being put on one person, again, have a conversation with your family about dividing these tasks up better.

If your family were all okay with changing it up and going nontraditional, I'd say go for it and have fun. That's just not the case though. Since your family is not all okay with it, you should not try to force things to go your way anyway. You should either stick with the traditional family get together, or go off on your own and do your own thing.

It is not un-family oriented - it is just the fact that your family is old fashioned and not used to new ideas. I have a large family myself and every year we all went to my parents house for a traditional dinner - some of us brought dishes, but my Mom insisted on cooking a lot herself. Now that my parents are in their 80's we siblings decided to have all the Christmas dinners at different restaurants or hotels- we have been doing this for the past 8 years and everyone enjoys it. We all take turns each year picking a new place. My parents of course were very reluctant the first few years because they were used to having everyone over at their place, but with all the work they did it was hard on them as they got older - we all wanted to give them a break.

The pricing you have is however quite steep - try a nice place that has a buffet for less than that - there are plenty of places that have nice brunches or nice buffet dinners for under $40 per person. They may be having a hard time because of both the price and the fact that this is a new thing....if you get a cheaper place, they may warm up to the idea and after a couple of years, they will embrace the new tradition, like my parents did.

Your suggestion does not sound unreasonable at all - but since the aunts, etc. have been doing it their way for so long, you probably shouldn't expect too much of a response in your favor. Tradition is something that people count on, and they often get set in their ways about it - particularly the older family members.

Maybe you can come to a compromise with them. Spend a lovely traditional Christmas Eve with them, and you and the others who want to go to the hotel can do that on Christmas Day. Or, go to the hotel, then join the rest of the family later for dessert.

Either way, remember that you should be able to enjoy your day, same as everyone else. Whatever you come up with, have fun!

I totally understand why you feel the way you do - and yet I think you're wrong to make this arrangement unless you are prepared to pay for everyone.

Eating out this way is FAR more expensive per head and Christmas is a pricey time of year anyway. Some families may have to pay out $100 or $200 for lunch. Plus they'll be in a strange place, not in a familiar place where they all feel at home.

Add to that the fact that some people actually enjoy cooking Christmas lunch and having the family come to share it with them, I reckon you're onto a loser here.

You may not like to stick to traditions but I think you probably have to concede that Christmas is not the time of year for you. Most people love this kind of tradition.

Don't be afraid to admit you've made a mistake and laugh it off. You can go to a buffet any night of the year - just appreciate Christmas for what it means to the other members of your family. I'm sure you wouldn't want to enjoy Christmas at the expense of the majority of them.

Have a good day.

It sounds like a nice idea what you have planned - so much more relaxing - you don't have cook, to do dishes, put away the food. Even if just your husband and aunt are present that is a nice little group. If your aunt is agreeable to this I am sure other relatives will be too they are probably just afraid to say anything because of the politics that come with doing something other than the usual.

If you know anyone who is going to be spending Christmas alone ask them if they would like to join you, letting them know the price which is reasonable.

Your request isn't unreasonable. But you need to realize that the cooking, and preparation, and all the things you think are repetitive and unimaginative are the things that your family considers enjoyable and part of the celebration...I don't think it's as much about the expense as it is about the feeling that of comraderie and 'family' that comes from pulling a holiday celebration like this together. Personally, I can maybe see doing something like this for Thanksgiving...but not Christmas...it just wouldn't feel 'right' to me.

Are you expecting everyone to just give up their traditional dinner and go along with your idea? Or are you just talking about the dinner at your own house? If you're talking about a big family dinner then I don't see where you get off. People enjoy their traditions and aren't likely to change them just for you. And yes $40 to $65 a person is very high.

Well, see, you should express yourself more clearly. Because when you say "Several people have flat out refused to attend" it sounds very much like you EXPECT them to go along with you.

2 hours together eating out vs. all day together in someone's home, hmmmmm.

I vote with your family. And since you're just recently back in the area, don't be so pushy.

But, you can refuse to slave too much. Don't have it at your house next time, then you can bring a dish, visit, eat & leave them to deal with the stupidity, I mean mess since they insist on making it. There's no reason to make so much for left overs, that's too much $, too much work, and too much cleanup. Fight to change that.

Happy Holidays!

You, and the few of you that don't want to go to the family dinner, go to the hotel for dinner. Leave the rest of the family to do what they enjoy doing. It's once a year (maybe twice if you are including Thanksgiving) - so what? Why do you want to rain on everybody's parade? If you don't want to participate with the family, don't. But don't expect everyone to follow in line with you.

Your family sounds lovely -