Thoughts, comments, suggestions?

You start off with some nice action, so that's good. I'm not crazy about 'for he did' because it seems so formal - or is that the tone you're setting with this? It's hard to imagine this tattoo on the collarbone - plus how could he look at it unless he had a mirror. If he's getting mugged, I don't get why the leader wouldn't just take those things. Asking just seems a little unbelievable.

Three prologues seem a bit like overkill. Why can't each character just have a chapter introducing them? Anyway, I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors but those are things that jumped out as I was reading. It's good, but I think you could expland the prologues into chapters and it would be even better. Good luck!

It's not bad... I like the way you write and I'm not noticing any mistakes such as spelling offhand. So that's good. However, it seems... choppy? Like it's very quick and I'm unsure of what's going on. It all happens so fast. The characters need a bit more explanation about them. There needs to be a bit more detail as well. I still feel that I'm not connected to the scene or very sure what is going on. Other than that, very nice.

Yeah i might want to flow see a healthcare professional who truthfully is conscious what he's doing. yet in case you've been pregnant who likely might want to have some signs and indicators like your breast being fairly sore and your decrease back hurting and cramps to boot. also i comprehend those are indicators of a classic era yet they are frequently a lot more desirable worse then once you're on your era. yet i will't garantee that those indicators are reason your pregnant. the suited aspect to do is see yet another healthcare professional and performance a blood try done. yet you would possibly want to continually take yet another being pregnant try yet flow with a moreexpensivee one reason the less expensive they are the a lot less affective they are at telling you your effects.

It really is very very good. You´re a good writer, the story is already different than the others, and that´s really good. It almost felt like I was there, but I think you can make it a little bit better: you could write more about his feelings, and more about what is he is seeing. It might make it more real for the reader.

It's really great. Keep it up!

Good luck!

xx'Rose

Wow, yeah that's pretty compelling. I'm not sure whether I identify with this guy or not, but I certainly want to know what happens next...

That's good! I'm really drawn in! Now I want to know more!! You should turn this into a book!