Will you give me constructive criticism on my book?

It wasn't bad. I saw a few mistake, so I wrote them in ().

Cloudstar, stared into the deep yellow eyes of her enemy. She let out a ferocious hiss and swiped an unsheathed paw at her(might want to say her enemies flank) flank, her opponent returned the blow with just as much force and emotion. They’re(their) clan had been raided one two many times, we(they) must win this battle, for if we(they) do not our(their) clan shall surely perish in a flame of defeat. Turning on the cat Cloudstar flew another paw, this time striking the tom(')s muzzle, it sprayed her with drops of the Tribe of Wandering Paw‘s foul blood reeking of fox, and badger. After fighting off the strong tabby tom she called, “Falconpaw!“, Cloudstar shouted(You don't need Cloudstar...battle) over the noise of the battle, “You must take a message of plea to Flameclan, they are our only hope now!”. Falconpaw, bloody and battered, only nodded his head in agreement, and took off toward the fern barrier(,) now trampled and stinking from the tribes paws. Falconpaw raced through the exit and ran through the trees, stopping to taste the air,(.) he(He) scented more of the tribe cats in the tree-tops, looking up Falconpaw saw thousands of glittering eyes, as bright as silver pelt staring down upon him. “Now!”, came a screech from above. Many cats rained down upon Falconpaw swallowing him up in a mass of wriggling pelts and flashing claws. These were not only the pelts of the vicious tribe, but also the pelts of Flameclan, Skyclan’s neighbors. Falconpaw(,) fighting his way through the mass of fighting cats he picked out the cat he was looking for. Redstar the leader of Flameclan. I must ask her to come to our camp!. Falconpaw explained the situation and after finishing off the cats that had come down from the tree’s they raced back to the clearing and were shocked to find the bodies of Weaselpaw, Badgerpaw, and Sandmask laying bloodied underneath high branch. The tribe cats had gone. Cloudstar arose from the shadows and padded unevenly towards them. “You are too late Redstar, they have taken everything , taken the kits, killed the elders along with Sandmask and our two newest apprentices Weasel and Badgerpaw”, meowed Cloudstar, solemnly.

Hoped i helped!

I don't mind reading about cats acting in such a way but you do need a little bit more experience. They're means They Are and Their means that it belongs to someone and There implies a place. You also need to add in paragraphs, a large chunk of writing can easily be tiring to the eye. Use ' when you are thinking as well as different paragraphs when a different person is speaking or thinking. The names are strange and sometimes a little hard to wrap your tongue around so don't include their names just as much. But other than that, edit a lot since there is a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes but after that I'm sure it'll be a great story. Good luck!

It's alright as long as it's a fan fiction and you're not trying to publish. Everyone learns by imitation in the beginning - that's how I started anyway :).People could give you constructive criticism on fanfiction.net.

I didn't read it all, but you don't need the comma in the very beginning right after Cloudstar. And it's "their clan" and not "they're clan". It seems alright overall though, you've got a start.

Good luck with your writing.

Did you eliminate paragraphs just for posting here? It seriously needs some breaks in it, as is it is largely an unreadable wall of text.

Also, I don't think this should be the opener. The reader has no emotional involvement in any of the characters. Since you are presenting a battle scene, you want your reader to be cheering on the right character. By starting out with the battle, why should we care about it?

If you clean up the formatting, typos etc I'm sure it will be a fine story.

Firstly, the actual plot is hard to understand because of the similarities of the names. The whole prose style is really stilted and you don't really have much of a handle on punctuation. The entire premise of the story seems nonsensical and probably not worth developing.

It's alright, but it should be more unique, but i mean its good writing. You had a few mistakes, but nothing editing can't fix. Good luck!

answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Anu1q...

cloudstar?

NO!!!! THAT IS A CHEAP COPY OF WARRIORS! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF COPY WRITE!!!!????

I think it was good.