Is it okay to go out drinking with the ex?

Question

I've been in a relationship and living with a guy for over a year now. We got together when he was separated from his wife. They're now divorced but now his ex wife is insisting that they go out for dinner and drinks like they used to back when they were together. I am uncomfortable with that and told him so, and he agrees and understands. I just feel it's not appropriate to go out drinking with your ex when the relationship has long been over and you're now in a new relationship, it's just disrespectful. However, I still wonder a little bit if I overreacted or was I right to feel uncomfortable about him going out drinking with his ex wife, even though I know the whole thing would be innocent--on his part, anyway?

Update:

@Aguilar: "like old times" were her words. They had plenty of time during separation to talk about old times and such but when all was said, it was him who filed for divorce because when it's over, it's over and it was the right thing to do. When it's over, it's over, baby. The last one to get that, apparently, is her.

Anonymous · Answer

What would concern me is that you said "like they used to back when they were together."  Were these words hers or yours?  If it was hers, I would think that she misses the old times and wants him back (maybe not consciously.. but subconsciously).  I love that your boyfriend completely understands and supports your feelings and request... that is a great sign.  If you really feel that you want to let him talk old times with his ex, I would suggest that you be invited too... you want to "enjoy the different company/experience" right?... hint hint.  After all, you want to show his ex, that you want to support him in all that he wants and does... hint hint.  If you both are drinking, I would suggest that your boyfriend be the designated driver.. that leaves little excuse for his ex to make a move and your boyfriend to have suspicious situation.  I would limit your alcohol intake as well.  The best way to to be ahead of the curve is to be sharp.  Expect the best experience, but be prepared to fight for your man.  Good Luck and God Bless

Anonymous · Answer

Hey, After one day, again one day, my changed attitude had my ex calling and wanting to see me.  I won't take his calls but this showed me that the changes I was shown in The Magic Of Making Up, worked...it helped me more than you will ever know... 

Maybe it would work for you

Jose-BKA_CHINO · Answer

First of all you didn't overreact,you was in your right mind to feel uncomfortable. If you didn't say anything and you didn't feel uncomfortable you just wouldn't be human. I understand that you Trust him and you know on his part it would be innocent but you don't know what her intentions are, my advice to you.If you want to know her intentions,and if she's insisting for them to go out tell him to take you with him and if he or she deny to well you already know somethings wrong. But at any moment don't let them go out together with out you it's not appropriate and it's disrespectful.           GOOD LUCK

Ashley · Answer

your right. I think it's disrespectful. Their relationship is over. There is no reason why they should be going out for drinks.

kay · Answer

uh no thats completely reasonable of you to ask him to skip out on that. that is just something he shouldnt do if he has a long term relationship with a girlfriend now and is way over with his ex. it could not lead to good things and you wouldnt want their relationship as "friends" or whatver to continue after that either.

the_snuggler1 · Answer

No I dont believe you over reacted. It isnt rite for him to go out for drinks with ANY woman without you regardless who it is.

Kacey · Answer

I don't see there being a problem with it, if you trust him you should be ok with it. Like you said it happened a long time ago.

Anonymous · Answer

You did not overreact she needs to get over it
and understand that he is committed to someone 
else now.

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Is it okay to go out drinking with the ex?

8 Answers