A question for Christians and Atheists?

I don't see you two staying together unless one of you drastically changes their views.

I guess your dilemma is this. If you really loved her, would you really want her to change so much about herself (even if it would be to her benefit.) Can you really love someone so, sorry to say, ignorant?

Can you realistically see her changing?

Her being a Christian believes that there is life after death. That the God who created the universe also created heaven and hell. So I can see her view on trying to "indoctrinate" you because she doesn't want you to end up in hell. Shows that she cares for you if she believes there is a hell..so I guess you could take that as a plus lol.

Well man, I don't have alot of answers for you on this one cuz differing beliefs usually cause a little bit of strife. What I would suggest is that you two just get things straight with each other right off. Take a book or something that takes her position and a book or something that takes your position. Go through them one at a time(or at the same time) together...you could cuddle while you do it ;)...and just read it and discuss it and then you will know each others position much better.

I have a link to a free book that would take her position. I got one once cuz someone told me about it. Though I don't know of a free book that takes your position...I'm sure there's one out there someplace. The link is: http://www.oneheartbeataway.org/ It just shows why people believe what she believes...then find a book that does the same for your position.

lol plus doing something as thoughtful as that will show her that you truly care about her and the relationship.. it's a win win. AND you get more knowledge about both issues. so a win win win? haha

peace man

You seem like a really tolerant person so that is a very good start. But you have to realize that it is really hard for a person to change their beliefs, you said it yourself that you probably won't change your own beliefs no matter what. So it is very important that you realize the internal struggles she is going through right now even in questioning her own beliefs. You said she has changed her mind about evolution a couple of times, so she wants to change but is too emotionally attached to her old beliefs.

The important thing is don't get mad at her. It is common human psychology for a person to believe in their beliefs even stronger after an argument. For example if I say the Seahawks are going to win by five points tommorrow, and we argue about it, at the end of the argument I'll say the Seahawks are the greatest team in the NFL and will win by fifty points tommorow. People will try really hard to justify their original beliefs.

Another thing you have to remember is that she truly believes in this. Just as much as you believe that being gay is biological she truly believes with all of her heart that it is a choice. And it is really difficult to stop believing in something that important and when you do stop believing, it makes a major change to your personallity so keep that in mind.

As far as your kids go, well you need to talk to your girlfriend about it. You truly need to have a heart to heart discussion about how you two would want to raise your children, and ask her how she would deal with raising a gay or lesbian child.

Anyway hope I helped a little but mostly this is a very personal thing and only you and her can deal with it.

Christian

If you go hardcore Bible canon, believers should not marry non-believers. (e.g. Have children with)

Now for my opinion...

(I don't think) There can be no compromise. This happened to my parents, divorced now.

I'm with your girlfriend,I think. I do not condone homosexuality, but I'm not out to hunt them, or to outlaw it by any means. (abortion I will though. A wanted fetus has more right to live than an undesired one?)

Somewhere at the end of Revelation, He who does evil, let him do evil still.

I will give gays the same treatment as non-gays.

I think very little has basis in scientific fact, unless you can prove it yourself. I would like to argue over evolution and the gay gene and all that, but passive aggressive arguments suck, and I already made one.

Look more into it (science, can't hurt), but I think there's no compromise on religion. I grew up with a overly religious mom and an atheist father. Although excruciatingly painful, as all such hard experiences are, I think it was very rewarding. The child must make his own decisions about her beliefs. For the whole rest of their life people are going to be telling them things that aren't scientific fact.

From our religion, "4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Good luck.

While the idea of a deity, or even spending time pondering on that iidead may be tribial to us athiests, to her its not. And as a conservative christian she has made that blatantly obvious. You said she is constantly tryin gto indoctriante you, my anser would be that, unless she is willing to give yo the peace of allowing your own beliefs without chastizement, there is honestly no future ahead fo rthe two of you. Have ou met her family yet? my guess would be that a conservative christian woman has conservative christian roots. That would have a DIRECT effect on any children you tow would have, and like it or not, unless you two come a common ground, the kids would be dragged to church every sunday, baptrized and force-fed this sutff.

Perhaps a compromise (as far as children go ) would be to allow the children a life of peace from religion, until they are of age to make an informed decision for themselves, say 15 or 16 years old?

No, there's no reasonable expectation that things will get better. They will get worse. Bank on it.

When there is a relationship between two people, one religious and one not, the religious person ALWAYS eventually has to make a choice. They have to choose to stop growing in their faith, or they have to choose to stop growing in their relationship. There is no other alternative.

For your part, if she continues to grow in her faith and stops growing in her relationship with you, you'll feel slighted. You'll be hurt and will become resentful. You'll both feel like a bad husband for not going to church with her, and you'll be angry that she's going off to church and leaving you at home.

Trust me on this. I know MANY people this happens to.

Sure, some people will say that they were able to work out their differences and have had a long, positive relationship. But those people have always faced the choice I've outlined, and the religious person has chosen to stop growing in their faith.

This is way too common.

You both will do better with someone else.

Yes, that's cold and blunt, but it's the truth that will ultimately save you both much pain.

-----

By the way, you need to do some research on the causes of homosexuality. Studies on identical twins raised separately show an extremely low rate of concurrence for homosexuality, a result that says homosexuality is NOT caused by genetics and NOT a result of in utero conditions.

Dude, it's way too late at night to read all that. Might I suggest a simple phrase you might want to remember next time you post a novel when all you want to post is a simple question. If you follow this advice, more people will read your question and actually provide you with a great answer. And fewer people will waste your time writing dumb answers like this one. That simple advice is: K.I.S.S.

KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. The art of wit is brevity, and the shorter your question is, the more likely you are to get responses that actually mean something. Or another good suggestion would be to write questions that people actually care about, or at least take the time to read. As this question clearly shows, no one is actually going to read a long winded statement. There are simply too many nice and short questions that they could answer without taxing their brains to much, especially this late at night. Now I know that I failed to answer your question, which I explained that I am way to tired to read right now, as it is a bit long. Next time, cut out the unneeded fluff and just get to point and don't ramble aimlessly, leaving people to contemplate how the hell you are going to finish the rant off, and if you are actually going to actually pose a query, ask a question, or just boor people to death. If there is one thing that bothers me the most about Y!A is the way some people sem to think that all the good members of Y!A have to do is sit and read one question, while others go unanswered while people are reading a pointless post. Not that your post is pointless. I can't say that it is, as, like I have said before, I haven't got the time nor the energy to actually read it. I am sure it is a very good question, Maybe I'll go back and read it after I post this answer. Then again, may be not. Either way, I hope you have learned something from this and take away a good, fair lesson. Good news, and good night to you, my friend.

Realistically, with viewpoints this diverse, there is little hope of you building a marriage together (or a family). You sound open minded (which is good), but it is hard to not be confrontational when the person is close. She wants you to convert to Christianity because she:

a) Thinks you will both be in heaven together.

b) Has a majority of family members who would think less of her if she married an atheist.

Sorry to say, but your relationship does not have a long future.

I hate to say this but a person's religion or lack of, is nothing trivial. Millions of people have went to war over religion. And millions of people have died because of people's beliefs. My only suggestion to you is to end the relationship. If she is as hard-core as you say she is then, the subject of religion is going to ruin your relationship. Plus you do not want your future children to be raised in the same manner as she has been. I know if you really love her, it is going to be hard to do. But it has to be done. And you have to look at your own happiness also. Will you be happy always arguing about how to raise children? I ended a 13 year relationship because of such things.

I seems to me that you are fairly willing to compromise, but she is not.

She seems to be using her faith as blinders for some facts about life and people.

I hate to say this, but I think that if you both cannot get on the same page about religion - your tolerance and her lack of tolerance - then your relationship is doomed to fail, if not in the near future, then in the distant future.

I would say that it could be possible, as long as both of you were able to give and take a little. But it seems both of you are pretty set on your own beliefs.