14 yr marriage & my wife's daughter has been allowed to rule the house & I'm out of answers?

Your wife feels guilty to her daughter about how she was raised with out her birth father. I don't know if he is the picture or not. But, this guilt has led her to spare the rod and spoil her daughter, literally. She has never been taught how to respect anyone but herself and she is now a selfish adult. Your wife did a horrible job preparing her daughter for adulthood just to ease her own guilt. She cared more about her own feelings than her daughter's.

For her grandchild's sake, this "child" needs to become a real adult. The baby deserves a mother who is productive. You deserve a wife who respects you and your home.

If your wife is not going to consider your feelings about this and respect you on this point, I think you may have to consider divorcing her.

Basically you need to tell your wife she is free to make her own choice. But as of the 15 of the month you will be vacating the property and if she can not make the mortgage you need to put the house up for sale. Tell her that you have been unhappy for some time in the marriage and she has been unwilling to support you as a true life partner should.

Then you must leave to give your words weight. Make a written list of what must change for you to come back with your paycheck. If she wants to reconcile, discuss and negotiate the list. To keep this adult female in the house is a deal breaker and stay away until she has been relocated. You can only win given this tactic. You will find out just how important you truly are from this woman once she realizes that she may have lost you. Don't get mad, argue or shout. Calm temperament and determination will have much greater impact. Now go look for some short term housing, set up your own checking account and get a storage facility to start storing some items until you leave.

I'd talk to your wife about this and then make suggestions. You don't want to support this daughter financially and you need to decide what you will do about this. Talk about this as a couple, so you come together as a couple. You may need a counselor's assistance. Obviously, you know that a 20 yr old with no job skills and no money, can't support a 2 month old, so your wife is going to be worried about that as well, so you need to offer some suggestions there because she isn't going to be willing to throw them out on the street. Maybe the condition is that your wife watches the baby only if the daughter goes to college or works. This is why you need a counselor, because your wife may not see your issues unless a third party makes some suggestions to open her eyes.

If your ex is bi polar and not taking her meds properly she could causing a very unstable enviroment at home. However, you mentioned that she has another child with her boyfriend. Do you have other children in your home. Perhaps this has something to do with it. I do know that children will act out when they don't have stability in their lives. Not saying she has a bad mother but it sounds like she has more to deal with at your ex's home than at yours. Of course she is also ten and puberty is coming on. Mom's and daughters usually beginning butting heads at this point as well. You could also take your daughter to a conselor and get their opinion on the situation. Good Luck!

On her 18 th Birthday . . the card and suit case should have said it all .....

Now .. it sounds like Mom is codependent on the daughter... and she has gone out and re-produced . . .

Sorry guy .. there are way too many umbilical cords in that house . . . I say cut and run.

Tell .. Not ask .. Tell the wife to choose . . Then be prepared to follow through . . You have a set right .. get them out of the jar she has them in ... and take a stand ... even if it's to say what is wrong with this and then leave. you do deserve a happy life too . . .

Stand up, or suffer silently.

Does she let you see them on that shelf once and a while ...

If you want this to work out, you absolutely have to be fair to your stepdaughter, I know it's hard because she isn't yours, but you can't treat her like a roomate, I mean if it was your kid, you wouldnt throw them out.

That being said, marriage is a two way street, you must let your wife know that this is destroying your marriage, I suggest going to couple's therapy, they should be able to help you if your marriage is able to salvaged.

Try to keep this in mind, throwing her out is not an option, parents dont do that to their children, but at the same time there has to be some sort of compromise, like if she can't get her life together then there will have to be some sort of restrictions.

You cant throw her out on her ***, but parent sometimes do have to force their kids out of their homes, it sounds confusing, but what I mean is, it can't be out of anger, you have to know that she will be able to make it if she is on her own.

Just make sure you talk to your wife in a calm way, even talk with her with her stepdaughter there, will take away the illusion of talking behind her back, I mean she needs to hear this anyway. Be fair, she is 20, not 30, and she has a child. but make sure that she knows this way of walking all over you two is not ok, that she is living in your house, and its important to be respectful

its time for the daughter to grow up and be a woman, even if it means she has get on housing to do it. she was grown enough to make a baby so she is grown enough to get out on her own. there are places she can apply for this and she can get all the other goverment aids available for her and her child. i think its time to have a talk with your wife about this so you two can have your time and home to yourselfs and work on your marriage, if she is willing. then bring it to the daughter and help her make her way out of the house by assisting her to get this done.

unfortunately if your wife doesnt see her being there as a problem you may have to take matters into your own hands as far as making yourself happy, maybe threaten to move out or something. good luck.

Time to kick her out! she should respect you in YOUR house! Give her an eviction notice and if it means divorce the so be it! She is being a b****H and you have that right to throw her out! She will find another meal ticket! I am a step mom, but the kids are adults and independent. She will have 90 days to get her own place after the notice and if she can't save up, you can claim abuse!

first - some observations:

- The biblical model of marriage is that a husband and wife shall leave their parents and be joined together. (The principle is that a married couple is supreme to every other relationship ESPECIALLY children)

- The biblical principle of raising children is expressed in the Book of Proverbs, "Spare the rod and hate your child", which means the failure to apply sound discipline on children is an expression of hatred towards the child.

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Based on these two observations, I see you would like to have a biblically-based relationship with your wife and daughter, but your wife hinders it. You really should seek the regular input from a local minister.

After 20 years your wife is not going to change now. My advice is leave while you are young enough to start again.