I need help from you guys.?

This is the only community I am a member of that she isn't. Anyway...

I am in love with my best friend. I met her my sophomore year of college, and I was smitten with her then. Problem is, I was her first boyfriend, and she had expected less affection than I gave, which, combined with my original clinging, was a recipe for disaster. After we broke up, we maintained contact, since we were both members of the same social group and all, and we became close friends. Hell, I helped her through a crush on my roommate, who was in Japan at the time. But in October 2009, all of my friends split, each hating a different one for a different reason. During this time, she and I grew close, to the point she wanted to set me up with her former roommate because she thought that we would be good for each other. My roommate, myself, and her were the only ones left in our bracket, and for the rest of the year, she would come to our room every day. I presumed this was because of the roommate, but she has maintained contact with me.

Problem is, when I get close to someone, they become the embodiment of something to me, and when I lose that friend, they take that with them, as a connection for me to maintain. She took with me my conviction and confidence. She became that, and I could only feel those things properly when she was around or in contact. But because we had dated, and I had messed up, she described it as one of the worst experiences of her life.

I have only loved fully three times in my life, and the last two have either been shut out of my life or shut themselves out. I don't want her to be the same way, but the problem is I love her, and I constantly wish she could love me back. Hell, we make plans to take trips around the world, live out our lives together, but she insists I am not for her. I have grown up a lot these past few years, what with the things I underwent (I will always argue that college age is when most people mature, either through messing up their own lives or riding it out). And I don't want to have to shut her out too, since she'll be the third, along with my joie de vivre and patronly air, and I miss those two more than anything.

I don't need you to say "Go for it" or "Forget her" or "Detach the emotion" or any of that. I need honest advice on what you would do in this situation.

TL;DR: I am in love with my ex/best friend, but I messed up our first relationship. Should I shut her out of my life, endure the friendship, or let her know how I feel, which may make her run?