Please evaluate my dark poem!?

Question

I feel the monster rise,
As my soul descends into the dark,
God I beg, give me a reprise.
It swims like a hunger shark.
A cold, lonely, passionless pit.
A hellish experience even before death.
A pain, a sorrow, NO a fit!
A stabbing pain at every breath!

     Monster leave me in peace!
Find another heart to gnaw!
Swallow me whole like a coat of fleece,
No not warm, but rather cold and raw!

More and more empty,lonely and in despair,
monster go away!
You badger me until I curse the very air!
Claws sank in all the way!

Even with your hatred, emptiness, and Dark spirit,
I will beat you yet,this I know'
For I have found a way and am I am doing it!
For even now I still row!

? · Accepted Answer

I like it. I think a poem flows better into readers' minds if it rhymes. I don't know how, but it just does. In addition, I like how you wrote it so that people have to think deeply about what the poem is trying to say. It gives them ideas and gets them thinking. Your emotions are clearly conveyed through punctuation, which is good. Don't use too many exclamation points though, or it could get tiring.

writethatgirl · Answer

I think its very good,  It's content and rhythm become very clear almost immediately.  Your use of words to refer directly to your topic (without using the word that states your topic) is very well done.  It leaves the reader thought provoked.

Depression was the topic I immediately picked up on, please correct me if I misinterpreted.
I see a similar style of writing that I use to depict and expression how I see depression, sadness, etc.

? · Answer

this is a soulful poem.its touch my heart.you expressed your views and toughts so nicely.thanks for this beautiful poem.

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Please evaluate my dark poem!?

3 Answers