husband/wife issues need your opinion.?

Oh honey, it's not just your hubby all guys think we women make such big deals over nothing because....sometimes...we do! LOL! (Other times not) Okay, it's good that he does include the kids in your activities, alot of men do the opposite to your hubby, they only plan for the wife and NEVER include the children, so in a way give him a couple of points for that. On the other hand you're a mum with 4 kids, so you're tired...god love ya, who wouldn't be!!:) You want the break and some time with your man...simpple!. Hubby's thinking, ("I can't believe I made all this effort and all she does is criticise me for it, god she overreacts!!!) He just sees the end result...a day away together for our anniversary (albiet with 4 kids in tow), he doesn't get the fact that like you say, you have to plan for the kids, make sure 6 month old has nappy bag packed, load in and out of car, drive...possibly stopping for pee/spew breaks for kids etc, etc. His brain isn't wired like that. It's (and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way to him) "I'll half plan a day away, we'll get there and it'll be fun"...period. You/mum's think " Now...what do I have to ORGANISE first BEFORE we leave for this great adventure....AND have I compensated for everything going wrong seeing we have to take the children?" LOL! In short.....It is a day of more work for you, NOT a break with the man you love. Meanwhile he thinks he's killing it by having picked up the phone to call a sitter. Obviously organisation is not his forte, but good intentions are. Have you told him how in order for you to say "Wow good job love, you've done well: that he NEEDS to plan it ahead. Once he really grasps the concept of the appreciation and possible brownie points he'll receive if he pulls it off, he'll keep doing half/half plans. The no card no gift part sucks though, he doesn't get any pat on the back for that...but then again, he didn't think this paln would backfire. No, I don't think you're expecting too much at all, you just have to find a way to get him to understand what it means FOR HIM if he pulls it off for you in the future and in the way YOU want him to do it. At the moment he's only doing it the way he wants to...which isn't working for either of you and is SOOOO frustraing, I know! Appeal to his greed! Sounds silly, but it'll work.

Thank you, you have made me feel more normal.

I am currently pissed about not getting what I wanted for my 25th wedding anniversary, I didn't get it for the Holidays either, nor for my Birthday which just passed. And he knows exactly what I wanted. He also can easily afford it. He makes that much in a day or two at most. So I went ahead and bought jewelery for myself which I know I am going to feel will bring me bad luck (I can be rather superstitious that way).

Are you wrong to be upset? Am I also wrong? Maybe, but feelings are feelings we can rationalize our way around them but that doesn't always make it completely better.

How will it work out? If we are smart we will remain married and work it through. He will buy me what I wanted and hopefully get it wholesale which is why it is an issue. I don't want him getting it retail as I was in that business years ago. Of course that will either mean my sending him info and picking it out which I do not want to do, because it will mean less to me. Or he will end up going retail, because he has strange shyness issues, even if I send him a phone number and info, oh well.

And your husband will get a sitter (or you will find one and hope he hires her for a surprise on his own) and take you somewhere.

Why will this happen? Because we are in relationships and eventually these things happen.

And they are not worth ruining the marriages over, so time is on our side.

That said, the real question is how smart we and they are and how long we will remain upset about these things.

Since this is a "husband/wife" issue, I have a question: what plans did YOU make for your anniversary? (You did suggest that the two of you spend some time together. Did you leave it at that? Or did you also try to arrange child care or check out some venues where the two of you could go?)

I suggest that if you want your husband to plan ahead, make plans and surprise you with them, you need to quite specifically tell him that. You started to do this two weeks earlier but weren't definite enough. (In fact, according to you, most of what you said then were things you didn't want.)

In my experience, many men have to have it spelled out (written down, even). Saying something rather vague and general just isn't going to cut it.

Tell your husband you're sorry you didn't make yourself clear. Then start this conversation over. This time, be very specific. If you want him to handle all the details, say so. Frankly, however, since a wedding anniversary is for both bride and groom it would be more equitable to plan it together.

I'm sorry about your anniversary, it sounds like it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to be. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in NC and have a FREE e-course on repairing relationships. It has a lot of helpful tips about communication and how to express your feelings without your partner getting defensive. Check out my website for the e-course at www.familytherapync.com. Good luck!

I think I would go home and make her a hot bubble bath with candles and some white lavendar essential oil foot rub. I would cook her a four course meal, with a dozen flowers on the table and her favorite sweet, soft music playing in the background. I would give her a 1000 dollars to go on a shopping spree the next day, see if the oil in her car needed changing, or if she needed me to iron her clothes for the next day. I would apologize for getting into her private business and causing such a seen. Come on sister, REALLY?

Your husband is a kind, thoughtful man, and you ruined the trip he had planned for you. You were selfish to not want to include the kids if necessary....all of you are a family. Families celebrate happy occasion, of which your anniversary is one. You blew it. The two of you could still have had quality time, even with the kids. My husband died 3 weeks after our 9th anniversary, and I would love to be able to spend the time with him, even with a pile of children in the background.

kids does change a relationship and one on one times rekindles a lot of new found feelings i would tell him my point of view. and at this time of night i would hope that he has try to do something special a mommy needs that every now and then we just want to feel appreciated.

You know what... oh no nasty comments. Sorry.