relationship question after death?

Tell Sarah this is a two way street not a one way street with you both. Tell her you need a long engagement and if she can't do that then you need to move on. If she loves you too she will understand.

Just remember not every love is the same in life. Your love for your wife who died will never be just like this one. And vice versa. She (the past wife) has different qualities and this made you love her different. Give Sarah time to develop a way to fill the holes in your loneliness that have occurred in your life. Do not rush this.

Relationships do sometimes have to go in a particular direction forward or come to an end.

Now, you're still grieving for your first wife and that is natural. You've got to factor in that your anxiety levels are still affected by your grief. So I wouldn't worry too much about not being as in love with her as your first wife. Getting re-married is not moving on, saying your previous wife does not matter. Often people feel nervous about marrying or re-marrying because it is a big decision.

Regarding some folk saying have a long engagement, I wouldn't recommend that - especially if you're a Christian believer wanting to do things the right way (just a guess - can be the reason for quickly getting married). How long since your wife died? If it is less than a year, then I would say maybe you should hold off, because you don't want to make life changing decisions on the emotional rebound. If it's more than that, I don't think it's indecently quick to be remarrying. After all, life must continue and, although I never met her, I would imagine your first wife wouldn't want you to stay single forever.

Do you have a similar outlook on life? Educational level? Religious beliefs? Can you come to an agreement about things like having children, how to organize your money? Do you communicate well? I imagine there may be a problem with this last one, as you're talking to the Yahoo community, rather than to Sarah...

I guess the fundamental question is: can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this woman? Can you commit to spending your money, your time, your family with her? If the answer is yes, then go for it, despite your misgivings. If you can't realistically see that happening, then hold off.

Just a final point - it's okay to be scared.

Scared of being married.

Scared of being on your own.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Every blessing.

I hope it goes well.

Pastor Chris.

Folkestone Baptist Church.

England.

Bottom line is LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. While our minds and hearts like to play tricks on us our gut never lies. Doing something outside your comfort zone (for any reason and at any time) is simply not a good idea. Besides say you marry this gal only to end up unhappy or divorced later (because you were unsure). She will certainly NOT appreciate that you were not 100% honest w/her. Please do what's best for you...and in turn, you will be doing whats best for all concerned. And remember that you don't have to do anything right away... walk slowly friend, walk slowly and with great focus and modivation.

Its your life.. not anyone elses. If things are going too fast then slow it down. Who said you had to get married right away? I would say. tell her you want to go slow and if she cannot handle that. then let her go on. she must have not loved you much if she is not willing to wait this out.

Getting married to please someone else is silly, you must be honest and upfront with your gf and tell her one day you will marry her but at the moment thngs are moving too fast and that you want to do it properly.

Have a very long engagement. If she isn't willing to wait, then she is not the one for you.