domestic violence what to do?

You and your children have to get out, obviously. He will likely be livid, search for you and try to do harm, so brace yourself. Things will get worse before they get better. I know because I've been there.

It's very important for you to realize that his out of control anger is not your fault. It's not about you not being thin, pretty, kind enough or anything like that. No matter what you do, it will never be enough because this is a problem that the abuser has to work out on his own with professional help. In the meantime, the longer those kids are around him, the more they will pick up his habits and, as adults themselves, will resort to that learned behavior.

If you call the police, they will take him in but only keep him overnight. Then, he gets out and is angry at you all over again. You could get a restraining order, but it's just a piece of paper and police cannot act on it until he hurts you again. Besides, for it to be enforceable, the abuser will have to know where you live and work. Both are good ideas in theory because it provides law enforcement with documentation (which can be helpful to you), but they offer little practical help in the short run.

Contact a women's shelter in your area. Then make plans to leave, taking a few things out of the house--just enough so he won't notice. Don't plan on living nearby, keeping your current job, seeing the same friends, etc. You must completely start your life over.

You have to be absolutely certain that you are emotionally ready to leave. You can't get halfway into a plan to leave and then back out. Most abusers can charm their victims--apologize, beg, plead, cry, give gifts, or even propose--to pull on their heartstrings. The abuser knows just what to say and do to push the emotional button of his victim. It's all about controlling the situation. When the abuser is not in control, he can be unpredictable and violent.

Also, as you plan to leave, don't insist on taking things that you don't need. You will have to leave behind a lot of things that have sentimental value to you. You really don't need them. Don't take anything that isn't yours or that you didn't earn. This is not the time to be vindictive. Stay in the survival mode. Don't fuel the anger he'll have when he finds out that you managed to leave him, and don't give him anything to use to get others to see you in a negative light, to get others to sympathize with him, or to use against you in court.

I had my phone number changed countless times because my abuser kept stealing my phone bill out of my mail box to get my new phone number. I went through hand gun training, got a license to carry a concealed weapon, sold my house, and moved 1,600 miles away. I was still harassed by phone long distance, despite the fact that I took every precaution. I got a P.O. box so I didn't have to use my new home address on any bills or paperwork. I got a new job, altered my name, and even had to lie to my friends about where I would be living. Everything had to change.

In time (and thanks to the Internet), your abuser will still be able to find you but you have to move far enough away and make it as difficult as possible for him to make contact. My stalker even baffled the sheriffs and detectives of my new city of residence, but eventually enough time passed and I was far enough away from him to make it less worthwhile for him to keep seeking me out.

By the grace of God, things turned out well for me. I got very involved in a local church, where I found my Mr. Right. We've been happily married for years. It's such a relief to not live in fear anymore.

Sorry that he smashed your snow globes, no one has a right to take away our precious possessions.

Do you know how to get help. If you want to get out of this awful situation? There are woman's aid and refuges that can support you, keep you and your children safe if it comes to it! How long do you wait and what damage is happening to yourself and the kids in the mean time, do you wait and things get worse and every last piece of self esteem and confidence you have taken away. Staying for the kids is not always best, do they see their mother being hurt, that's not going to make them feel secure and safe, and your the grown up you've got to be strong and assertive for them.

Yeh if you leave things will be hard, but you will survive and help is out there to get you through.

Ok, when he goes to work pack up your kids and belongings and go stay at a hotel for a while and call the cops and explain the situation or while he's at work call the cops and say your worried and get them to watch what happens in your house or something. I think it's better to get out of this relationship while you still can! Because you never know he could begin to do this to your kids!!!!! And exposing them to this cant be good!!! Good luck and I hope you and your kids stay safe!!!! Xoxoxoxo

Please for god sake leave this monster.

My ex hit me, abused me and cheated on me for 5 years whilst i looked after our son and he did what he liked.

He put me in hospital twice.

Finally - i ran away with my son and one day found my husband. I now have three boys and have been married 8 months.

My ex doesnt want anything to do with his son.

Please PLEASE get up the strength to do this.

Spend a month or so planning where you are going to go, how you are going to do it, who is going to help you etc...

And then get out of your town or area.

You can do this.

You cant live like this forever!

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS.

Domestic violence victims are so strong,

We took kicks, hits, smashed up belongings, name callgin and control and we didnt retaliate.

We took punches and screaming but carried on being a good mum and wife.

Get up and change your life.

Please email me if you need ANY help x

Ask yourself this question. What do YOU think you should do? Stay there and be bullied and abused, your children subjected to violence, your personal property destroyed? Or do you think for the sake of your children you should get the hell out and seek professional help in the form of law enforcement and counseling?

You should confront your partner and tell him how you are feeling... If he truly loves you, then he will stop what he's doing. If he just continues though, you should leave him. Yes, you have two children, you might think it's impossible, but if he is causing you pain, then it's even more likely he will do the same to your children. So leave with your children if he continues...

He is an asshole.

Google a domestic violence right away, and get it dealt with. Be sure to report back what happens in the end

You should leave and please take your kids with you. This guy has no love for you for the fact he is doing this so do not kid yourself into thinking t his is just a temporary thing, that he is stressed and that he really loves me, and blah, blah that is not love. It will continue to escalate and it may be to the point you will never leave and the way you do is not the way you want to.

GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!! You don't need us on here to tell you what to do!! You owe it to your kids and yourself to stop being his personal punching bag. If your Mom or parents live within screaming distance, go there. Go to the police. Buy a gun (no, don't do that) but RUN, don't WALK, away from there and fast. He does this because you ALLOW him to. Be strong, It's better to live with one sane parent than 2 insane ones.

I was married at 16 and pregnant; he was 22 and knew better. He began beating me after I had our daughter. He would knock me to the floor in front of our baby in her walker and put his knees on my arms and pin me down and slap my face back and forth because his dinner was cold. There were no microwaves in the 60's. He held me up against the wall by my neck because I forgot to give him a coat to go to the cleaners. He threw me out of the duplex naked from the waist down because I yelled too loudly during sex. His sister lived next door and she came to the door of her house to tell me it was my fault. He threw silverware at me and other objects. He kicked me when I was holding the baby. He blacked my eyes and ears. We moved to New Mexico and the abuse escalated because now he had me away from my family. My Mom asked me if I was going to wait until he killed me. I took a bus back to California and my Mom's and never looked back. I divorced him within the year it took to do it. He waited 9 years, married again, and did the same exact thing to her.

Good Luck

so in a few years time you sit in your kids house while they beat up their partner??????

coz thats what your teaching them, hey its alright to beat your partner and look im still with him

GET OUT WITH YOUR KIDS.

your not living your walking around on egg shells waiting FOR HIM TO HIT YOU again, what if he starts on the kids/

you need to grow up and get out, theres places you and the kids can move into he cant get you, do it now