What can I do to help myself accept my dad's death?

Question

My father and I were very close.  We spent every day together.  He was everything to me, my husband, and my kids.  Not only was he my dad, but also my best friend.  We could talk about anything.  I felt no shame or embarrassment asking him for advice.  He was never judgmental or negative.  My dad was very special to me.  He took on the role of being both parents to me since my mother took off and left us when I was only 8.  He was diagnosed with liver disease a few years ago but seemed to be living well.  He got sick last March and ended up in the hospital.  It was an awful experience for me.  His mind went, he turned yellow, he went into a coma, and I held his hand while watching him take his last breath.  I don't think I'll ever be the same.  I cry every day.  I miss him so badly.  I feel like a part of me died too.  I'm 34 and didn't expect to deal with this so early in life.  I am very depressed, but try not to show my emotions.  I cry at night when nobody can see or hear me.  I've gained 20 pounds, and I feel horrible.  Will this ever get any better?

? · Accepted Answer

Yes, it will get better, but not instantly. Eventually you will learn to live without him at your side  to talk to and to help solve problems, to let you know you matter. Remember, you had 30 plus  years to be with him. That's not going to go away in a few months.  One day you'll remember the good and accept his absence. Yes, you've got  a great big dad-size hole to fill, everything reminds you of him, and his absence is still fresh and painful. So fill the hole with memories of him, take the kids to do some of the things you did with him and don't be afraid to cry in front of them  (they're missing him to, and you don't want them to feel it  is  wrong to mourn him.)  Consider going to a grief-support group. Try to lose the weight. You've already found that you can't fill his loss with food, but you can with memories. So remember him by doing the  things he loved with  your family, by trying to live with the values he taught you, and one day you'll find you can think about him without crying.

Drag00nic · Answer

Yeah its a sad case...but dont worry about it. Life gives us these challenges because we have to face them....its destiny. Do you really think your dad is gone? He's looking at you from heaven thinking "It's so great here! I cant believe how great this place is!"...but when he see's you sad...he gets sad as well. Do you know why your dad spent a lot of time with you? He wanted you to be a happy person....he wanted you to live the life that he couldnt live...thats why you have to be happy. If your dad saw you right now, do you think he would be happy that your crying? No he would want you to continue this life living happy until you get to meet him. If your dad was so peaceful and could handle death...im sure you can accept it. Its not like hes gone forever...you still have those memories...and NO ONE....NOT EVEN DEATH...can take those memories away from you. Instead you should focus on living life and spending time with your friends/family....but just make sure that when you wake up you look up at heaven and say "thanks dad...for everything you did...today might not be the best day...but as long as your still with me in my heart...I know I can get through everything and anything".

Jason · Answer

Yes. Slowly but surely. During your grieving, it's healthy to let out your emotions. Find a person's shoulder to cry your eyes out to. If  you have siblings, perhaps they can share the pain with you. Visit him, lay down besides him. Let him know you'll stop by for a visit every now and again to let him know you miss him. It may be weird but talking to the deceased has helped me become stronger. My grandmother has passed away few years ago and i still visit her. I rant on about the past, tell her how my life is going, and how I'm looking forward to seeing her on the other side to cook some korean food like the old days. Miss you grandma. You'll get through this.

? · Answer

Everybody dies. You just have to get over it. You think 34 is young to lose your father? I've never had a grandad because they died so long ago, when my mum was about 20. My friends dad just died, she's 15 and she's getting over it alright. I think you need to pull yourself together for your family's sakes. It's not like your alone.

Anonymous · Answer

you need to talk to your husband and friends. thats what their theire for. you are very tough for what you have gone through. gotta keep your head up. dont worry , you WILL get through this. it just takes time. you cant take a break. you got to still keep living through lifes events. your father wouldnt want you to be sad. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS. Sounds like a great father!!!

Funny Hw D Yrs, Dy Jus Pas Us By · Answer

oh..! sorry... i'm so sorry that this happened... look there's nothing i can do for you but all i can sy is this -
"people leave us sometimes, for no reason at all.. but you ought not to give up... everything that comes to this world, lives for a specific amount of time alloted to it... you gotta move on... he'll be in your heart forever... may he rest in peace"

Stephen C · Answer

Try talking to a therapist about your feelings, or a close friend. Try not to think about "him" so much. I'm sorry he passed! I hope you feel better! (:

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What can I do to help myself accept my dad's death?

7 Answers