how to deal with an innappropriate comment from a japanese co-worker?

What the female colleague did to you is definitely an unacceptable thing. She obviously lacks basic manners toward her colleague. Even if it happened between close colleagues, it should be very delicate & personal thing to be referred to. At least in Canada, where I currently live, people would take it seriously and even someone beside you say "that's very rude!!"

I'm not sure how old the colleague is, but she seems just immature, ignorant or insensitive. If I were you, I would try to tell her calmly how I felt uncomfortable, or bring it to 'personnel department' (preferably female staff)

But you should not mention 'cultural difference' thing this time.

(edit)

People having common sense would not touch your belly and say "you look pregnant"

While some people don't care much, the fact is that you felt uncomfortable and still now. (that's why you posted this) I won't say it is a 'harassment', but these feelings are to be judged only by the person who felt uncomfortable and worry about future. As a woman and as your co-worker, she should learn from this mistake.

I would just let it go.

And if she says anything to you in the future along these

same lines, just point out to her how rude it is to touch

strangers, or if she says something rude (but no touching)

that what she says is uncalled for. Or you might want to

be just as rude back, and cup her breast and ask if they

are real or if her bra is stuffed. Mind you, that will probably

will get you fired, lol. I am thinking the man you mentioned

probably said something to her, and you won't have this

problem again.

In the future, what you can say, and this applies to every

situation. Just reply, "Why do you ask" That puts to

onus on them to justify themselves, and that really embarasses

most everybody. And when they do come up with an answer,

then you just say "Oh, so that's why you were asking"

Hey, the woman who touched your stomach was terrible. She was being mean on purpose. There is no way a stranger would do it in any country. The touch is that informal. Even if she only said it in words, that would've been mean too.

I think you definitely should not leave your job because of that, although I don't know how uncomfortable can it get in the future. You should find a way to confront her and show her that you're not to be messed with. Do something mean to her,lol. I know what it sounds like but that's the way I would do.

It is quite weird because I had a situation that felt exactly the same as yours. When I was studying English in England there were about 4 Japanese girls in my class. 2 were nice, 1 was OK and the 4th one didn't have a good feel about her. I joined the class a bit later (after 2 months or so) so she was OK in the beginning, I had a chat with her about Japan and that I wanted to learn Japanese and stuff and she looked normal and polite. Then she asked me to go to have a drink and I refused as I don't drink. The next day I saw her she was making loud and rude remarks during my conversation with the teacher. I was really shocked (when you're shocked you can't even say anything) and the first thought that came to my mind was "wait, is she bullying me or something"? No one ever bullied me before and it was even more shocking because she was abroad (not in Japan). I wasn't a gaijin. We were in the same shoes. I was thinking that if one girl out of 4 (the only Japanese girls I've ever met in real life) was like this, then what are people like in Japan in general? I think it's a matter worth attention.

The women is rude no question about it and how you feel about it is quite understandable.

But you are here in Japan where harmony among society and work places is valued very high.

From my own point of view, foreigners are way more assertive in judging things in black and white and act accordingly, while Japanese are much more prudent in voicing his or her opinion and we Japanese have much wider grey zone before we voice our opinion particularly about delicate personal matters.

My advice for you is wait and see how the women's personality would be eventually judged by her colleagues trusting their common sense.

Japanese people are strange. They think saying "are you metabo?" is different to saying "you are fat".

With me lot of people seem quite happy to point out I've put on 'soft muscle'.

If they say it in english I know it's their way of dealing with the language gap.

Either way; think of the (perceived) insult like a leaf on a stream - watch it float away.

It cannot be a joke. That female is really nasty. Obviously she is not from a good family and she lacks education.

She has done or said similar things to other people and will do so in the future. You should save future victims by telling your general line manager exactly how that particular female hurt you. It is your duty to your company and the society as a whole to do so.

is this lady an older woman? if so, she is just OBATARIAN( this is an old expression to call this kind of people) i don't think she did it to hurt your feeling. it's just her way to break a tension to be friend with you. its just she did it in a wrong manner. I've know many ladies like this, to me she was just trying to be friendly and to make you smile. i know in your culture this is not acceptable, but this kind of jokes happen a lot in Japan between ladies like them. it's just different culture and humor.

I don't recomend for you to go to your manager. maybe it might be a good idea to tell her directly next time this happens, but casually with friendly manner. not to be harsh about it, because then you might have problems afterwards. (she might start talking about you behind your back etc.)

if you dont want to confront her then it might be ok to tell her friends how you feel, and ask them to tell her, but don't be talking bad about her with them, just tell them how you feel and you want her to stop.

good luck!

Well personaly I would just try to forget about the whole thing but if u feel u have to try to talk to the lady and just tell her nicely not to do that again. Sayo nara ko un

It sounds like an Osaka no obachan joke to me. Is the woman from Osaka? If so, I guess she is just an over-friendly obachan in Osaka. you shouldn't care about it.

So the lady in question said something offensive to you. Maybe even tried to be deliberately hurtful. Japanese people sometimes have a habit of turning their "tatemae" off around foreign people.

Guess where else Japanese people turn the tatemae off---around the elderly or young children. The gaikokujin is placed in this category of "harmless people." So its not surprising that a counselor for old people is the one making off color jokes.

And they are very keen to laugh at "harmless people." I think its because of mansai, Japanese comedy, where one person is the "baka" and the other is the "tsukkomi." Old people, little kids, foreigners, animals-----we are the "baka" role unwillingly, even, and the Japanese is the tsukkomi, whose job it is to point out how silly the baka person is with teasing or cutting remarks.

Basically, remember that the comment says waay more about her: her fears and insecurities. If it gets to you, she will do it again. You know this type of person. So turn it around on her, ignore her....just rise above it.