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What can I do to encourage my husband to go to family gatherings and activities with me?
Joe is my second husband. I had two sons with the first husband who are now adults (ages 25 and 22) I also have 4 grandchildren ages 6,4,2 and 1. Joe and I dated for 5 years before we were married. While we were dating he was hesitant to go to any family activities with me. Since we've been married (almost 3 years) he has gone to a few activities, like Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. Not too long ago, we attended my grandaughter's school program. However, many times, he decides not to go. I try to be understanding, but I feel like today, he has let me down again.
My gandaughter's 6th birthday party is this evening and he has just called on the way home from work to tell me he won't be going because 1. the house where the party is at is too small, and there will be too many people there. and 2. He does not like bar-b-que.
Her party was originally going to be at the park, but the weather is bad, so it was moved inside. He knew two days ago they were planning to cook out on the grill and did not say a word. I say, he needs to be a little more flexible and spontaneous, and when we are invited to eat at someone's home, we eat what is provided without complaint or just don't eat there at all.
My family thinks that he does not like them because he skips out on a lot of things. He has no family of his own. No children and his mother passed away 2 years ago. When we started dating, I told him that I would share mine with him. It hurts that he never wants to at least go to the birthday parties with me. Any suggestions to help me not feel quite so dissappointed and angry at him for not even making an effort? Or do I just need to back off and continue to do family things without him?
4 Answers
- OuragonLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
If you are otherwise happy with your husband i think you should let it go. I remarried 4 years ago, and my husband is an introvert. We are a family of extroverts, and can be a bit much. He often would prefer to stay at home during get togethers. Your family is being silly to judge your husband, imo. It's a small thing, and i choose not to be disturbed over it. At 50, i don't expect to remake him.
- 1 decade ago
Tough one- sounds like your husband might have some anti-social behaviors. Does he do better in smaller groups? I think you need to stress to him how important these events are to you. And maybe limit the number of things you expect him at- maybe you are asking too much and he just feels overwhelmed? It is hard for people who are submerged in family to relate to those who have never really had that kind of involvement. He certainly sounds like the latter. I guess you should lay it on the line and tell him you REALLY want him there.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
He does not want to go because he feels like an outsider.
More than likely, YOU are the reason he feels this way, because YOU TREAT him like an outsider.
It's always YOUR BLOOD FIRST. He is always last. Always.
AW, you're hurt that he doesn't want to go. Well I"m telling you as a second wife that he doesn't not want to go because you are so self centered that you ignore and neglect him, until of course, it's convenient for YOU to have him around.
Source(s): Second wife of a divorced man. - Anonymous1 decade ago
Joe is who he is. Maybe he feels like an outsider at these events. Maybe he's unaccustomed to family gatherings. There's no point being angry and disappointed. People are entitled to be who they are and we can either accept them or not accept them. You married him so just cool it.
