My boyfriend and I are not friends on facebook... is it weird?

Question

So him and I have been together about 3yrs. We were friends on myspace but not facebook. I only had facebook for a little over 2 years. I no longer have myspace and he does not either. We both canceled our page and that's when I started FB since that's where all my friends were. After we both canceled our pages I asked him do you have any accts other than myspace he said yes FB. However he rarely goes on it according to him.When I created the page I didn't think to search or ask him to add me. I didn't really go on it too much so it didn't bother me. However it's starting to bother me now since we've been together 3yrs and we're still not friends. I know it's just FB but I feel like he may be hiding something. Now here's a background of our relationship... I love him and he loves me. We tend to argue a lot about the littlest things. he tells me that I have a temper, stubborn at times and I say the meanest things to him when I am upset. He's in the army and our only contact is few calls and emails. I had asked again about his FB acct and he told me he rarely goes on it and if he does only few friends/relatives are on it. He stated that he did not want me on there because of our arguments. He thinks that I will go write on his wall crazy stuff when we argue. I know that when he's deployed they do not have access to these kind of sites according to him and to my other military friends/fam. Also I seen his FB before and there was nothing really on there. He barely posts and mostly his friends are on his walls (females mostly) but their conversation are casual. And apparently most of them are lesbians or married when I check their page. This is the main reason why I haven't really brought it up again. Him being far from me is taking a toll on me! I have been really insecure since he's been gone, I always think negative. Now I want to add that I do keep myself busy w/work, school and being out w/friends to get my mind off him however at times this FB gets to me especially now it's private. He changed it to private after I asked him about one girl leaving a flirtatious comment then I became upset. Should I demand him to add me, should I be worried that he's hiding something or should I just let it go? ADVICE please (serious one too and pls no sarcastic advices/remarks) thanks! ps... our arguments are usually about our future, is he serious about us being together and me waiting for him then us getting married when he returns. thanks in advance for any advices and taking your time reading this, I know it's long sorry!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He's testing you. Do not DEMAND ANYTHING! it will only confirm his worries that you're hot-tempered and predictable. You need to try your hardest to respect his choice of not having you as a friend on facebook. You're taking this a lot more seriously than he is. It's a petty subject. Remember yous said you guys fight over the smallest things? This is one of those small things. Try, try, TRY to let this one go, because I can tell by your comments and feelings towards it that an arguement is about to break out. And YOU will be the perpetrator. If you love him and want to keep him, prove him wrong by NOT starting an argument or making this a big deal. Yes it's odd that he's not your friend on fbook, so I validate you there. But after hearing the background on your relationship, he has reasons/fears for not wanting you on his friends list. Just try to pull through. Let this one slid.

ledtothosewhohelpusgrow · Answer

Oh wow, I am going through the EXACT same thing. Understandably, this comment is just in regards to anyone else reading this post questioning the same thing.

I've been dating the same guy on and off for 3 years now. We argue a lot and gone through hell and back. He removed me from FB when we broke up the first time, blocked me, and we haven't been FB friends since. I get upset and kind of insecure about what he might be doing on there, since he is private about almost everything. That is probably because I question everything he does and make an argument about it. But he was talking/cheating with other girls (even if they never did anything). To top it off, long distance relationship.

Anyways, it doesn't help the situation by bringing it up because at the end of the day, you can't force them to be your friend or view their posts. Sometimes it makes for one nasty fight or could result in being broken up with. If you have reasons to trust him, then you shouldn't care about FB. If you don't, then you might just need to be careful but try not to worry about it. Just like they said, it really is a testing thing and a way to defuse any drama especially if anything and everything he does you go back and say, "What was that?!"

Believe me, if a dude wants to cheat, he will find other mediums of contacting women other than just FB.

Too bad I couldn't hear the end result to what happened because I am sure it would be useful to me now!

Anonymous · Answer

I know how you feel and to some people it may seem like the stupidest thing to be worried about but little things like that can tell a lot about someone. But it can go either way, he's either not into you going through his FB business (maybe he's hiding something or maybe not) or he really just doesn't even care about it that much and doesn't give much thought to it or adding you. But I'd be a little weirded out if my boyfriend of three years was sketch about his facebook... you should talk to him about it. But approach him the right way, don't give him any reason to call you psycho. Ask him what is really the big deal, be like... "its just weird to me that's all."

Michelle ツ · Answer

Yeah, it's kinda weird that you and your boyfriend are not friends on facebook. I dont think there should be anything to hide since you both are dating and i dont understand why he's not letting you add him.And its kinda suspicious because when you told him that you saw a girl leaving a flirtatious comment on his wall, then he changed his account to private.So, somethings up!Because if there's nothing wrong, he wouldn't make his account private!Anyways, how long is he going to be far from you in the army?Because maintaining long distance relationships is  kinda tough especially if you are in contact through few phone calls and e-mails....Besides the arguments, does he seem loyal to you...?Think over all this...and then decide....because you and him have been together for over 3years and thats a good thing....or why not talk to him about it?

please answer mine:
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angel s · Answer

FB is always messing up a r*ship it is weird that he will not let you on but if that is what he wants then your not getting on it sweetie maybe he does think you will get mad and start writing things on his wall.

? · Answer

yes u should be friends, and you should be in a relationship on it. this is the biggest site for people, and he can cheat on you so easily because it says nothing about being in a relationship and you wouldnt kn0w

? · Answer

i mean it doesn't sound like a very good relationship no offense... i'm not saying break up, i just think hte facebook issue is one of many that you should probably be addressing. but it's not wrong for you to want to be friends with your boyfriend on facebook, it's actually weird that you guys aren't. 
sorry, i wish i could help more but i'm super tired. good luck!

Apples · Answer

Just add him if you want him to be your friend. I don't see why you're over-thinking this when you haven't even made the effort yourself to be friends.

$boy · Answer

keep facebook out of ur relationship and keep ur relationship out of facebook. i mean... this is nonsense!! who ever told u guys that facebook is what makes a relationship authentic? while the founders of facebook are making millions of dollars and enjoying it, idiots like u are over here stressing over it. please stop worshiping facebook and abiding by the rules of society but rather enjoy ur relationship

Ashlyn Turner · Answer

He's using facebook to cheat on you, sorry but its obvious, don't let yourself be used and end it now...

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My boyfriend and I are not friends on facebook... is it weird?

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