how can i tell him its happening again?

Question

he's the first person i can tell everything to, i trust him without question
but i can't help but feel he really doesnt deserve this type of stress and that he would be better off without this relationship, it'd break my heart if he left i didnt think i could feel this close to anouther person, i've never trusted anyone this much in my life, i've always kept everything close, shields up, even my best friends only knew about the superficial stuff and the real problems were mine alone to bear...

He's stood by me through a lot, when we were friends and when we became a couple...
hell before we were a couple he was my gotoguy i called him up at 12 at night crying and terrified because my dad had freaked and lashed out at me... i had a black eye with cuts along my nose, forhead and under my eye, blood dripping down my face (i still have the scars from where i was cut) and bruises on my back and stomach.... i'd run away and was just sat in the park when he found me, as soon as i saw him i burst out crying
---> his dad was the same as mine is in many ways, but after his mum died he moved out into a council run scheem which is basically student dorms - he barely ever sees his dad
he told me i was staying with him, and i did, took him god knows how long to calm me down enough so i could tell him what happened... he gave me my options, but i wasnt ready to give up on my dad, i'm still not ready to give up on my dad, there has to be some way to make him proud to make him love me like he does my brothers...
a lot of other things have happened, i've been admitted to hospital twice - but that was unrelated to my dads actions... and i've been withdrawn from my exams because i missed 12 weeks of college time in hospital or A&E and may not be able to go to uni this year as a result.
he's been with me through all of this

but after a few good months of no violence things with my dad are getting steadily worse... i've got bruises on my stomach and legs from where i've been punched and scratch marks down my arm its getting difficult to hide it from him and i dont know how i can tell him its happening again, he saw the marks on my arm and i told him that i must have got it from play fighting with one of the dogs.... he's in the middle of his exams, this is his crucial year - he needs to pass with high grades and he needs to pass this year - after his mum died he flunked his origional A2 exams so re-sat them this year, and a 4th year wouldnt look good to unis
i don't want to hide this from him i need to talk to him but i don't know how to fix this :( at the minuet i'm not staying at home i would go to court but that made things so much worse, i would move out permanently but i don't want to loose my family i love them so much and its my own doing anyway i should know better than to provoke my dad by mentioning uni and by being such a failure and disappointment on a constant basis

Emy713 · Accepted Answer

report your dad to the authorities if you can. there is no reason to get hit by your dad like that; you are not a complete failure because all the horrible things that happened to you are probably his fault anyways. also, i'm sorry to say this but, i know you still love your dad, but chances are that he doesn't love you back because no parent would hit their child like that and favor the other siblings. as for your boyfriend, you guys are a couple and you shouldn't be afraid to tell each other anything, however since he has his exams to deal with, i strongly suggest to wait until the exams are over and then tell him. he will be there for you no matter what happens so don't worry i'm sure he loves you a lot and will understand you! life is hard sometimes but your just have to keep fighting for it!! good luck and i hope the best of things for you and your boyfriend!!

Malcolm · Answer

I'm really very sorry about your situation but here's my thoughts. . . 

You need to get away from your dad.  Its a bad situation that wont get better with time.  I'd strongly recommend reporting him to authorities especially if you ahve siblings that might be in harms way.  If you are unwilling or unable to report him to authorities then you need to find a way to leave.   

Sounds like your boy friend is a real keeper.  Move in with him (if you can) and show support for him as I'm sure he will support you.   Help him through with his exams and he'll help you through this difficult time.   Be there for each other.

all the best.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm really sorry but your dad doesn't seem like the type of guy you should hang around. I don't think it's you that he wants to hurt, it's probably something in the past, something he has against women in general, but whatever his problem is, it shouldn't be about you. I understand you love your dad, but you need to get away from him. No one deserves to be beaten by anyone, whether it be someone you love or a random stranger. I think you should tell your boyfriend, he has a right to know and protect you. I understand you're worried about his grades, but right now you're important. He can always retake classes, he can't replace you.

hope this helps. good luck.

Lady Lestrange · Answer

oh dear, that's a serious case of physical abuse you have in there. i know that you don't want to get him in prison because he's your father but you have to stand up for yourself sometimes especially when violence is involved. and you also seem to have been emotionally traumatized by your father. i agree that telling your bf about this will stress him out and distract him from his studies. you could wait till his exams are over before you tell him that. for the mean time, move out of your house, stay in a dorm or in your bestfriend's place. and moving out permanently doesn't mean that you'll loose your family. even if you are not living with them anymore, they will still be your family. you have to protect yourself. you have to be strong for  yourself. you could write everything that's happening and your feelings in a paper (it may help you feel better). and then you could give it to your bf when you think the time is right.

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how can i tell him its happening again?

4 Answers