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Is this ok-ish? Poem about suicide.?
This is about a friend of mine who recently attempted suicide (she didn't die thank goodness) and I wrote it in about two seconds so it's still pretty rough and awkward sounding... 10 points for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism!
BLAME:
Blood pools around an empty shell
Your body lying crumpled on the ground
Living without you is gonna be hell
It’s not your fault
I read the note that you left
I cling your journal to my thumping chest
Your mom looks at me and I know what she thinks
Why didn’t I know?
It’s not your fault
You were my best friend
The only one who knew the real me
No one knew where you would start and I would end
It’s not your fault
I blame myself.
@dendr...(sorry I can't remember the rest) I wrote as if she had because this was the scenario I pictured in my head after she told me what happened.
4 Answers
- IanLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
Good poem based on that specific event. The exact situation is clearly illustrated in that words and i liked it.
All the best and keep it up.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I don't like the title. Not because I'm worried about your feelings. It just doesn't work. Until the end when you force it in.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It could use some work:) but its reallyy good:]
