How do I keep the neighborhood punks out of the tool shed in my backyard?

I had that same sort of problem until I learn to call a spade and spade and kept those punks from messing around with my hoes. I started listening to what I was shoveling. I really raked them over the coals and made them bolt and run after tightening the screws on them.

Shutup. No religion prohibits locks of any kind. I think an electric fence would do the trick. Don't put warning signs up, just turn the power supply of if authorities come to check.

spread rumors around the neighborhood that your gay uncle

who just got out of prison is living in the shed and would love to

have some manly visitors for love...

you may have to "let a strange dude be seen" by the shed a few times

for it to stick though...

Put some hot cookies and milk inside. Then once they're inside, slide a ton of marbles under the door.

Put a dead badger in your tool shed and a sign next to it saying "This could be you"

Do they frown upon violence? Torture? Make an example of one of them.

Buy a dungeon dragon and tie it to the doorknob

You could always Play Justin Beaver Music real loud and that should keep them away from your house! I know it would keep me away thats for sure !!!

Sniper+Silencer = problem solved

Electric fence maybe:)