For those who made it through a tough time in marriage, how? Or if not, why?

My husband and I had a somewhat turbulent relationship from the beginning. We met, fell in love, fell pregnant, and he moved in to my house when I was 7 months pregnant.

No one could have prepared us (or our relationship) for a baby, sleepless nights, postnatal depression or rebellion (on my husbands side, he rebelled against being "family man". He didn't like the curfew, the responsibility etc)

We both got thrown into the deep end, and had endless arguments ending in tears and threats to break up.

I'm not entirely sure why we stayed together. There are 2 times only that I have ever packed my bags and left. Both times i came back that day.

Our constant arguing resulted in a communication breakdown, which led to more arguing.

Once we learned how to communicate, suddenly there weren't so many arguments. Most of our issues happened before we got married. Perhaps that was the key for us.

I used to be the same as you also. When we'd have our "good" months, i wasn't so sure it'd last either. But because i was skeptical, my criticisms would show through, and they in turn would trigger a re-lapse.

You daughter is definitely common ground. If you can both agree on how to raise her, then you have a stepping stone. If you have been questioning everything, question if you really love him still. If the reasons you married him are still viable. If you and he are the same people you were 9 years ago. If your answer is "Yes, I still love him", then there is another stepping stone.

Another thing I did for myself, was if i could recognise who started the argument, i'd ask "why?" If i knew I was the reason for it, I'd ask myself "Why did I do that? Why did I say that? Why is it a big deal?" Generally my answers would be trivial enough for me to calm down, and after a few months, I was able to set my pride aside and apologise to him.

If, on the other hand, it was my husband that started the argument, i'd run through everything he had told me about his day over the past few weeks. Sometimes it would end up being the result of something he hadn't spoken to me about yet, but sometimes i could put 2 and 2 together, and see that he'd come up with 7.5. I'd try his "buttons" to diffuse him. If it worked, i'd leave him alone. If not, i'd let him rant at me until he ran out of steam. The latter probably isn't the best idea, because my husband can say some pretty harsh things (that it's not in my nature to ignore) but if I can do it, then I will. It beats the alternative, and arguing all night followed by someone getting kicked out.

Every situation is different. You have started councilling. The fact that he goes to is a good thing. I guess that you never really know where he's coming from, so no matter how many techniques you use, if he's not willing to budge, sometimes they won't work.

Good luck. I hope you work it out. :-)

It has been 5 years for me and my husband and honestly I can't say we had any really bad times yet and hopefully never will but of course we have been through normal trials and tribulations every marriage have like arguments or disagreements but they last for that moment and we usually make up within the hour or so. Basically what keeps us happy and our marriage out of trouble is communication. We are each others best friend, we basically do everything together. We talk about our feelings, we always say something even if we know it will hurt the other person, that way we can fix the problem. Not sure exactly what your core problem is in your marriage but whatever it is you both have to be willing to try and fix it, which going to counseling together is a good step but also I believe in handling problems among yourselves other than bringing a stranger in but wish I knew more details to elaborate more. I really wish you both the best. If you want it to work you need to be more positive, you not trusting it will last is not a good attitude to have, negativity is certainly not going to help.

You dont really say what the problem is so my answer might not be accurate from my perspective so I will try to give you a well rounded answer..... so you say hes on his best behavior... from what? is he abusive? If so thats a deal breaker for me.... one hit and I am gone because it NEVER stops there..... or does have other problems such as alcohol or drugs? I have been married 14 years and we have had some rough times but I will tell you what got us through it..... being independent in the rlationship so that when one of us was struggling the other had the strength to pull the other ahead. Too many couples get co-dependent on one another and when things get tough both are struggling........being independent is not living separate lives its doing what each likes to do away from the other person in order to have things to share in conversation and instill sense of independence. You have probably been living for your spourse and/or marriage... well stop that and do some things for yourself..... and same goes for him...... counseling is good but you have to trust your counselor and a good counselor doesnt tell you what you should be doing, he/she gets you to think about what you should be doing and helps you to come up with solutions. One of the biggest issues in relationships lack of allowing the other person to be who they are... we tend to force our own ideas, values and opinions on our spouse and expect them to convert... well thats wrong and it only destroys the human soul of the person you are trying to convert. Live and let live... there really is something to that..... anyway, good luck.

Ill answer your question without giving a summary..

Always communicate effectively

and when times get tough, when you feel like giving up,when it seems like it wont get better.

Just remember why you got married in the first place.

Reflect on all the pleasant memories and let it coincide with your present and future.

Good Luck Sweetie..you hang in there..All married couples have problems but if you love each other you can overcome any obstacle and you will be that much stronger "together"

Now if hes cheating on you constantly then I dont know what to tell you.

Good Luck Dolly

That would be losing my father to cancer. The worst part was knowing it was going to happen and not being able to do anything to stop it. I always thought that I couldn't live without him but now I know I can because I must. I went through a lot of emotions (including hating God) and came out stronger.