My girlfriend and another guy?

Question

So, me and my girlfriend have been together for about 8 months, and are both 18 years old.

We have a very strong relationship, talk everyday, both each other's first boy/girlfriend, and we love each other completely.

So, my dilemma is:

She has received texts from a guy who I've never met, and she's never mentioned him EVER, in any conversations. She never brought up his name at all. I could see him texting her because I usually hold her phone in my pocket because her pockets are too small and she hates taking her purse. I felt her phone vibrate in my pocket once when we were together and I took it out for her to check, and I noticed it was this guy again.

I brushed it off as nothing more than just a friend, as I didn't want to come off as too suspicious and controlling. However, this continued on and on and I just got more irritated, as she STILL didn't mention anything about him.

About last week, they were texting apparently and he called her out of nowhere, and she quickly grabbed the phone and put it on Silent. Since then, I've been very worried and suspicious so I decided to ask her about it. I asked her who he is, and why she's never mentioned him before.

She said, "He's just a friend who I lost touch with and I never found a reason to talk about him. I didn't think it was a big deal for me to be texting him since I know he's only a friend".

I trust her and believe that he's just a friend, but I just don't understand why she decided it was perfectly normal to not mention him at all.

So anyways, she tells me today (after I've asked her about who he is and everything) and she says' "Oh, well, me and Alan are going to lunch on Wednesday". I was like "Okay, sure". I thought it was odd how she never told me anything about him but all of a sudden, she makes plans to see him.

I imagine if I never asked her about him, what would she have told me she was doing when she goes to see him?

MY QUESTION IS: SHOULD I BE ALARMED AT THE SITUATION? SHOULD I BE WORRIED?


I'm sorry if it's long, but I just thought you'd be able to understand it more clearly.

Canlee Hoshioeu · Answer

I don't want to suggest anything bad, but the only thing that will work is complete and utter honesty between the both of you guys.

On the other hand though, I don't want to get you thinking but I'll say this anyways. So you say that both of you guys talk regularly and she had yet to bring up the guy in your conversations and such. And she believes that he wasn't important enough to bring up in the first place.

And now she suddenly goes out to lunch with him? Maybe it could be a friendly date between long lost friends. Maybe not. hmm,

I understand you not trying to be possessive or anything and controlling. Me as a girl would hate that too. I would lay off a bit, until things start to become suspicious.

But hey, that's just me. :>

Ell · Answer

hmmm this is kind of tricky..
I know with my boyfriend I've been very opened with him who i have been texting. I text old flames, and I have told him that they are old flames. But I also told him why he shouldn't be intimidated by them... He doesn't seem to mind so much.. I'm sure he is a little jealous, but I think he appreciates my honesty more than anything.

So, for her to not say anything about this guy makes me kind of suspicious too. I mean, it's only natural right?
Why don't you just express interest in Alan.. ask how they met etc. Just treat him like he is just a friend, and you're just curious to know her friends better.

If she is still vague and what not, just bring up how you feel..
communcation is key. Especially to avoid hurt feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

Take it from me she's going to cheat, I was in this same situation. I was the girl talking to an old friend who id made plans with to catch up with, and my bf let me and I cheated. Do let her go to that lunch. N if she fights u on it, then she already knows what she wants she just doesn't wanna tell u.

? · Answer

well that stinks... then maybe she isn't worth ur love

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