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mom0f2
mom0f2 asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 10 years ago

How can you successfully live with your spouse during and after divorce?

I have been married for almost 6 years , we have 2 children together and we have decided to get a divorce. We are not right for each other because I am very affectionate and he doesn't like to kiss or hug. He is a good guy. We can't afford to live separately because he is the only income and I am a student. Our youngest is not school age yet and we want to wait until he is to go our separate ways. The main reason is we don't want to put him in childcare . He won't be able to go to school until next year so we will be living together for at least a year. Has anyone had any experience with this sort of situation?

Update:

Actually no it was not. He tried very hard to court me. This was my one complaint from our marriage is that I felt like he showed me a different face before we were married and then wasn't able to give me the affection that a spouse needs. How can you judge me and say that I have made bad decisions. I got married to someone I loved and we had 2 children together. We are trying to be responsible and make sure that our children don't suffer since we grew apart. I don't hate him. He is a nice guy just not the guy for me.

Update 2:

I would be willing to try but he has already shut down and thinks we would be better off apart. I agree with him. I think he feels like I am asking for more than he can give and I feel like I am only asking for what I need. I am not willing to settle for less love. He is a good guy but I he is not in love with me anymore.

Update 3:

Seriously? I am sorry but it is a deal breaker for me. I am not asking for a fancy car or diamonds . I need to be shown that I am loved. I show love with kisses and hugs and that is what I need .

Update 4:

@vj- How long did you live together for? Do you think it was better for the kids?

Update 5:

I don't really have a choice. Well unless I drop out of college and get a job. I am so worried. Any advise you could give on what to avoid would be helpful.

Update 6:

Also how did the kids handle it when you got your own place? My 5 year old had a breakdown when we tried this last time. I can't hurt him again. I would rather stay married then see him cry again. But staying married is not an option either. He doesn't love me.

Update 7:

I have to get some sleep but if send me an email if you wouldn't mind chatting. I could really use some advise from someone who has been there. My yahoo mail is always full of junk so please put ADVISE in the subject so I can find it in the junk. Thanks .

6 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    "We are not right for each other because I am very affectionate and he doesn't like to kiss or hug."

    Sounds like something that would have been apparent before you married him. Given that fact, you don't have a track record of making great decisions. Why not listen to those who do have a few clues, and stop thinking that this can be done successfully?

    People only 'grow apart' if they were facing different directions to start with. Try marrying someone who is facing the same direction. Those lines will run parallel. I still believe that you made bad decisions. Otherwise, you would be 'happily ever after', just like you imagined on the wedding day.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Depends on the state you are in, whether you had a prenup in place, and how the divorce decree is set up. If you're in a 50/50 state, technically 50% of everything either of you currently own is yours and 50% is his. This is why you see a lot of couples shifting money and assets to trusted relatives/friends right before a divorce. How you get to that 50% (or other number if you live in other states) is for you, the attorneys, if any, and the judge to decide.

  • ?
    10 years ago

    i did it and it was the hardest thing ever.. we were married for 5 yrs and also have kids and we stayed in same home because we owned a home and i could not afford to keep it on my own. the thing is that this is your husband and even if your split it is very difficult to try to live separate life's since you shared one for so long. but sometimes you have to put it all aside for kids. good luck

    Source(s): i agree with you.. i need the love and if you dont get it.. makes me wounder?? it is important in a marrige without it then you are just roommates. im not really sure where to find your email address..? no i dont think it helped.. we would actually fight more because we were not together so we would try to do our own thing but it made things complicated..its like we were trying to hurt eachother more.. your also still in same home so we were use to doing certin things "family duties" that didnt go well either.. it was a mess. when we finally got our own place things were better and it was soo much easier to get over him. when we did see eachother we were more civil and i felt much happier. im not saying that it cant be dont.. i just couldnt do it
  • ?
    10 years ago

    Love doesn't need physical affection. I'm just sayin'. I think the roots are deeper than that. Who gets a divorce over kissing/hugging?

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  • Spiritually Sweet
    10 years ago

    you can;t

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Please, please, PLEASE try counselling first. It sounds like you guys still care about each other. Try to make this work, please.

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