Do you think that being gay is ever a choice?

Question

Or do think being gay is always something a person was born to be?

I was repackaging some meat, which I just brought home from the grocery store, into freezer bags, when the movie, The Wrestler popped into my head. The main character was a washed up, ex star, professional wrestler, who worked in the deli department of a grocery store. I thought the movie was very good, very moving, emotional, sad and captivating. It is one of those movies that stays with you.  Anyway, I thought of how the wrestler lost everything in his life, do to growing older and doing drugs and partying. He sort of cursed himself to screw up at everything in his life, except for wrestling. In the movie, he attempts to rekindle his relationship with his young, 20 something daughter, whom he barely knows. During her lifetime  he was not a good  Father. He was focused on living the fast and wild life and traveling all the time as a big name Pro wrestler. His daughter is extremely wary of giving him a chance and letting him into her life, since he was never there for her in the past. His daughter is a lesbian and her lover is also very wary of him coming back into her life. The movie implies that the lover has heard all about the absent father and she dislikes him instantly. There are definitely a few man hater vibes going on in the daughters house, including her own vibes. By making the daughter character a lesbian, I felt that the film implied that the daughter was a lesbian, due in part, to her father's absence, his poor example as a man and her subsequent distrust and of men. This lead me to the question of how often this kind of thing happens in real life. Women who are completely turned off from men, do to abusive men or terrible male role models in their lives. But, then I thought, if that were true, how does that idea balance with the theory that gay people are born gay and not created by their environment? I know the set up for this question was long, but what are your thoughts?

MzCalypso · Accepted Answer

I think some bisexual women who have had abusive situations with men can be turned off of men.  But I have a het friend who had horrendous abuse from her father--and she still is looking for the right man.  (We've even talked about how much easier it would be if she WERE lesbian or bi.)   

Having distrust or aversion to men doesn't mean a woman would be attracted to other women.  I suppose a straight person could try for same-sex activity -- as men sometimes do in prison or other no-woman situations--but I don't think that, given the choice, they'd choose same-sex activity.
 
The American Psychological Association says orientation is innate. This is an educated opinion based on voluminous research.   The brain structure/function is different in gay and lesbian people--gay men's brains tend to function more like het womens, and lesbians more like het men's.  And that isn't likely to be environmental.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Being Gay is not bad. Being Gay is also not a lifestyle choice. It is simply like saying that it is wrong that a black person is black, or a white person is white! It is not a choice, it is bodily truth. Of course people can have feelings for both men and women, however it is not a handicap. It is life. They are humans inside and out like any other person. They are just attracted to the same sex. There is nothing mentally instable about them, or wrong about them. I study Psychology and this is something that always fascinated me because I know 2 teenagers that are lesbians (one who is actually transgeneder) and I know a gay married couple and a lesbian married couple. They are normal in every simple aspect. They go to the grocery store and buy the same food we would buy. They go to the same clothing stores we as heterosexuals go to. They walk their dogs and drive their cars and keep a nice clean house. They like raising children and setting them up for a good life: At the end of the day however, they are just attracted to a man (in a gay case) or a women (in a women's case). Same as me as a female thinks that Taylor Lautner is super sexy, howver I think that Nikki Reed and Ashley Greene are super hot also. I am not SEXUALLY attracked to them like I want to be with them and have a sexual relationship, however I find them attractive, beautiful. Gays and lesbians feel the same way, however they ALSO have the sexual attraction. That is all. NO HATING GAYS! As a psychology student I see the hate crimes and the hatred against these beautiful creatures, when they are no different than you or I. Black, white, brown, orange, pink. We are all the same, all human beings, just different ways of life. :D

Anonymous · Answer

It isn't a choice, you are born gay. No matter how you grow up, hopefully without the sexist gender roles or not. You still have a chance of turning out Gay, Straight or Bisexual. Another subject to add onto this would be that not all lesbians hate men, it's a fantasy like stereotype. Actually more straight woman have the tendency to hate men then lesbians.

Alice W. · Answer

I think that people who are truly gay are born that way, but maybe some people who are bisexual or gay (but maybe not completely if that makes sense) were influenced by things in life. But for the most part, I think you are born with it. People can try to be gay or straight, but if they really weren't born that way, then it will never be real. You can't change it.

B Man · Answer

in some instances, it does appear as if one's life experiences could contribute to their sexual orientation. however, its still not a choice. one does not simply choose their childhood experiences, they are just forced upon them. but in a lot of other cases, gay happens in very average environments and you cannot pin it on any particular set of experiences. 

Maybe it only appears that some gay people's life experiences contributed to their orientation due to humans pattern-recognizing brain, when in fact, being gay is essentially random.

IMHO, being gay is not a choice because no matter how hard i tried to get a ***** from another dude, it just wouldnt happen.

Ashlyn · Answer

Some people choose to go against their BORN SEXUALITY because they've had bad experiences. 
But seriously, it's no choice. Just like your sexuality just came to you naturally.

rain · Answer

I have had bad relationships w men...and I have been abused in a relationship w a woman...still a lesbian tho ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtpiSikemiA

SweetHomeAlabama · Answer

they both wanted to f*ck u? lol
must be joking...haha

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Do you think that being gay is ever a choice?

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