So I started up my husband's laptop to browse the web and guess what popped up?

Question

I was too lazy to go downstairs to get my own laptop and my husband's was lying right there beside our bed, so  picked it up to use it to check my email. He had left it in hibernation and the first thing that loaded was his email message to one of his ex girlfriends. Well, I couldn't believe it because we had a whole issue some years ago with this same woman trying to come back into his life, and he not acting too disinterested in such a proposal and we had agreed that on both sides communication to exes/ past love interests were to cease permanently.

Well she had written and said hello, and asked how he was doing. And he had responded and asked the same. She asked where he was now and then when he told her she hinted that she wanted to visit. He said he would be in the US some time as well and told her exactly which states and the months he would be there. She lives in the US, but we do not and she said well, make sure you keep me posted as to when you'll be in the US and where. The he asked her about her family. I know she has one or two children and I think my husband told me she was married, but she only replied about her sister and mom dying last year and said, 'It's just me now, Hun.' 

Strangely enough, as I finished reading the messages, my husband said very causally, 'Guess who wrote to me one or to days ago?' I pretended not to know anything and he told me it was her and that she said hello and he had told her not to write back.

So, I said really, that's strange because I just read all your messages back and forth and there was no mention of you telling her not to write, in fact, you seemed to be quite curious to know what was going on on both sides. He said he must have deleted the message, but from the flow of the messages, I do not think this is true.

I asked him why he told her where he was living now and why he had to lay out in such detail the parts of the US he planned to visit and the times he would be there, knowing that she was interested in seeing him again. He said he was trying to let her realize he was not going to be at home, so she wouldn't bother to visit. But then I told him, but why did you tell her where you were in the first place if you didn't want her to visit, and why did you tell me it was only one or two days when in fact it was 6 days of writing back and forth.

I'm trying to think logically, but this is not adding up to me, like most of my husband's stories. Last time he spoke to this woman he told her in an email not to reply to his normal email address but to create a specific profile on some other social networking site, add him there and communicate through that becasue his wife is crazy. 

I feel very angry about this, becasue feel like he is choosing his own fun and her own fun over my feelings and I am his wife. 

I just cannot understand why people go back to their exes and why she cannot find another other man to love or support her or whatever it is she is looking for. Why does she feel the need to seek out to a married man she broke up with years ago? Of course I have to mention, that my husband cheated on his ex-wife with this same woman, but she moved to the States and so their relationship ended, at least that's what he told me.

Once, a few years ago, when the first incident happened, I called her mobile phone and asked for her by name, she said she was not the person I was asking for and pretended to be someone else. I told her I know it's her and told her the reason I was calling, which was to tell her that she was getting involved with a married man with kids and it wasn't right. I asked her several questions and she lied about most if not everything and only much later in the conversation admitted what I was telling her was true. I asked my husband why he could not stop talking to her adn he said he thinks it's just harmless and he doesn't want to meet her.

I don't know what to think sometimes. My husband makes me feel like I am crazy and just exaggerating. I feel to just leave him because I feel somehow he is going to cheat on me, if he is not already doing so emotionally or otherwise. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

? · Accepted Answer

When you are married, there has to be transparency in everything. You have to be able to know you can see everything is doing, or have the ability to see everything. No secret email accounts. No secret emails to exes unless there are kids involved.

When you destroy trust, it's really hard to get that back. You will always wonder, and then you will get paranoid. You have all ready seen too much. I doubt you will ever really trust him, especially when he travels.

Lady of Truth · Answer

Sorry but I'd have to say pack your bags and go! I thought you were gonna say some "porn" popped up. That would be slightly normal. They sound like they are making plans for their own porn movie. His reasons make him look crazy, not you. 

I am still friends with a few of my ex's. They all UNDERSTAND that I have a man I love, that there will be no "booty calls" (drunk or other wise), and that we are just  a strict "friendship" status. No need to go to a social networking site to hide it from my man and vice versa.  If he wants to hide this ex from you so badly and meet her and let her know when/where he will be in the states, he's planning a "for ole times sake" hook up for real. Do what you have to do. Wait for him to leave, then you be gone when he gets back. That's just my advice, you do what works best for you~

Daydreamer · Answer

I am so sorry . I have been there done that, I can tell you that your trust in your husband is now severely tested. You have two options. One. carry on and its usually ' for the sake of the children'. I chose this option, it was  a miserable one. You know the second, its 'leave him'. He cannot change, they never do. Eventually even if you stay, the day will come when 'enough is enough'. Whatever you choose, make sure you sit down with him and TALK  I wish you love and light.

Anonymous · Answer

If you ask him to stop talking to her and he won't... you've got yourself a problem.  ...and the reason why I know that is because I was once the ex at the other end of the email. We dated in high school... and 20 years later, I found him on MySpace.  

He was in a 13 year marriage with two kids.  Two months after we started talking (via chat, text and phone) his wife kicked his butt to the curb because she caught him texting me from the shower.  She went through his phone and found texts that seemed innocent enough but she knew something was missing... and she was right.  We were planning on getting married.  She called me and even though I had no idea he was married or had kids... I lied for him, "I don't know who that is" "you must be mistaken". My thought process was to try and save his family from my stupidity.  Like it would be okay for ME to be mad at him because we had no kids together, but THEY needed to stay together. 

I know... lame.   Anyway - good luck.

Judy J · Answer

I'm sorry that this has to be my answer, but I know from experience. Your guy is an habitual liar and cheater. He will never stop ... NEVER. Dump him ... and the sooner the better. And do it just like ripping off a band-aid. Don't see him again and don't talk on the phone or text or ANYTHING. You will think you're going to die, but you won't. I didn't see in your question, but hopefully you don't have any children with this clod. That way you can sever all ties completely. Keep your chin up.

BrwnSugga83 · Answer

ok heres the thing first of all it obvious that he lied to ur face.....if u read the msgs then u shouldnt even argued about what he claims he wrote. What u need to do is leave him for a while or give him a option......stop communicating with his ex or u will leave him. But u got to understand that if he will sneak and tlk to her and lie once, he will do it again. Get my drift? ur husband lies and tries to make u seem crazy, but trust me ur not crazy he still has the intention on meeting this " ex".......its best that u payattention to him more as far as being aware of him cheating on u.

Anonymous · Answer

This has gone past the casual reminiscing of old friends.

BOTH of them have proven themselves capable of being deceitful and disloyal (and with each other!) so for him to say you are exaggerating is the ol "the best defense is a good offense" routine at its best.

If he were genuinely devoted to you, I believe that all things considered, he would categorically dismiss her immediately, knowing it is putting another marriage of his in jeopardy.

I would be angry and let him know it.  Let him be afraid of your anger.  Maybe it will wake him up.

As for her, I would contact her and, in no uncertain terms, make it clear that  you are a dangerous person when you are wronged-in more ways than one.  For starters you ought to find out something about her, like where she works or who her relatives are, or what newspaper is popular in her town. Tell her you are ready, willing and able to make her life miserable if she threatens the integrity of your family again.  You will do everything at your disposal to destroy her peaceful existence if she has the audacity to screw with you OR your husband in any way at any time.  Tell her you will see to it that people she knows and works with etc... will all find out her true character when you take out an ad in her local paper to disclose her shenanigans.

In other words, this is NO TIME to be conciliatory with your spouse or her.

If she wants a fight, take  her to the mat on this one.
If you're mistaken about any of the details, whatever happens is still due to her and your husband's underhandedness and so have no qualms.  
This is war, dear, if you want to save your marriage from this homewrecker and your half-hearted husband.
Is he worth it?

haileyalar · Answer

It's pretty simple. You or Her... Men will try to make you think that ur the crazy one for not believing everything they say. My mom told me "men will lie to you until they're blue in the face" especially about other woman. my husband tried that and found himself out on the curb. your marriage only has room for 1 relationship. that's yours and his. If he wants a relationship with her than tell him he's gonna have it by himself because you are not going to be a party to this. Then tell him to leave. Don't share your husband with this woman. He knew you both agreed to a no-contact with any of his or your ex's. Ask him why he broke that agreement. Then throw him out!!

hdhayes60 · Answer

I'll begin with a bit of advice: Most who read this lengthy narrative will lose interest after the first paragraph, so it would be better to get straight to the point of the question.

That being said, I'll get to my answer: Your husband is an unfaithful liar. The sooner he's out of your life, the sooner you can move on to happiness. I realize that's rather blunt, but it's true. Best of luck to you.

? · Answer

Hi,

I believe you have all the evidence you need. Believe the behavior you see not the words you are told and that is what you are doing, if you did otherwise, then that would be crazy. From here the choice is yours, all I can advise is nobody wants to be with a partner they can not trust.

All my best,
Jack

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So I started up my husband's laptop to browse the web and guess what popped up?

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