Don't want my "MIL" too involved in my childs life?

Question

She's not even my mother in law because I'm not married to her son. I just don't want my child involved with her or their family. They all have some problem and don't want my child to feed off of them and think it's ok to be the way they are as she grows up/ It's really stressing me out because I know that it is going to be her family and I don't mind having her see them once in a while but I kind of what to be away from them for the most part. My B's mom is always having money problems and asks for money all the time. When my bf tell's her he doesn't have extra money to give her she always says "wow thanks, I'll see what I do" or "you liar you get paid a lot of money" its so annoying, Then his sister is an alcoholic who has no job living with her mother and doesn't even have a HS diploma, She also has an almost 30 year old son who doesn't even pay rent and lives in her rented condo there for free. She always has excuses for why their like that like "they are going through a lot" "their just depressed" I wasn't raised to be that way and it's really bothering me. What should I do? I don't want my daughter to think its ok to follow this family's bad chain. Any advise?

Paloma · Accepted Answer

Say bye. Me and my MIL don't get on well. Actually I never want to see that woman again. She's messed up. I don't need her in my life. I gave her a chance but she blew it. Remember, you are the mother. It's your rules.

jessher84 · Answer

My husbands family are not people I want influencing our children either. We both have decided that his family is welcome to come see them a few times a month as long as they call first and come to our house. They aren't allowed to be alone with the kids. They used to come over once a week when my first son was born. As it is right now, 3 years and another son later, they haven't seen them in 6 months. And I'm not complaining! :)

Anonymous · Answer

You intall the values on your own children that you wish. I have some family members now quite like your own. My girls still know who they are and my eldest id of the age of asking questions. I answer her honestly and as she grows up I intend to use some of my family as an example of what not to do. I tell her it comes down to life choices and that depending on what she wants to accomplish there are diffdrent paths to take.

? · Answer

Maybe you shouldn't be reproducing with a dude who is willing to repeatedly have "wow thanks, I'll see what I do" or "you liar you get paid a lot of money" sorts of conversations with his mother?

Sucks that your de-facto-in-laws are having hard times and that your take on compassion or good graces towards the less fortunate is just: "I wasn't raised to be that way," but, these people are your child's relatives; you don't really get to pick them.

Strong positive influences will fix any damage inflicted by unemployed alcoholic aunties, so busy yourself with making sure your own home is stable and healthy and that your child is surrounded by intelligent, loving, capable grown-ups. If you don't know enough intelligent, loving, capable grown-ups to make a difference in how your child grows up, you'll have to accept that perhaps your crap smells a bit too, kwim? What's your own family of origin like...?

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Don't want my "MIL" too involved in my childs life?

4 Answers