how do I install malware on my laptop?

Download the security program on a computer with internet access, then put it on a USB stick or CD and install on the other machine.

But why do you want to install anti-malware if the computer is not connected to the internet?

yes you can use a usb or cd or external drive but..... in order for the virus definition tables to be up to date you need it online and Internet connection or what ever software your using it might skip over a valid virus signature.

a good way to protect your computer is to install Microsoft security essentials + malwarebites to scan individual files

but its best to use Linux because windows is a piece of ****

You will need to download it on a different Computer and put the program on a CD or Flash Drive.

Yeah as has been said download on another machine, malwarebytes is free n good

http://download.cnet.com/Malwarebytes-Anti-Malware...