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What do I do about a bad teaching situation with my mom?
My mom has a masters degree in Piano/music, and she has a lot of students and can be a good teacher. However, I don't know if it's because we're related, but we just don't have good chemistry together. And while I admit that it's sometimes my fault, I feel like, after reflecting as objectively as possible, that it's mostly her fault.
For example, I'm practicing a song for a performance exam, and there's this one part where my left hand won't articulate a rolled chord as cleanly as it should be, and she shows me how it's done correctly- which is fine. But every time I try to practice, she stops me mid-playing and shows me AGAIN how to do it correctly, over and over again. She keeps saying I need to play it the right way- which I agree with- but I find it extremely hard to learn to do it the right way when she keeps stopping me and showing me the correct way to play it.
I already know how to play it right! I just need to be able to practice it so I can get it down, but she keeps stopping and showing me over and over again which just wastes time. I can agree with her stopping me when I play it wrong, but the thing is when she shows me it again- I already know what I should be doing, it's just that I need some time to get it down. It's just wasting time, not to mention she gets all fumed up because she thinks I'm criticizing her or something and she gets all self-defensive as if I'm trying to tell her the way she's showing me is wrong.
I'm not disagreeing with her- but it's just that when she shows me unnecessary over and over again and gets all bent out of shape and starts shouting, it gets so annoying to practice and every time, I feel like I never want to play piano again.
I really want to learn from a different piano teacher, but I know that she would get really offended, not to mention it'd be a waste of money since she's a nationally certified piano teacher herself.
2 Answers
- 10 years ago
Have you communicated the way you feel to your mother? Do you get all huffy with her when she's overly helpful? Does she treat her other students the same way?
I think it would be a good idea to make a list of the things she is doing that negatively affects you. Then, have a talk with her giving her the examples and explaining how it made you feel. Don't do it when you're in the heat of the moment. Find the time to talk when all is calm. Maybe over dinner. Try not to be huffy or act irritated or raise your voice. If she 'gets all fumed up' ask her if she can just HEAR you for a minute. But it's critical that you keep your tone and body language positive. If you act annoyed and argumentative she will not be able to receive the information.
On another note, I understand it's annoying but these times with your mom are special that not a lot of kids get. It will forever be a memory. One day, your mother won't be there anymore and you'll reflect on these days with a smile. I say stick it out with her and don't quit.
- Anonymous10 years ago
why dont u just tell her everything u said here? ask her if u two can have a reasonable, adult discussion about it, with no one being allowed to get mad at anyone, and then just tell her u love her, but shes honestly taking all the fun out of it for u. its not fair to u for her to do that. when something ur supposed to enjoy starts feeling like a torturous chore, then its time to figure out why. obviously, in this case, you mom's attitude and treatment of u is not acceptable. u need to be honest with her, and say "just because im ur son, doesnt me that im gonna do perfect at piano, and ur acting like i shame u. if u feel that way, then i should stop playing, so i dont ruin our relationship."
its really not fair when parents are so hard on their kids that the kids dont want to do whatever activity anymore. no different than children who are forced to be in beauty pageants, or forced to play sports. ur mom should just let u do what comes naturally to u, and what is fun for u. she should love u enough to accept that there may be other talents out there for you.
