why am i acting like this?

Who cares about the controversy. Just ignore those idiots, it's none of their business. You did the right thing if your health and the fetus's health was so much in question. After that... well, it's just a matter of giving yourself time, and also letting go of this paranoia about whether or not some people thought you did that right thing. With how much you mentioned that in your post, I really think that has a LOT to do with how hard you're taking it now, and your delicate state. If you think so many people are mentally persecuting you for your medically advised decision, it's going to be hard to move forward. So let it go. You did the best thing for your life and health. You need to forgive yourself. Stop worrying what others think. It only matter what you and your boyfriend (and maybe your family) and your doctor think. It wasn't meant to be, you guys weren't ready, you weren't prepared physically with the dangerous medication. F*ck what other people think. If you can admit that what happened had to happen, you'll feel better soon.

As for birth control, use the pill very regularly, as well as something else, like the sponge or condoms. Simply take it seriously. Using two methods at once is pretty darned safe even with reduced effectiveness of the pill. That should do it. And now it's time, if you haven't already, what steps you will need to take to prepare for a future planned healthy pregnancy considering your condition so that next time it all happens right.

Oh honey, I am so sorry that you've had to endure this. But I am a firm believer in that "everything happens for a reason". It wasn't your time to be parents for some reason. You did what you had to do for reasons beyond your control. My heart goes out to you. Give yourselves plenty of time to grieve and then try to put it behind you and move on with your lives, together. Concentrate on being a loving couple (I wouldn't worry too much about your sex life at the moment, if you feel that you must get close in a sexual way, do everything BUT have full sex for now. There are plenty of other ways to please each other, but I'm sure its not the biggest priority right now). I do agree with your plan to wait until you are married to try for a baby again. Not only does it give you both more stability, but it also gives you the time you need to heal properly. In the meantime, talk, talk and talk some more. Talking is a great remedy. And get plenty of rest, both of you. Eat well, sleep well, plenty of exercise, and eventually you will get both your lives back on track. Good luck!

Closure is the most important be conscious the following. If the husband and spouse love eachother, they ought to comprehend you won't be able to easily pass on till u understand the corpse is truly useless and lengthy gone always. understanding that there have been miracles, and chatting with the man in mattress on the health center help, also facilitates supply closure to the spouse and little ones...they'll experience that they did all they could and all they had to do earlier the organic end of existence. i'd might want to assert that leaving the relatives safeguard is wise, yet how comfortable are you actually going to be once you've melancholy and guilt from no longer being there as a lot as you've been till the TOD got here???i'd be a mess in my opinion. And funds would not matter to me a lot. definite it would upload to the stree, yet once you're depressed, you should offer 2 shits about some thing.