Parents Arguing/Fighting?

I HATE, I LOATHE, I DETEST, I CAN'T STAND my parents fighting.

It makes my stomach twist and snap and I feel sick. It feels like it's doing flips and I want to puke or just pass out or get away. I end up crying and want to keep crying and crying, but I'm afraid they'll come in a see me. I stop, because I don't want to have to explain to them why I'm crying. Even though I want to continue I have to stop myself. I try to ignore the screaming by pressing my hands to my ears, by patting at my ears, humming, breathing loudly. Anything so that I can hear only ME. But I know they're screaming. I know they're fighting. I can't cover it up forever. I think about listening to music, to drown out their noise, but I'm afraid that they'll call my name and if I don't answer they'll get mad at me.

Whenever a teacher gets angry and yells at somebody or at the class, even if I haven't been doing anything wrong I feel terrible. I feel like I want to cry, want to hide away. I want to tell them I'm sorry, but for what?

I want them to divorce, but that seems terrible of me... To be the one to break the family up, would my sister be angry with me? I know that they're fighting is not as bad as other families. He's never struck out at her, but it's gotten really bad before.

I used to think it was him that caused everything, not that I really wanted to be against one of my parents and not the other, but recently I see that she's doing it too. It's awful. And then after they fight sometimes they just seem to go right back to normal. That aggrivates me... If they can act normal afterwards WHY IN HELL WERE THEY FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why did I have to hear screaming and a door slamming?

Can't they fight when I'm not around. Even if I have to get it tatooed to my face and arms and legs, I will do my best to NEVER fight in front of my children. At least, never scream. I'll take my partner outside or far away, or I just won't fight at all. I do not want my children to ever, ever, ever have this feeling in them like I do. Because it is AWFUL.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE IT SO FREAKING MUCH HATE IT TO HELL WHEN THEY FIGHT. And over the stupidest things!?!?!? I know my sister and I fight and argue at times, but I don't think it's ever gotten as bad, or has been as frequent. I know when I fight with her it is because they have been fighing. It is because they have taught us how to argue and fight.

And then when my parents fight it affects their mood and how they treat us. (I want to say, "DO NOT DRAG ME IN", but I don't.) It makes me scared. I. loathe. detest. hate. it. It is the worst thing, it is terrible and awful, and makes me so... so... depressed. How do I get it to go away?

I know I've never been physically abused. And that other children and kids have it way worse than I do. I know they don't drag me into their fights or force me to choose a side. But I just feel so emotionally beat up. Like my emotions have been tossed and smashed and slammed and crushed and thrown, and it makes me tired. I feel like I end up getting dragged in anyway. It is the worst feeling in the world. I hate it because I can't stop the feeling. I can't tell when they're going to fight. It just comes out of nowhere.